I asked a guy I had a short relationship with, why if he was so unhappy at home doesn't he just get a divorce. His answer was "she's a perfectly nice woman, why ruin her life too?" He never had a stay at home job their entire marriage. He'll probably end up divorced after he retires.

There are not two kinds of relationship. A sexless relationship can be loving without sex, for example one that has turned into an economic partnership that evolves as open sexually. The couple live in the same house but live separate lives.

For some people it is financial, for others the fear of being alone, and or starting over.

I think the importance of sex can vary wildly from person to person and is not always indicative of a lack of affection. I also know that when it comes to being married, the cost (financially) of going through a divorce, particularly a contentious one that involves custody of children like mine did, can be mind bending. Although I learned my lesson the first time around and would prefer to be shot than ever marry again and permit someone to destroy my life like that because they decided the grass was greener on the other side. So the reasons can be varied. The thing is, if marriage and divorce aren’t limiting factors, and children aren’t involved there is nothing really holding them back so they must have SOME reason deep down inside making them stay and I’m sure everyone’s would be different

Wow thank you all for the replys

Life is too short, I would not stay unhappy like that.

I stayed longer than I wanted to with my daughter's mother, mainly for my daughter's sake. Unfortunately I was the only one paying bills, which would have been fine if I had some type of emotional support or affection to make it worth my time. It was worth it to stick around and build a relationship with my kid, but I won't be caught dead in the same situation again.

Some people are just afraid of change, so they accept being unhappy because risking change for maybe happiness doesn't seem worth it.

If they are content they are content. But I don't understand why some people hate each other and stay attached.

I would rather be in an open relationship, which I am in. My husband and I are very affectionate and passionate, but if something happened we wouldn't go wanting and resenting each other. To each their own.

(And for the record we are polyamorous, I have 3 loving partners)

Other than the reason that some people really just cannot seem to handle being alone (it's a bit odd from my perspective but you'll have that) some people stay in the relationship simply due to finances. They either cannot afford a divorce, or think they cannot afford life alone so they stay with the one they have. I know some people that are not married but live with their significant others and I'm pretty sure it's only because they couldn't afford to pay all the bills themselves anymore.

I resisted the idea of getting divorced for a long time and resented the idea as it was happening. One of the reasons for that was I was afraid to be alone. To make matters worse, being alone after my divorce is every bit as bad as I feared it would be. I wonder if she and I would have stayed together, would life have been better?

No, it would not. It would have been a slow kind of emotional torture. Every time I see her now I'm reminded of when it was good and loving and wonderful between us, and how that's gone now. I prefer not to see her at all; that enables me to do things to build myself back up to the point where I can believe I have something of value to offer a new woman, and where I can desire to pursue a relationship with a new woman.

"Better off alone" is one way of putting it. "LESS BAD than sticking around in a hollowed-out ghost of something that once was good and now is not" is more accurate.

The ultimately answer, of course, is to find a new relationship that will be good again. I took one shot at it recently, didn't make it, and will try again and again until it happens.

Wouldn't work for me, we talked it over and decided sex and romance were our priorities. What's even weirder to me is the affection part, actually two people where neither has much of a sex drive are a good fit. I'm constantly amazed at how rude, insulting and patronizing some couples are towards other or one of them is and them other puts up with it.

Probably because our system and culture are so messed up and characterized by people of low intelligence, that it is very hard to afford living on one's own, and living on one's own can invite the ridicule of others because we correlate social appeal with one's worth as a person in the US.

Additionally, people don't really have a means of picking partners, they tend to just settle with whoever complements their drive for love, rewards them for being who they want to be, without any semblance of what type of person they are going after, and such. It's a kind gesture towards others, but relationships are a career's worth of work which requires a degree of inventiveness, while being able to tolerate uncertainty for a very long time. (This is something I don't like, because the dating pool is often not good for me. My choices often already have a boyfriend/husband, are soliciting me when I am not prepared, or are straight up just not attractive. Casual encounters were a much better venue, back when I was in that phase in ages 18-23).

Much of the time, I notice that these people also constantly seek sex, but never climax well enough to get their constant nymphomania out of their system, and mature as a person. This characterizes what kind of relationship history they will have, which will be one full of temporary partners, flings, and trainwreck marriages, none of which happen out of earnest feeling, which I think is a result of the tendency of people to reject those who show earnest attraction or love in relationships (I know this happened in my early teen years. It was so brutal, and I still think about it. Getting completely shot down at peak mood is a horrible feeling, but this is what happens when a person thinks that relationships can happen irrespective of time, place, and custom).

For the most part, people are not decision makers and the dominant type of person is an extrovert who is trying to constantly take what he or she feels he wants, is ceaselessly seeking happy, easy activity, without any real adherence to a developed inner compass.

As a consequence, you have a slew of people who, out of desperation, just settle down with anybody.

They are happy living a physical, external life and may suffer from it, or feel it is very rewarding, while having the sheerest inkling of what the value of time is, how to spend it, and they will never notice that once that time is spent, it will NEVER come back.

Kids and/or finances!

I mean, sometimes it's nice just to have companionship

Probably a number of reasons one may or may not know about or think of.
Ask them.

My wife of seventeen years is moving out on June 1. There has been an absence of sex and affection for longer than I want to think about,

Addictions and untreated mental health issues are factors.

