Why are so many women complicit in their own marginalization?
John Pavlovitz
Mar 18, 2024
None of this makes sense.
I think I’ve been misled somewhere.
Growing up, I learned from the men and women around me what it meant to be a gentleman; how decent, good-hearted, honorable young men lived in the world, the way they treated other human beings, how they carried and conducted themselves.
And from as early as I can remember, I was taught that women deserved to be treated by such men of character, with respect and compassion, as equals.
I grew-up believing that in matters of intelligence, creativity, vision, leadership, and value, women were fully my peers and that I should learn from them and listen to them.
I learned what consent was and why I never had the right to decide for another woman what she wanted or approved of.
I learned that real men showed restraint and self-control.
I was taught that a woman’s body belonged to her alone.
Implied in all of this, was the idea that not only was this the right way to treat the women I loved or met or knew from a distance—but it would be the way women would want to be treated; that they would appreciate being seen in this highest regard.
This made sense to me: that every woman would treasure and demand being treated with dignity and would not abide anything less.
I must have been grossly misinformed somewhere along the way because I've met many women lately who I just can't seem to make sense of: women who adore and applaud and worship a court-established rapist in Donald Trump, women who somehow, with all they’ve lost because of them—still vote Republican.
With every horrible thing Trump has said about women, with his boasts of uninvited physicality, his history of unrepentant infidelity, his multiple marriages with ever-younger wives.
With his relentless vile and vicious attacks on the physical appearance, sexual lives, and even the menstrual cycles of female political opponents and critics, Donald Trump is the very definition of the kind of man I was taught that women would want no part of—let alone brag about and defend on social media.
More unthinkable still, that they would joyfully give power over themselves and their daughters and granddaughters to such a man.
As the GOP crusades openly and unrelentingly against the rights of women to determine their fates and decide what happens within their bodies, they inexplicably have these women as willing allies. This is a confounding and tragic reality.
I look at these women and I wonder what it is that they think as they champion a predatory misogynist like this man and align with his antiquated movement of subjugation.
I try to imagine the story that they tell themselves about it all, about their own worth, and I wonder how they connect all the dots.
Maybe it's some toxic cocktail of lingering blind hatred for Hillary Clinton, lifetime FoxNews indoctrination, subconscious white supremacy, internalized misogyny created by sexist theology, deeply embedded self-loathing, and real-time Stockholm Syndrome—but still, I just can't seem to make any sense of it.
That a party with such seeming disregard for women would be co-signed by other such men isn't at all surprising. I expect knuckle-dragging, towel-snapping, cavemen to want men like them making the laws and protecting their interests. That kind of self-preservation of a species, as pathetic as it is, still makes some kind of sense.
What I simply can't fathom are women who affirm and celebrate something so seemingly antithetical to their well-being, something that with every word and every bit of evidence—declares that they are of little value.
That affirmation feels like an act of self-harm, a conspiring in their own silencing and minimization.
As a man, I'm not at all qualified to answer these questions and so I'll rely on the wisdom of the women these words will reach and lean into their responses—especially those who have complete peace about defending Trump and the GOP, who believe they are for them, those who are okay with their daughters living in the world they are making here: a world where their uteruses, their healthcare, and perhaps one day again their votes are not their own.
All I can is that as a man looking on at it all; a man with a mother and a sister and wife and a daughter, all of whom I adore; a man who thought he understood what decency looked like and was cherished—I simply don't get it.
I’ll be fighting like hell for women to be seen and treated as fully equal, which is why I will be voting Democrat.
I hope more women will be as well.
They deserve nothing less.
They deserve more than Donald Trump and the Republican Party.
What you learned and what other women have learned can be vastly different. I have learned women can be just as petty, shallow, mean and stupid as men. I have also learned, more women, than men, are not this way than are.
True that.
I expect there are many reasons but the ones I've seen predominantly epressed by some people in my family and where I live are often based in racism and religious intolerance. Their elitism tells them that they are the best and most deserving of everything, and they're right pissed that the Left/Dems believe everyone deserves a level playing field.
They also feel exempt from many of their punitive laws. The very poorest people should pay taxes but they're allowed to fabricate deductions. Their doctor will take care of their health care needs but the abortion law is needed for the rest of us that use it as birth control. The Republican party has reinforced the message of their superiority and they're apparently willing to ignore the implicit meaning in order to be a member ... although now they're no doubt so brainwashed that they can't think logically anyway. They will be fodder for psychological examination for decades to come ... if we win the election.
It is sad and you are right they do feel superior and are convinced they are exempt from all the negatives. Religion and the government they support reinforces those beliefs. They are re-writing their religious beliefs to fit the narrative and lifestyle they want at the cost of all outsiders.
I met those women when I moved into the apartment complex. They believed everything they saw on FOX. Were very Christian, fundamental evangelicals. There was even a fat ass bully they just adored. I did not like him from the minute I saw him.
Then trump came on the scene.
I can not figure it out and my twin sister is one them.
Sorry about your sister. Hope you're not in constant contact!
@pamagain No thank goodness. she lives 2900 miles away. perfect distance LOL
Fascism knows no gender boundaries.
Fascists come in both sexes.
That is like responding “all lives matter” to “black lives matter”. It isn’t necessary to say that white lives matter, because they always have, while people of color have systematically been killed by some in positions of power forever.
Women have been treated as “lesser than” in all of history, even within ethnicities that are themselves treated as “lesser than”, so enlightened women in a free society have difficulty understanding how any modern-day women in a free society can STILL believe what the American Republicans represent, which is to repress women (and by the way those ethnicities who are also treated as such), and take them back at least a century in every regard…when we had only begun to make progress.
You could say the same about murderers, rapists, and terrorists. Are you painted with the same brush? Is that how you want others to see you?
When you make a blanket statement like that, you also include yourself as well as everyone you know.
When I asked some of these questions of the woman who's cut my hair for decades, she said, "I HAVE to vote for him. I'm a Republican." ARRRRRRGH!
I have never had a stylist for more than 5 years... but I moved frequently. If you can't avoid talking politics... yeah, there are some people I don't want to know their politics. I saw a therapist last week, I don't know how she leans, but if she is a Republican I gave her lots to think about. I was wearing pearls, and I have blue nails. How I lean is not a guarded secret. I also recommended a book to her. My humanist book club has started "Decent Discourse: Saving your country by loving your (wrong) neighbor." I had the book with me, and she did mention she is in a book club and may recommend that to her book club for their next read.
I totally do not get it either.
Stupidity and self-loathing are def in there.
Exactly !!
I often wonder the same thing. You can disagree with Democrats on economics, firearms, or whatever. But why, when it comes to fundamental rights would you support the Party most likely to take yours away? But this is nothing new. While feminists were being beaten in the streets while seeking the right to vote, the right to own property, the right to have a bank account and credit without a male co-signer, there were groups of women fighting against all of these. Phylis Shafley and her followers fought tooth and nail against the ERA. So many times in history, women have been their own worst enemies. But then the same could be said for gays and people of color. Those who can achieve some degree of success under a regime will cling to what they know until such time as it comes back to bite them. Because eventually it will. In the early days of Hitler seizing power, many Jews were working for his Party and supported his takeover of the German government because he was promising prosperity. It worked out so well for them.