Musou
By
J. L. Young

Morning in the city. The humans made their way to their work. I found myself sleeping at my desk again. I rose, stretched, and knocked over a cup of pens, but it’s nothing. The new carpet below took my landing. A saunter took me to the kitchen, the humans have prepared my day’s meals. Blech! Dry food again? Someone needs a turd on their pillow. I work far too hard for this shit.

I shot through the cat door and into the sunshine. The scent of a Molly found my sensitive booper. In the next yard, she catches my eye. “Hey Macy,” I called.

“Fuck you, Musou!” she hissed.

‘Whatever could I have done to engender such animus?’ I thought as I passed her yard. ‘Oh, I remember,’ I squint, happily. ‘That’s not for you to know.’

A few more blocks and I arrived at work. The precinct, though it is, in reality, a clear area at the base of a hedge is where we meet. “Your late,” a bark thundered.

“Yeah, I was asleep. You do know what sleep is, right Captain?” I said but I thought, ‘Just because your name is Captain doesn’t mean you are a Captain, you putz.’

“Sit,” He commanded.

“Alright, alright.” I sat next to a lovely sphinx named Garland. She was none-to-pleased but she was professional, whatever that means.

“Detectives,” Captain said. I reluctantly pulled my gaze from Garland. “Today, we serve this fair community. Justice will be found. The day’s assignments will be given at the end of this morning’s briefing. A little bird told me--.”

My mind danced, ‘Probably Lightfeather, I’d like to gift him to my human.’

He continued, “Two new Detectives are partnering up with you on your assignments.”

“Not the beagles, not the beagles,” I susurrated.

Garland hissed.

“Detectives Beasley and Coconut. Congratulations on your promotions,” Captain praised. Coconut, you’ll be partnered with--.”

“Not me, not me,” I whispered.

“Garland.”

She looked happy as Coconut took her seat next to Garland. I thought, “It’s a beagle. How can you be so happy to be partnered with a fucking beagle.’

“Beasley, looks like Musou will be a good partnering.”

“Shit,” I said aloud.

“Maybe you can teach him some humility.”

I lowered my head to the ground at my paws. “Humiliation is the word you’re looking for, Captain.”

The remainder of the briefing continued ad nauseam. The assignment Captain gave me, the case of the missing kitten food shipment. “Captain, this isn’t in our jurisdiction. This is a human matter.”

“I know you have difficulty empathizing, but think of the kittens. The humans have already agreed it’s ours. Go do your job, Musou. And take Beasley with you.”