Have you considered suicide before? The only time I seriously thought of that option I was 20 years old and had just got busted for selling LSD to a narcotics agent. I was out on bond and faced certain prison time. What stopped me was the horror my girlfriend would have to deal with when she found me.
Was raised by hateful adults from 10 to 16 years old and often thougt about ending it as a way to say f..k y... to them, almost tried once but thankfully chickened out. I would consider it if I became very ill and confined to a facility where all I could hope for was to keep breathing.
attempted several times always got found and taken to hospital to be pumped out and then for a stay in an asylum - people often say its a cry for help but for me I know its because I want out of here =strangely since my forties (now 70) I have not had an attempt but I still don't want to hang around as a useless old woman.
So what is stopping you from being useful?
@AnneWimsey I didnt mean right now, I meant when I really start losing it big style and become incompetent; at the moment I am becoming forgetful and am watchful of the changes in myself.
I tried to hang myself when I was young. I was maybe 10. Now I am strong.
Many times, since age 17. I was hospitalized for the worst time at age 31, after a chronic illness diagnosis that derailed my plans to become a midwife(already an RN in OB). My children were 10 and 9. I promised them then that I would reach out for help in the future. My daughter is now 35, my son 36, and so supportive. It gets me through.
I would say it's been on the back of my mind since I was a teen and diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I never actively tried.Actually I've developed what may sound like a strange approach to life. I see every day as a choice. I could choose to live or to die. So having made the choice to live, I feel obligated to make the most of it -- but always knowing that if things got bad enough I could go. Honestly, though, since my daughter was born 30 years ago I've known that I had to stay alive for her. But we have discussed that I may not wait until I die of natural causes, depending on the diagnosis. She completely agrees that I have the right to make that decision.
I get by with using the I'm gonna win the lottery tomorrow method (even though I don't play that much anymore ) . It also helps having kids not gonna leave my boy on his own .its just whatever works for you isn't it ?
Mulled it over a time or two, I suppose, at very, very low points; but not too seriously. Effect on those remaining, particularly my daughter, would never allow me. That said, I have a contingency plan in case I become so infirm I'd be a burden; it involves a closed garage, an expensive bottle of Scotch, and a running automobile.
And throwing it into to reverse to see what it does to the garage door.
Attempted once, a long time ago, and considered it seriously a few years ago after losing my job and getting a divorce. Thinking about how my kids would take it is what stopped me. Two long stories.