There are moments when I am still struck with overwhelming waves of emotion.
Granted, they are FAR fewer now, 10 years out, than they were immediately after
the end of my marriage. We all heal and move forward at our own pace.
Be gentle with yourself. It takes as long as it takes.
Just keep swimming!!!

Sorry you're goin' through a bad spell. But if you can, you might want to avoid the "how to" literature. We all go through stuff at a different pace, according to what's in our heads, our personal experiences, and our own resilience. Be kind to yourself, and feel what you feel.
No timetable.

I've been divorced for over 16 months now (married 19 years) and still have emotional spikes from time to time. I adored my wife and she cheated, lied and manipulated me for at least 3 years. My self confidence has started to come back recently though.
I would recommend reading "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" by Bruce Fisher. That book helped me more than anything else. Good luck to you!

Been divorced from second husband for over 20 years. Lived in sin for ten years with someone else after a year or two. Takes time-different with everyone. Try to cut ties if u have no kids. I couldn't because after 2 years of marriage I had a toddler.

You take as long as it takes to grieve. It's a personal loss. Don't let anyone tell you how long you should take to "heal and move on."

I was heartbroken and moved out. Then I grew my fingernails back, got off of pain meds, and lost weight. THEN I put 2 and 2 together. This took about a year.

Literature is worth the paper it's printed on. Everyone is different. Take the time YOU need to heal. It took me over a year to feel relatively grounded (after lots of panic attacks and therapy for codependency) because I, too, did not know the person I thought I did. Hindsight being 20/20, though, the signs were there all along. We are here for you, happy to message if you need it.

For me, it was getting past the conditioned mindset. So, having newer memories and establishing new routines made things easier. If you are big on marking holidays, then I could see it taking a year or more. If not, then less. Once I understood my feelings as being rooted in change of a pattern and that the actual feelings about the person were fine (having her not in my life was a lot less stressful), then it got easy.

Move forward and attack life aggressively. Live in such beauty that they regret not being around. If you do that, then nothing else matters anyway.

I don't think there's a chart, like the ones that say what you should weigh based on how tall you are, that says how long it should take to feel better after a rough divorce. It sounds like this guy really treated you badly, and you didn't expect it, that has got to sting and you will never ever simply forget that kind of treatment. I felt a lot better after my split when I was able to re-establish all of the routines and activities I used to share with my ex, there was a feeling of accomplishment. Also, my friends helped -- a LOT. The best of luck to you hon, things will improve when they are supposed to.

It doesn’t. You just get used to the dull ache of the severance. My divorce ended in suicide, so, I’m not typical. My emotional response was and is protracted. Good luck.

I would say a year but you also have to work on yourself - recognise those negative emotional reactions and deal with them. Dont lower yourself to their level, maintain your dignity and time will deal with the rest.

I felt like I had grieved the loss of my marriage and forgiven both him and myself before we even filed. However since moving out this past August I know I have done a lot of personal growth.

Ours was an extremely amicable divorce. When going through kitchen stuff it was literally “you can have the wok....no that’s ok you bought it....but you cook with it more so you should take it.”

Brief rundown: I told him I wanted a divorce January 2016....neither of us really brought it up again until January 2017 when he said he was ready. Got the house cleaned and put up for sale in July. I moved out August 10. Signed paperwork on house early September, I filed divorce papers mid-September. We filed jointly at the courthouse for $377. Divorce was finalized November 1st.

Sorry this is getting long but if your divorce was not amicable it may take longer. I’ve heard you shouldn’t date for at least a year after. I disagree, dating has been amazing for my self esteem. I don’t expect or even really want to find someone right away. But I got married fairly young so this is kind of my first real experience dating.

Been there with narcissistic personality. It took me about a year to feel like myself again...before I was able to stop wanting to contact him. Another year to stop thinking about it so much. Therapy helped, definitely. Strict No Contact, if you can do that, is a lifesaver. Educating myself on the disorder validated my experience.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but freedom is well worth the struggle. Feel free to message me anytime. ?. Hang in there!

Everyone is different and it depends on how serious the situation was. Narcissists can really do a terrible job on their victims. I've also been through this but I found that I was so relieved once we finally split that the recovery was fairly quick. Best wishes. Keep posting.

I walked out of court and couldn't believe it was finally over. I was on a real high, couldn't wait to get home and tell the kids. We went out to dinner to celebrate.
When a relationship is over is becomes a chain around your neck,like slavery. Divorce is the opening of your prison cell. That relationship didn't work, now you are free to try again, - or not. It doesn't matter. But you are free again.The ones who hurt us are the ones we trust.

Too soon for me to say, but I hate it when they hit. I am rationally grounded, a pragmatic guy, and I know I did everything I could.. but every once and a while something catches me off guard and the emotions swell.

I was married to an alcoholic, she hid if for.. a long time. Found out three years ago and went through every combination of compromising, getting help, in house separation, etc. Sad thing is I would have stayed if she were seriously struggling with recovery, but it was more lies.

It's been 8 months since we moved her out. I still have trouble with empty weekends or some family holiday weekends. I never changed, so its sad. But the one reality that helps is that whatever blame she might have towards me, her current actions are more of the same. So the reality squashes the "maybe this will be rock bottom and help fix... nah".

Not sure when indifference hits, we share a grandchild and I intend to keep things civil or friendly. Maybe that helps? My only other experience with it was as a child in a pretty brutal divorce with both sides hating each other and that was WAY worse for me as a kid.

It took about that for my failed marriage. 6 months

It's been more than a year since my divorce. I am still trying to understand what happened. It was my wife who cheated on me. 21 years of marriage down the drain. It is going to take me a long while to recover.

My first wife was very religious, but we did get along well enough for 13 years to make 3 wonderful kids. Then God told her to divorce me because I was a devil-worshipping D&D Dungeonmaster. I am a DM, but there is no devil... I got on with my life while she stole our kids from me for 10 years. Now our kids are getting grandkids! Life goes on.

First one, ten years, still not indifferent. Second one, nowhere near indifference yet. Both wonderful while they lasted. I'm sure yours was too (well at least some of it?). Think of it as a release, from what could have carried on for years = it's better to know and move on.

Wow only married once and divorced once. I hated the divorce part but what I did was went to the library spent hours there lost myself in Reading. Took a season I guess. If You're Going Through Hell don't slow down is what I learned

There are two things that spring to mind......
Firstly please, please, please don't do the official marriage thing again. A relationship is between two people! Involving the church and/or the state complicates things and adds pressure before, during and after the relationship has ended.
Secondly, you're a bright, together, vivacious woman, so why are you living where you're living? You need people around you who are inspirational and uplifting........not a bunch of rednecks.
Narcissists are the pits and I'm glad you've survived him as well as you have, but give yourself a better chance of recovery by getting into a much more progressive environment......... and .......... don't put your trust in a church/state based contract again! Take good care of yourself xxx

Two to three years. I'd done most of my grieving before the formal end both times.

When I started reading this post I thought you were talking about God.