I mean I can understand we all feel that way at some points in our lives, but at the end of the day it seems like all it does is hurt that envious person cause it doesn’t solve any problems.
First of all, it seems like there is a lot of confusion between jealousy and envy. Not to be pedantic, but I see jealousy as the fear of losing a partner to someone else. I see envy as the desire to have something someone else has, combined with some resentment that the other person has it and you do not.
Now, while I personally work to overcome jealousy in a more open relationship than most, I do not see it as pointless at all. I think jealousy makes a ton of sense. Human emotional bonding, or attachment, is rooted in deep, evolutionary realities that are based ultimately in survival. Attachment seeks to answer the question: Will you be there for me when/if/how I really need you? It includes the corollary: Is it safe for me to be myself around you?
I think the best relationships find ways to answer both of these questions with a firm and solid "Yes!" more often than not. When those questions are answered that way, then exploration beyond can begin. If not, then jealousy will constantly interfere, and I think, rightly so.
We are evolved to be interdependent creatures, and our very survival depends upon it. From the day we are born, we seek the comfort of a special other who will take care of us. Monkeys who are raised without actual mothers will starve themselves to death cuddling a warm, furry surrogate mother rather than get milk from a cold metal surrogate mother standing a foot away. It means that much to us and our evolved nervous systems.
So don't be too quick to dismiss jealousy, even if you are trying to live in a world that is evolved enough to be non-zero-sum, a world abundant in "Yes", and a world low in insecurity. Despite our best attempts to become more highly developed, jealousy evolved for a reason, and it will not be summarily tamed.
Great comment.
@ejbman well said.
Thanks for correcting and educating me about those two words lol. I do get confused with the two. Great answer!!!
Great answer and digressing slightly but
Who would watch a monkey starve to death as an experiment? That's some sick stuff!
Jealousy only leaves the one who expresses it feeling more empty. I truly believe it stems from insecurity.
You're not. For people who identify as poly, it's foundational.
It is such a telling moment. That kid, that 17 year old who killed in Santa Fe Texas. It has been cited he was jealous over losing a girl that he never had
Oh no! That’s horrible!
He also happened to be a Neo Nazi memeber.
I think it's a base emotion that's difficult to control. I feel jealous often, and I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.
I don't think you meant it to but when you said a base emotion. I was drawn to the brain stem. Breathing, circulation that it controls. Any emotion seems to be a higher function. Animals will fight over food and territory. I don't think it is from jelousy.
@JohnPaul If you think animals are incapable of jealousy you’ve never owned two needy dogs at once lol. I think it’s possible our more complex emotions still originate from an animalistic instinct. Animals don’t care about monogamy because it wasn’t socialized into them but our resource guarding of our emotional connections might be motivated by the same mechanism that motivate animals to fight over breeding rights. Even though we’re not intellectually looking at our partner that way I have to think it’s a factor in what makes us jealous. An instinctual fear of being out-competed can be applied to anything/one that we feel we need to survive or pass genes down. The higher brain function would be to realize that loves not a competition and trust your partner despite your protective instincts.
You most certainly arent the only one who feels this way, the Feelings of Jealously or even envy are natural among many people, you are correct these feelings don't solve anything and also are highly illogical and irrational but those of us who suffer from these emotions can't help themselves, i say turn too gene pool cleansing lols
Hahaha!
I was always prone to the "green eyes monster" I think it died about 10 years ago.
Age and wisdom drives it away.
I try to be self confident at all times but for heavens sake, you every see Idris Elba without a shirt? He'll yes I'm jealous.
No, that's envy
Me in 1985 after a swim. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The question is whether anyone else uses "to a degree completely" in a sentence.
This is unnecessary and unkind. I don’t want to get into a fight or anything. However, posts are generally casual here. No one is writing a dissertation.
@Cakes or is it good natured ribbing from a gentle, friendly old man?
@CallMeDave good to know!
JMO but in my rudimentary observations those who profess to not feel jealousy ever are either speaking from a place of privilege or aren't being honest as at some point more people experience it than care to admit. I'm jealous of people who are good in math. So what. Yes I'm insecure about my "mathing abilities and lack thereof"... or envious, whichever.
No emotion is pointless. They all serve a purpose. The problem is we rarely draw the right conclusions from our emotional states, and this doubly true for those emotions percieved as being negative. Jealousy is almost never about the other person. It is usually a sign of some unhappiness or insecurity in our own lives that we have projected outward. Once you can recognize this it's easier to address the real problem.
For me, totally pointless.
No one has anything worth being jealous about.
Hmmmm.... its human to see something you would like to have. That gives you drive to excel. You are you... you want to be different then you have to do things differently
Jealously can cause a negative, self fulfilling prophecy when allowed to go haywire. I never tolerated it in my relationships, and don't go there myself. Too much useless drama ! It seems to me to always originate in the insecure mind of the jealous person.
I agree that jealousy is pointless. It reminds me of a quote attributed to Buddha but probably not his.
"It is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"
Jealously is a dangerous emotion that may cause an individual with an impulse disorder to act irrationally. It is easy for a normal person to say otherwise . We are born with traits and characteristics sometimes beyond our control.
Jealousy is the sort of thing that you outgrow, usually by the time you are in your 30's if not sooner. If someone wants to be with you and stay with you then they will, and that's how it should be. Trust the one you love and accept them as they are, anything else is just drama.