My wife died 2 years ago. I joined a bereavement group and a grief counselor helped a lot. We all grieve in our own way. Some cry right away; others a month o r a year later. Some longer. We cry not for the departed so much as our sense of loss. It seems like you have learned to let go and this surely brings peace to you and the loved ones who have returned to spirit.

Well, either this is just how you deal with grief, or it'll hit you years later when you least expect it.

Sounds like because they were suffering so much it was more of a relief though, and its typical in such cases that we deal with our grief before they pass.

Also... it could be that you're not being mindful or emotionally regulating, whilst relying on logic for distress tolerance. The only reason I mention it is because that's something I struggle with.

Normal is statistical. We are all normal & abnormal. One grieves in their own manner. Feeling relief that ones loved one is no longer in pain is not aberrant. Not wrong. One feels what one feels. Feelings are not a choice. How one acts upon feelings is a choice. Don't be hard on yourself.

Absolutely, you understand life and death, Most people just seem to focus on their loss and feel so sad that they will miss the dead person. But what does death really mean, nothing. It is merely another stage for our atoms to flow within, AToms do not die ergo our body does not die , rather it is redistributed through out mother nature. And for those that elect embalming, well that is not what mother nature asks for and I believe it does affect the cycle of life.
To grieve is normal but to believe it is a loss is foolish, Death is the most exciting journey avialable to we humans since birth.

Is it possible you didn't love them very deeply.

Not all families are close.

There may be some other elements to the situation . If , for instance , you were either emotionally or physically estranged from them , for a long period of time , it may be more like , you lost them long ago . My Mom moved to a different country over 50 years before she died . While we were on good terms , and I did visit every couple of years , I felt much less impact at her death , because she was not part of my everyday life .

I just want to say that I appreciate the support and concern given by all of you who commented on my question. It seems that most of the people here on Agnostic.com are thoughtful and caring people. Thanks!