I’m also from the religious Deep South. My sperm donor was/is atheist, and I never thought much about either of those until I could think and act for myself. I tried out belief systems and religions and philosophies, dabbled in New Age stuff and so on. I didn’t discover I was atheist until about a year into AA. Since I was being honest about my life inventory, I had to admit that I did not believe in any god...that I found religion ridiculous and manipulative...and yet not taxed (for some magical reason!). The most satisfying explanation/belief for me is based on what science has revealed tus far about us, our behaviors and interactions with our environments. And I take comfort in being an insignificant collection of stardust on the pale blue dot. I never took comfort nor was much titillated by hanging out with a Heavenly Father forfuckingever! And I don’t buy the spiritual thing either. Maybe it’s a difference in semantics, but it seems to me that, from how I have heard the terms “spirit” and “spirituality” used, the whole concept is just that...a concept”...no less real for being an abstraction, BUT I don’t think it’s a human need. Maybe a proclivity, a desire, a goal...
I agree it feels lonely without some parental figure who makes all things right. (I’m 59 years old, and, when I suffer in any way, I want my mother!!) But I like the truth (at least, as close as we can get), and I suck at self-deception. Peace to you!

I have borrowed from a friend of mine and adopted the term provisional atheist; I believe that gods do not exist, but I hold this belief provisionally. I don't quite agree with how some have put it here so far, that there is no proof for or against this or that, but there is evidence for or against this or that. But I perhaps agree with them in spirit; while I cannot offer proof that gods do not exist, I would say we have good reason for thinking that they do not.

To your comment about the search for spiritual help, I would suggest a professional therapist. I hope that reads as sincere as I meant it, and not something that could be misconstrued as an attempt on my part to be unkind.

"I don't know." IS a real answer. It's possible it is the only correct one. And it is further possible that is the way it was "meant" to be.

I don’t know if anybody truly knows “what’s out there”. We all pass through phases of life when we behave in ways that later seem dishonorable. Yet, we had to have those phases. Feeling guilt or shame is irrational—better to think nothing at all than to think judgmental, untrue things about yourself.

I’m just reading “The Untethered Soul”, which seems very uplifting. Nice photo.

You just need to be kind to yourself and not worry about what others do or think.