Hi, I'm a cis female that identifies as lesbian. I don't feel like a female or a male but more as something in between. I do know of some male friends who are more female in their hearts and souls, mentally as well that aren't interested in changing anything physically to look more like a woman. They dress however they want, wear their hair the way they want and they are completely comfortable expressing their gender identity in that way. Top and/or bottom surgery is not something they want to do.

I'm happy to dress just to express my identity as a non-binary person by my mentality and attire, manner, etc. I've considered a breast reduction mostly to ease back, neck and headache pain and it will help me to appear more neutral in my gender expression. In my opinion, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules for people to comply with... I personally am a victim of comphet - compulsory heterosexuality and finally, at this late age decided that I'm just going to be me. My look will be what I want it to be. Not what the old model of what a trans person needs to be... I doubt really that anyone other than the hetero population gave it any credence. Just my thoughts on your post.

Hello there. See if you can find a therapist that specializes in transfolk. Depending on where you live, you may have to look to larger cities. Some therapists have a sliding pay scale

I feel for you. It isn't an easy or clear issue. Nobody (and I mean experts, too) really understands what makes gender identity click.

I happen to be a gay identifying cis male, who has enjoyed a number of traditionally feminine interests my whole life, from knitting, to growing roses, to classical music and choral singing, and I am even a 53 year old figure skater, so Ha! I am actually proud I can do it. But I have never in my life questioned my sense of maleness.

I will second the advice made earlier to seek out and nurture some trans acquaintanceships, which may develop into friendships. Talk here on the forum, for sure, but I would be sure to connect to some physical local trans community before coming out to long-time friends you value. You may need support while your old social circle sorts itself out.

Also don't assume gender is binary. Explore and inquire about gender queer/gender non- binary identifying people, too. Take your time. Bottom line is that you deserve to be your true self, but as is true for all of us, our sense of self may never be completely "finished" evolving throughout our lives. Whatever gender identity feels authentic to you IS, even if it is evolving. Be well. You've got people here in virtual world pulling for you.

The way I would look at it is like this: the pursuit of happiness has its costs and it is never a garauntee.

I am a cis straight guy so the only way I can relate your situation to mine is the universal goal that every human being has: to strive and work hard to be the person they want to be.

But every choice requires hard work and opportunity costs. And that means you need to do your research and explore.

So yes talking to others will certainly help you.

However, we also have to acknowledge that there is stigma and potential harmful acts. So I would also suggest being discreet, not out of shame, which you should never feel about something as fundamental as who you are, but purely for safety. And I think from a mental health perspective feeling safe is very important.

Btw, be forgiving of phrasings by people who don't understand what you are experiencing. Often they treat it as a disorder or a flaw. It's not a flaw. Its not a mental health issue. Stating the obvious here: being trans is part of the range of natural human experiences that nature allows and still retains as part of its set of humanity's evolutionary advantages. Trans people have existed from the beginning, obviously. It's not a bug, it's a feature of the human race. You are one human who gets to experience this unique aspect of conciousness and physical existence. Its rare, but that doesnt mean its bad or wrong or a mistake. Just very very confusing. If possible, embrace the confusion. Think of the earliest of our (humanity's) trans ancestors. They survived and reproduced, and I would like to think they found happiness in their confusion by reserving their expectations and simply enjoying their unique form of existence.

I hope you find contentment and peace, and from these, a measure of happiness. Good luck.

Go seek help, there are many free available counseling hotlines if you do a google search, a brief explanation in the search will suffice, like for example "man wants to be woman but is unsure, free counseling hotline" just be sure it is a secular hotline because if you go to a religious one, these will add to your confusion rather than help.

I feel for you. Seriously. These are all very good questions you have and I would advise that you answer them, fully and honestly, before making such a decision. I'm a bi guy and feminine guys are hot. There are joys to the male organs that may not transcend surgery. I'd be very sure. Aside from that, good luck.

Hi TCorCM. I probably can't be of much help to you though I would say that you should not "act" like a man or a woman. Just act like yourself. Do what feels right. I don't think there's a certain way you need to act to be a specific gender. Some masculine men have some effeminate qualities to their personality and some women have masculine qualities in their personality. I tend to feel like I'm somewhere in the middle in some regards though I couldn't really say specifically why.

As for transitioning to a woman, I'd suggest talking with transgendered people who have undergone the transition. I'm sure they could give you some insight and maybe some advise. I can imagine that it's an extremely challenging thing to go through both physically and mentally.

And I do understand the worry of possibly losing friends. My only advice there is that if you lose friends over this then you might be better off without them.

I am sure there are some transgendered people here on Agnostic.com that might be willing to discuss their experiences with you.

Take care.