I'd rather be single, too, then in a sexless relationship.

You only live once and sex is a fuckin nice perk (see what I did there, lol). I know...I'm lame haha.

Because not all people can afford to lose half of everything they own for a little freedom. In the end, the Lawyers get all of the money and the exe's live with all of the vitriol and hate. Much better to remain friends if not lovers and find love elsewhere.

Probably because it's so hard to untangle the marriage web. If you have kids it's a BIG problem, of course. If you have assets between you and/or there's unequal work/skillset experiences, then it complicates things further. I never wanted kids... I knew that. I helped others raise theirs in long loving relationships, but when the relationships became senseless they were easy for both of us to untangle with good memories and no lawyers or bad feelings between us.

Fuck more

Good question. If they have kids, they stay together for the kids. Others because one pays the bills. Maybe their are bined to "till death do us part". My father was a very abusive alcoholic. I don't think I saw the guy sober one time in my first 20 years of life. I take that back. He was when he was in rehab. It was either jail or inpatient treatment. He decided to go to rehab. My mom and dad are still married, but they live in two different houses. I asked my mother once why she stayed with him after all these years (they've been married for 35 years). She said I didn't realize it was that bad. But when it WAS bad she should have moved on. She was married twice before, and those marriges were bad (she even lied about one - only reason I know is because my sister found divorce papers to prove it - I didn't believe). I think she stayed with my dad because he pays almost all her bills (even for her house). She gets a whopping $666/mo from Social security. That'd be hard to live on. Why my dad didn't leave is because he is socially inept. It's very hard for even me to talk to him! Plus she'd probably get half his stuff. I never asked him, but I'm sure he had some sort of prenump that was signed. I know for fact the my mom isn't in his will. My sister and I get half of everything.

I know I got on a tangent, but it pertains. The loveless sexless part was definetely there in my parents life. I think the last time they slept in a bed together was maybe 30 years ago. Even when they lived together they didn't sleep in the same bed. I've already given you some guesses about their relationship, and some probably pertain to the couples you know. That's why I never want to get married. I want someone to be with me for me, but because a piece of paper says so.

A distant cousin of mine went through a divorce. People that know him don't know exactly why they did get the divorce. All I do know is that one night my former business partner and him were somewhere in Central Nebraska. On the way back to Eastern Nebraska, they stopped at every bar on the way and got a 6 pack. The next day he was served papers. I have heard that he lost half of everything, and he said that divorce was the best $100,000 he ever spent. My business partner said once that he should have stayed with her because (insert her dads name) has money.

On a similar note, some people would have no place to stay. I had two former friends that dated, and as far as I know still do. They are in an abusive relationship. She has left his house I think 3 or 4 times. He makes the money. It was 2 or 3 fridays ago at about 10 PM when I got a knock on my door. I knew it was him. I was surprised to see his ex and her son there. The first words were "oh shit". She said "yeah the whore is back". I wasn't talking about her, but talking about their relationship. I know it will end up bad. Again. They both blamed me for their previous break-up. Supposidly a few weeks prior to their break-up I told her that he said she was "a fat pig" and all sorts of other things I never said. She also in a round about threatened me. She accused me of calling HUD on her. I had zero idea that she was on a housing program until that night! Claims that someone had called saying she had two residences. I know both have told me in confidence that they were going to break up months before it did happen! I never told one of the other what either said. I talked to the guy for a while. He asked if I could take his dog out and I would get paid (we have different schedules). He said that if I do a good job, he'd give me a key to his house. I mentioned that he gave one to me the Sunday before! She was not happy when I said that. She asked (by asked I mean yelled) who else has a key. I wasn't going to lie about me having a key, but I'm 99.9% sure another girl still has a key (he was whining several times about her not giving it back). I'm not going to get involved in that! My point is that he stormed off during the arguement (second time he's left her at my place). He does crap like this all the time! Now my point is she is probably going to loose her appartment, or already has, and probably has no place to go. She came to my house once out of the blue crying about him. She told me she doesn't want to sleep with him, have sex with him, or kiss him.

Also why do you think the first lady stays with captian cheeto? They live 200 miles away. Gold diggers. They won't even hold hands in public.

Specifics plz? Sex less partnership is a platonic relationship. Getting those bills paid outweighs everything dear.sex is overrated and exploited outside of its true purpose. A couple it's a bonding intimacy that must be nurtured and of course reproduction outside of that it becomes a commodity or coping mechanism. LOVE is what is missing in the equation. Everything and everybody seeks love and acceptance which can be found without occasion or random sexual acts...like throwing the dice bargaining with your physical,mental, and spiritual health.

One word? Inertia

I always tell people who ask why I am single is that I never looked good on paper. I worked my way through college which gave me a better insight into what life is all about. You will never find a good job unless you have another who binds you more so to what the Corporate life can do to you. Your life changes from whatever you were thinking about to a whole other awakening of what your going to do as to what you wanted to do.

Being Married isn't that bad. It just depends on whom Your Married to. Just caught My Wife cheating on Me at a party' Yes .... She was pretty drunk but She sunck off with My Friend and fucked the shit out of Him. I just stood in the doorway and watched. I let Her know I was there after He got off but She just ignored Me. The next day, ( when She was sober ) She's all loving Me again and begging Me not to leave.