I think you may have done your grieving before they passed, and death is part of life. They were ill, it was likely a relief that they passed.

People grieve in all kinds of ways. There is no "normal" or "right" way. If you feel you are good with their passing that is all that matters.

Not a psychologist, but there isn't a right or wrong way to grieve. There isn't anything wrong with you. I will echo the sentiments that when people die from long term illnesses that there often feelings of relief...and then guilt that you feel relief and not overt sadness. It I'd also true that we begin the grieving process much earlier when long term illness are involved. You feel how you feel... And that's OK.

Grief is not a thing. Grief is a process..it is individual to that person. You are grieving in your own way. It doesn't have to be tears and wrenching at garments. Look after yourself and be kind to you. Best wishes xxx

Reminds me of a line... “just because no one is talking about you doesn’t mean you’re not paranoid”.... don’t know why that came to mind. My apologies if I offended.
No, I don’t think there’s something wrong with you if you didn’t have guilt, or great sadness... I too had parents that passed away, both 96+, I (and sibs) didn’t have great sadness after they’re passing. We knew they had lived well, we anticipated they’re passing.
My wife died about a year before my parents... after a three year illness, her death was anticipated, which made my sadness relatively brief.
“Ain’t none of us gettin outta here alive”

I am not a psychologist but I went through this with both my parents. Both had protracted illnesses for a few years. My tears and grief occurred during the time that they were suffering and wondering why it lasted so long. Yes, I was sad and missed them when they died but there was the relief that they no longer had to go through that and neither did I.

Of course it's normal. They're no longer suffering. That is what leads to your feeling of relief. Also mourning is different for everybody. There may come a day when you do cry. Don't be surprised at that either. This process is just that, a process

You may be depressed which can be experienced as low affect, are you feeling your normal range of high or low emotions? You may be emotionally intelligent and appropriately processed the loss before they died; grieving while they were suffering,instead of waiting, could be mature empathy. This is corny and trite but true, what would they have wanted for you? To be in pain and suffer or go on to lead a good, happy life. Maybe the best way to honor their memory isn't societal expectation and inevitable disappointment. We all need to give the world a hearty "fuck you", "I'm the one who decides how I feel" nothing in that to feel guilty about.

The grieving process can be very different for different people. Not being upset doesn't mean you did not grieve. It sounds like your grieving process started before death and acceptance was at death. It is completely normal. The words "expected" and "a relief" are what made me feel the grieving process started before their deaths. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it.

I've always s found it odd that people always feel sad after a death . Yes feel sad about the actual death but then shouldn't people feel happy or even celebrate the fact that they got to live and experience life with a unique person . Acceptance of something happening is fat healthier than fighting it if you cannot change it

The common five stages of grief are: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This also applies to illness where death is an accepted result.

I suspect you began your grieving process with their illness and by the time they passed you had reached acceptance. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, the relief you felt was your goodbye. Your guilt may be a result of your own expectations of what you think you should be feeling. Treasure you memories, they are what celebrate their lives. Your reaction is not wrong.

It is normal for you and that is all that matters. I felt similarly about the passing of both my parents and would wish for my kids to feel the same about me. "Dad was suffering, (sometimes for a long time), he's free now and even though he could be a pain in the ass sometimes we loved him and it is good for him and us that he has gone on.

Nothing wrong with that in my book. It is NOT wishing one's parents dead. It is pragmatic and compassionate.

Never grieved for my parents either. they were both in their late 80s and their time had come ! Period !

Yes. It's completely normal. You grieve however you grieve and it's nobody's place to tell you you're doing it wrongly.

I bawled when my father died, partly because I knew I'd miss him and partly because it was the first time a close relative died. My grandparents were very old and very ill when they died and it was sad but expected, so I didn't mourn much. But my father's second cancer spread so quickly he was gone in a matter of weeks and I knew it was because he gave up. He'd been dreading it for as long as I could remember because it was how his father died.

Conversely, I felt only a brief stab of emotion when I heard my mother died. She was an abusive narcissist and I had never felt close to her. I've never doubted either of my reactions.

I'm not the psychologist you're asking for, but I'm in the same situation as you. I've never felt a moment's grief since the death of my mother and I know I won't when my father goes.

In my case, it's down to an emotionally stunted family dynamic. But you're not a weirdo for it, is all I'm saying.

