Elizabeth.
Elizabeth comes to the beach every night to watch the sunset and talk to people. She is a petite blonde woman, delicate featured and stately, somewhere i her fifties. Elizabeth has one of the most unique world views I've come across. She loves to talk and myself and my coworker Steve are her favorite audience.
Elizabeths father was an airline pilot and air force vet. She says he was mentally and physically abusive to her and her mother. Her mother was a homemaker. A mild woman who was lost when her husband passed away and only sticks around to ride herd on her children, according to Elizabeth. Elizabeth says she was a disco queen. Working bars during the day and partying all night for years in the 70's. She married well and left that life behind, eventually.
Elizabeth,Steve and I spent many evenings sitting at the picnic benches and discussing the state of the world. She believes we are emanations of "higher beings" playing out scenarios in this world. Something like video game avatars.Elizabeth is into numerology and believes that humans were created by a race of aliens known as the annunaki. The annunaki have an uneasy truce with another race of aliens and they're battling for domination in many domains, the earth being one of them. These aliens control our governments and weather and planes flying low or lanterns floating over the beach are spacecraft, seeding the oceans with their newest creations, according to Elizabeth.
She has read a good bit of philosophy and pseudo science. She believes that by focusing on anything we give it power and make that focus manifest more strongly in our world. So she ignores news stories about corruption, suffering and grief believing that focusing on these things makes them happen more frequently.
She does however focus intently on people she cares about. She is always the first to notice if one of the beach regulars has been absent and knows the stories and struggles of the workers, patrons and residents of Siesta Key. Elizabeth is one of the best listeners I've ever met.
Elizabeth lives in her own world but it's mostly pleasant and highly entertaining. There are times I think I prefer her brand of "truth" to my reality.
Note: constructive criticism is more than welcome. I'm trying to be a better writer and any tips or heads up about obvious flaws would help.
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6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.And: lots of the description, especially the alien bits, should be done via dialogue, in the conversations.
JacarC
Level 8
June 5, 2018
2
Agreed. Although I readily accept my fiction is dialogue heavy, more like a movie script. I would like to hear what Elizabeth says.
Follow on::: I know the post is mostly about describing the character for the author's benefit. I do all of this as well. I also often search for pictures of characters for reference. will that person wear those clothes? Will they look good to others? and so on.
What does her size and hair color have to do with spending her evenings visiting the beach talking to the other characters?
And, if it does, then how to describe her without direct description? In her words? Of an observing character?
Does she look in a mirror and think, "I am a petite blond?" Does anyone think that way?
Since this seems to be a first person account it is actually easier.
"Though i know steve and i are about the same height, i am again struck how tall he seems next to Eliz. Even when she wears those god-awful heals."
"Eliz's hair nearly disappeared into the sunset. She would look great bald."
JacarC
Level 8
June 5, 2018
1
Hahahahaha. Points duly noted and examples duly giggled at.
The basic principle is show, not tell. Have detail come out through the story rather than just describe it as in an essay. It is fiction, after all.
Krish55
Level 8
June 5, 2018
3
Thanks. Good point.
@Blindbird It is a trap that we scribblers can fall into.
At one point I wrote myself into a corner; could not work out how to proceed. And then it came to me - I used the deus ex machina method. Except, in my case, it was literally dropping God into the story. Her name is Roxanne (and, yes, that is a nod to The Police.)
Blindbird,
Do you feel the urge to get these out? I often do when a story hits me. I did notice a spelling mistake that may lead people guessing temporarily, though it's easy enough to figure out. There was a term there I'm not familiar with "ride herd" I know a herd describes cattle so I infer that may be a term for helping out with the kids. When I'm done with a piece I edit as much as possible until I deem the piece acceptable for my standards. This sometimes includes changing sentences and the words I use to get an idea or situation across. I'm not particular about time references, due to the story's momentum. When I feel confident enough I (eagerly, though cautiously) bring it to my go to people for critique. I've had my stories edited by pro editors and am not always happy with their findings. Your doing a great job. Don't take my critique seriously, I'm a layman. I appreciate your writings and thanks for the entertainment.
This post took about 40 minutes before I hit the Submit Comment.
Croebheir
Level 6
June 5, 2018
2
Are these people real or characters you are making up? You are doing a great gob as I cannot wait for another. Good work thanks for posting. Just a note, the Frank story made me cry, that is a good thing.
dalefvictor
Level 8
June 4, 2018
2
These are real people, yes. ? frank makes me cry too.
Nice summary.
My general rule for the actual writing:: never use exposition to describe the physical appearance of a person unless absolutely essential. And then only in context. "the shirt was way too big"
Why do i need to know she is a petite blondie? Is this going to be a clue?
===
If writing a play/move, all the outline stuff could be used for casting and directing.
JacarC
Level 8
June 4, 2018
2
Thanks
A counter here if applicable. I am not a writer that does things by the book.
The reader does not "need" to know if she was petite blonde. The reader does not even need to know that they conversed on the beach. However, by knowing these things it helps the reader to visualise a small, blonde woman at the seaside and gives the story "reality".
This is the difference between writing an interesting anecdote and writing a practical manual.
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