There was a post on FB that made the roomie and I run for dictionary definitions - we were perplexed to find Asexuals can be attracted to people. It would seem to defy the definition.
If anyone wants to weigh in - please do - either here or under an Anonymous post.
Usually Urban Dictionary is a pretty good resource for these things though.
(And now my head is a bit confused).
Asexual
An asexual is an individual who is is not sexually attracted to either men or women. Important classifications to note:
*Repulsed Asexuals Asexuals that are opposed to the idea of having sex with any other individual. Some may masturbate to release any sexual tension, though some even find masturbation repulsive.
*Flexible Asexuals Asexuals that are more open to the idea of having sex and may be willing to have sex for the benefit of a sexual partner. Some flexible asexuals may even enjoy having sex.
*Aromantic Asexuals Asexuals who have little or no romantic drive. They usually prefer to be single. Some even never experience crushes. Aromantic asexuals are usually repulsed asexuals.
Romantic Asexuals: Asexuals who have a romantic drive and often have a desire to find a significant other. Romantic asexuals can be either flexible or repulsed. Flexible ones are usually willing to date sexuals and asexuals, repulsed ones usually prefer to date other asexuals when possible. Romantic asexuals are split into a few subcategories.
*Hetero-Romantic Asexuals Asexuals who are EMOTIONALLY attracted to individuals of the opposite gender.
Homo-Romantic Asexuals: Asexuals who are EMOTIONALLY attracted to individuals of the same gender.
*Bi-Romantic Asexuals Asexuals who are EMOTIONALLY attracted to individuals of the same gender and the opposite gender.
Pan-Romantic Asexuals: Asexuals who are EMOTIONALLY attracted to individuals of all genders.
Whenever me and my friends get together and start talking about our sex lives, Tom always drops out of the conversation. I think he might be asexual.
Please don't ask me to explain the difference between emotional and physical attraction. I am a repulsed aromantic asexual who has never experienced a crush so I wouldn't know.
Dumb Girl: OMGZ all my boyfriends have sucked I'm going to become asexual!
Asexual Girl: Since you are having bad luck with men, and you apparently have the power to magically change your sexual orientation, why not become a lesbian and give women a try?
Dumb Girl: blank stare
Source: [urbandictionary.com]
So on the one hand, we have objective sexuality. We could say that if you desire (or have ever desired) sex with people of both the same and different sexes to yourself, you're objectively bisexuality. If you only desire (or have only ever desired) sex with other sexes than your own, you're heterosexual. Same sex, you're homosexual and neither, you're asexual.
But I'm increasingly seeing sexuality as an identity, which might sometimes contradict what someone sees from an objective point of view. There are people who desire sex with both same and other sexes, but consider themselves homosexual or heterosexual rather than bisexual. There are people who desire sex with other people, but who still consider themselves asexual.
The way I see it these days, you get to choose your own sexuality label. It should be something you're comfortable identifying as, and ideally should at least describe your strongest and usual preference.
Instead, we end up with sexuality as a straitjacket: homosexuals and heterosexuals who feel tied to one particular sex and not even free to experiment, because such experimentation will invalidate their sexuality. They will be bisexual, whether they like it or not.
Which strikes me as putting the cart before the horse, to be honest.
In this less repressive flavour of sexuality, it's quite possible for an asexual to occasionally be sexually interested in others. Though naturally, it doesn't necessarily follow that all are.
It's the same sexual landscape that allows for heteroflexible to be a thing.
You may define yourself as one thing - but for the right person those things may shift.
I can't fathom anyone actually being asexual. This seems to be more of a social choice than a natural orientation.
@MrLizard The post that spurred us to look up the definition was all about not liking that people presumed sexual abuse or lack of proper hormones was at the root of asexuality.
I have to admit they have a point.
Other orientations don't point to those things either. It may just be another thing humans are.
Some may be cause and effect - some may not.
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