I am not a social creature by nature, but I'm not ready to give up. I can forgive just about anything, but bullying and lying from any quarter shuts me down.
I'm sixty year old widow and I did make another Friday meeting. Three women, about 18 men. The older regulars (I pegged them from the first meeting I went to) both had something to say about being single when they spoke. The women appeared to be very anxious and needy as well. Me, I drink to be social because people as a rule, irritate the crap out of me. I suck at making new friends, but the few I had are all (literally) gone. My last Aspie boyfriend left me his home and assets and a few of the most dysfunctional people I've ever encountered that he called "friends". I finally stopped talking to my old "friend with benefits" last year because the truth came out about him and it was very ugly. He doesn't live nearby, but I could talk to him.
My trust issues rival National Geographic and I have the scars and bankruptcies to prove it.
I'm finally ready to admit I can't do it all on my own. (Though I have been trying for the last seven years.)

@pegasus1074 yes, I'm not a people person either and I drink to help my social anxiety. I also have trust issues and it can be extremely hard to find someone that I actually enjoy being around

@M3G4N666 My kindred spirit drank himself to death eleven years ago. We were together nine years. I have three amazing children from my first marriage who I visited enough grief on with my mental health problems. At this stage, I want to claim my crown as matriarch of the family, not become a continuing burden. (I will not drag my dead parents into this discussion, but Dad passed away last year at 96, and my sister who is totally in denial handled his meagre estate, made my life miserable and made it almost impossible for me to morn him.) Life's hard, not feeling things becomes very painful when you realize what you've missed ,because for whatever reason, you've become "comfortably numb". (There isn't a swear word strong enough to express how much I hate that Pink Floyd album.)
I was so sick and depressed when my mother passed away six years ago, that I'm still carrying that burden as well. I was alone then too.

My problem is I turned to and trusted the medical system to "fix" me. It's their drugs that have damn near killed me mentally. Alcohol I treat like my alcoholic friends who still smoke. I keep my visits short and infrequent. I know I can't rely on them. I also know in a pinch there are one or two who would open their homes to me if I was desperate. I love them because, they're family and no one goes out of their way to bother me. (There is a loving, sober side who also mind their own business.?).

I think what AA tried, but didn't get around to, because, let's face it, it was a patriarchal group originally and geared towards men, was that you need Love to survive. They call it a higher power. (Homophobic, mysongynistic, uptight, Assholes made sure the language stayed just like any church does. I got that far reading their literature recently.)
You don't have to feel loved or even lovable, but knowing that there is one person, or their spirit, or a friend or animal(s) who cherish you, unconditionally, has kept me from destroying myself.

You don't need to conform, have a partner, or stop drinking. IMHO, learn to be humble. Have manners, say thank you, but also know when to say "no" and "enough" . Remember, most casual encounters are looking out for themselves and their needs. Trusting love takes time and effort, anxiety and compromise and growth. Have a pity party, but don't make it your life's work.

My mistake was giving an introduction and some backgound, rather than just outright asking the question.
I went to the meeting, short circuited when it came my teen to speak, and decided to come back and write my first step five attempt under a post here made by another alcoholic who asked about AA. I don't know if it actually posted, but in my book it counts.
Now I can go to meetings and start from today. The history has been contemplated and the problem exposed. If the majority of the members want to thank Jesus and say the Lord's Prayer, I know it won't hurt me to go along too.
Part of survival is knowing when to pick your battles. As an aspie,, agnostic Jew witch who has few friends where she lives, there aren't many things that get said in an AA meeting that I'm going to take as a threat. I can read people as long as I am not to emotionally involved with them. Then, I either miss their cues or overlook their flaws or bad intentions.
Big brain, several small, slow processors, but too much stress gets the spinning hourglass. (My apologies to Mr. Gates for the analogy.)