Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: "skeletal remains," "dumpster," "almost beyond recognition," "dental records" and "shallow grave."
17
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Dental records were required to identify the body of a Denver, Colorado man following recovery from underneath the floor boards of a local biker bar. The County Coroner indicates that the victim was found with a spiked dildo in what remained of his rectum and what was identified as the tire from a 2012 Harley Davidson CVO Softtail Convertable shoved down his throat.
Victim was last seen alive entering said establishment on the evening November 12, 2017 at approximately 8:00 pm, wearing assless chaps and an N'Sync t-shirt.
Anybody with information pertaining to this crime should contact the authorities immediately.
webbew1
Level 7
June 27, 2018
9
I like the sound of "presumed eaten by tigers".
Jnei
Level 8
June 27, 2018
5
Jnei:
@SACatWalker I'm told that they very quickly become used to humans and don't tend to attack those they've come to know - they just play. So, if a tiger ever sinks its meathook claws into your ribcage and its dagger teeth into your throat, it's just having a bit of fun.
...or just date a girl who knows where to hide the bodies.
SukiSue
Level 8
June 27, 2018
3
@maturin1919 At the very least, after they ax murder you none of the terms Duke mentioned will ever show anywhere... So good for you! 
"I told you I was sick" is what I want in mine. And on the headstone.
GoldenDoll
Level 7
June 27, 2018
5
Yeah....that don't sound to fun. Mine is cancer, comma, nursing home, fire, and Alzheimer. Geeze!
BucketlistBob
Level 8
June 27, 2018
5
I hope not.
Washed up on the beach. DNA results pending.
bigpawbullets
Level 9
June 27, 2018
5
You could add "lengthy criminal record" to that list...LOL
drumreaper
Level 5
June 27, 2018
3
Only ashes and one charred sneaker recovered
Surfpirate
Level 9
June 27, 2018
3
@Bierbasstard I always thought that spontaneous combustion would be an exciting and dramatic way to exit stage left.
We would miss you before the remains became skeletal, I hope...unless lye?
AnneWimsey
Level 9
June 27, 2018
2
![[agnostic.com]](https://agnostic.com/images/answers/107328_93vps3lypbc3pmd_full.jpeg?v=2){kind=link}
You might want to include "most of the remains were found..."
HippieChick58
Level 9
June 27, 2018
1
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