I don't think it is strange at all. Instead I would say that you are normal. They were suffering. Death ended their suffering. You were glad. Society says you shouldn't be but society is wrong and suffers from a number of significant hangups due to having arisen from an agrarian culture that itself arose from lose hunter-gatherer groups.

I assume you miss them, even if you don't grieve in the usual manner. Everyone reacts differently, & when it it a release from pain & expected, it's more accepted. Don't beat yourself up!

Everyone is different. Not wearing your heart on your sleeve doesn't mean you don't have any.

I'm no expert, but to me it seems that you had already been prepared for their passing. It can be normal, but realize that it may hit you later when you don't expect it.

People do grief in their own way. I didn’t shed a tear when my mother died even though it was quite devastating. There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with you.

"expected and a relief" it is what it is...

Everyone grieves in their own ways. I didn't cry when I learned of my mother's death.
To be honest, I really didn't feel anything about it at all. We'd been estranged for a very long time (35 years), and I didn't find out she'd died until nearly 10 years after the fact. She'd already been dead to me for a long time before that.
None of us "owe" any particular display of grief, regardless of what some people might
think. When we question ourselves about "why" we aren't having more of a reaction, we are merely reflecting the expectations of others.
When my uncle (my mother's twin) died a few years back, I was sad and shed a few tears. We were close and he was more of a father to me than my own has been.
He'd been ill and his issues had gotten too much for his body to keep fighting.
As unhappy as I was that he was gone, I was more relieved for him to not be suffering
anymore.
His daughter STILL hasn't gotten over his death. She still cries copiously, almost daily, since he's been gone. It's been almost 7 years. She's finally started seeing a therapist about it. She talks to me about "seeing daddy" in heaven, all the time.
Yes, she's a believer. I think she's out of her mind with that bullshit, and it's not doing her any favors, but I keep my mouth shut because my input really wouldn't help her, and would just create hard feelings. I also think her belief is actually making her grief even worse. She's always asking "why?" She doesn't understand why her god didn't "fix" him.
There is nothing "wrong" with not being overly responsive or expressive when someone dies, even if they're close to you. You react however you react. No one has the right to tell you that you're doing it "wrong".

Your self-perceived lack of remorse has nothing to do with whether you loved them or not, nor how much. Guilt will hurt you. But I don't believe in psychoanalysing behaviour on the web or in coffee shops, so i'll just share three realities about grief, and how it manifests for people.

First, as others have said, grief looks different for each one of us. We all grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. How grief manifested for you must be normal for you, since it's what you experienced. Using the term 'normal' is rarely useful except statistically to determine general patterns and in the media.

Secondly, we all grieve losses, whether they be lost jobs, lost life partners, or lost children who are no longer with us. When my parents died, a loving friend said to me that I was now an orphan like she had always been. I loved her for that wake-up call since it was what I was feeling at the time, which I realised only after she said it to me. 20 years later, I still sometimes feel like calling my mother about something that happened. It's no longer a sad emotional experience, but it's there, and may always be there.

Losses require letting go of what we were, accepting who we now are, and rebuilding our selves to become who we need to be. There are no shortcuts.

Finally, I read how both were "ill and near the end, and I felt their deaths were expected and a relief. Mine left life the same way. When the parting is extended as yours and mine obviously were, we most probably began unconsciously grieving when we realised that their end was forthcoming. So by the time they were gone, we had processed the change to one extent or another. I never cried the way i did when my best friend died in my early 30s, and also wondered why. Guilt certainly hovered in the background. It was only after my mother died, and i was picking up her cremated remains from the undertaker that I sat in the car and cried my heart out. The reality had struck. Again, the process will be subjective to the individual.

The late William Brides has written a book entitled Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, which I have found helpful in my own life; i have also had feedback from many change-challenged clients who have found Bridges' model helpful. Here are three websites which might help. I hope they do and wish you well.

[mentalhelp.net]

[griefhealingblog.com]

[wmbridges.com]

Don't worry. My mother suffered so badly, I was kind of in shock when she died. I expect you might have been as well.

Absolutely. Popular culture - especially movies - has given us a template for how we're supposed to behave, even though actors are merely portraying human reactions as they imagine it should be (I remember Evan Hunter, who wrote a series New York city police novels as Ed McBain, remarking how the behavior he observed amongst cops had changed as they adapted to the way in which television portayed the police). There is no socially correct or appropriate way to behave in any given situation, least of all following the death of loved ones. Whatever your reaction, it was right for you, and it's entirely possible that tears could come later, when the stress of the moment has begun to abate.