When I was a kid, I got spankings and I required no justification or explanation for the action. It was always the result of a bad decision that I had made. It taught me instant karma. Just a quick little reminder to not be a dick. I have never considered it as abuse. I do however know people who were raised in homes that did not used the practice of spanking, that now complain of shaming and what they percieved as mental torture that has haunted them through their entire existance. I'm glad I got the smack on the ass.

On another note, I have to admit that I did not spank my twins often. In fact perhaps only a couple times. My kids are smart and could be reasoned with. I had the time to speak with them and correct behavior with words. Today, they are wonderful adults.... that enjoy a good debate.

As far as adults, with the exception of physically defending yourself, there is NEVER a good enough reason to bring harm to to another person.

I think you are 100% correct!

I know someone in a marriage like that, but at least she hits back. Idk, not my call.

This is how muslim women in morocco responded to surveys. A clear indication of the evil of islam.

Having been beaten with a belt as a child for bad behavior I can identify with you. Time outs and removal of privileges is a good thing.
Keep strong stay safe.

This bothers me, because victims often defend their abusers by believing what is being done to them is justified because it's done "out of love." The feeling is almost that they deserve what they're getting. It's a mindset that perpetuates the abuse.

I've always been a supporter of spanking children but this a really good point. Definitely gonna think about this.

I don't believe in corporal punishment, but on one occasion, my son, who was pretty young at the time, maybe 7 or 8, had done something repeatedly he'd been told not to. I made the mistake of threatening to spank him if he did it one more time. He did. At that point, I either had to make good on my threat, or lose credibility/effectiveness as a parent. I did spank him, and it really DID hurt me more than him. Afterwards, I wept heavily. I have always used a very effective form of time-out with my kids and I think in that instance I just got frustrated. I agree with you that there are more effective and less violent ways to discipline your children and any boyfriend who hits his GF is guilty of assault. "I hit you because I love you" is bullshit.

My mother never hit me, and, while I do get angry, and I’ve yelled at my daughter, I’ve never hit her and never will. Try developing a relationship with your child, it goes a long way to obviating these issues.

For the "this hurts me more than it does you" I guess the response ought to be: "In that case, if you really want to punish me, I should be beating you".

Each of us is conditioned by our environment and, when that conditioning occurs at a young age, it tends to have a lot of momentum that carries it later in life. By being aware of it, we can lessen that momentum. I had a fairly mentally abusive upbringing that also included moments of pretty intense physical abuse. There is definitely momentum; sustained intervals of nervousness and fear that constrain creative thinking... depression from feeling disempowered, extreme competition and need to succeed selfishly. It takes a lot of attention and illumination to keep those shadows from taking over. So, I have experience with this as well.

I've come to the opinion that people hitting kids as a means of behavioral correction lack understanding, creativity, patience, and intelligence in their role as teacher/mentor/parent/good human. The things about "hits because he loves" is the same twisted abused logic you hear fron the religious about combining fear and love - I couldn't agree more.

These people don't know love, I think. They only know obedience and fear. Fear and love cannot coexist. One is the absence of the other.

I had never thought of childhood conditioning before, and I think you're right.

I never hit my kids. I was not against a soft pat on the rump when they were young but my thinking has evolved. There are other ways to get their attention. If you are whooping your kid you are teaching them that hitting someone is acceptable. You are not teaching them or doing it out of love. You hit because of your own frustration and rage. So if the kid is now big enough to defend themselves and beats the parents ass and says I am doing it out of love, is that acceptable?

Violence in a relationship is indefensible.

It's common brutality and a tool of the inadequate.

So true. Like the old-style schoolmasters who said "this hurts me more than it hurts you" as they administered their caning. In that case, why shouldn't the pupil cane them.
Pure humbug, or in the case of this abused woman, self-delusion.

That’s traumatic sounding if it can bring back possibly long suppressed feelings and almost hinting experiences of a childhood. We all carry various experiences that have a per found effect on our lives later on

That’s traumatic sounding if it can bring back possibly long suppressed feelings and almost hinting experiences of a childhood. We all carry various experiences that have a per found effect on our lives later on

Excellent point.