So when you stare at a woman, for five seconds, and they say you are sexually harrasing them,then that's it.
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16 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.There's a big difference between looking at someone and leering at them. Leering just makes you a douche bag. And looking at someone for five seconds without saying anything is way too long. Good rule of thumb: If you've looked at someone for more than two seconds, you've committed yourself to at least saying hi and in turn the possibility of being rejected. No exceptions.
If you see someone you are attracted to, look them in the eyes, smile and say hi. If they smile, look you in the eyes and say hi back, then there is potential. If they say hello without looking at you or give you a quick little smile and then look away quickly or just simply ignore you, then it's a dead end road. Move on.
webbew1
Level 7
June 30, 2018
0
So have some self awareness of your staring. Smile & look away. A stare is a sign of aggression. We are women and are hunted constantly. If your stare was innocent then say hello & move on. Staring is creepy & you shouldn't do it. Men are so oblivious of how they come off. We have no idea that you are harmless. To us you are a potential serial killer. Don't stare.
Mooolah
Level 8
June 30, 2018
0
So all strangers who happen to be male,and unintentionally looks at you as you cross a street is walk in opposite direction, have nothing to think about other raping a woman whom they don't even know that she will be passing enrouting the same root?
@0752532706 Yes. But how does she know for sure?
I give people the benefit of a doubt. I often look like I'm starting at someone because I space out a lot and happen to be looking in a random person's direction.
memorylikeasieve
Level 7
June 30, 2018
1
When I am in a public place I will stare at whoever I like. If they don't like it, move or stare back, but to claim that is sexual harrassment is just plain crazy !
VAL3941
Level 8
June 30, 2018
1
Nowadays, I think anything and everything you do is up for grabs, in other words, people define things the way they want them to be, and sometimes a lot of imagination is needed.
@DarwinistOne
Quite correct, and many just have a negative mindset !
I can tell the difference in a man staring into space ‘in my direction’...or staring AT me. As a survivor of rape and other kinds of abuse, I might find that uncomfortable. First, I’d remove myself, if at all possible. I think the majority of men pick up cues that their attention is unwanted, and will stop. Others don’t care about boundaries, or consent, or the law.
I’m the only person who knows how a behavior/action makes ME feel: to say otherwise is a verbal abuse tactic called ‘discounting’; common to abuser of all types. (You could say to them: you’re hurting me. They answer: No I’m not. That’s discounting).
CarolinaGirl60
Level 8
June 29, 2018
2
I guess there is one reason...and one reason only..when a woman gets all shook up "because a man looks at her: NO MANY GUYS LOOK AT HER. LOL
Most women must learn to differentiate compliments from harassment
DUCHESSA
Level 8
June 29, 2018
2
aggression, catcalling, staring: those aren’t compliments. Maybe men could use their words instead.
@CarolinaGirl60 AS I SAID: Women need to learn to differentiate between compliments and harassment...
@DUCHESSA Compliments are welcome. Men or women who just stare and don’t speak...who knows what they’re thinking? Could be ‘wow, she’s gorgeous’; could be ‘I want to drink her blood’.
Experience has jaded me, I guess, lol.
@CarolinaGirl60 He may be thinking that you are too pretty and that you won't pay attention to him. If a man stares and, then, talks bad at you...you curse his entire family starting by his mother. Make sure you are surrounded by people though. 
There was a video, I think a UK one, that a friend shared on FB. It was about a woman in a bus and a man sitting a bit aways looking at her. Not like crazy ogling but that looking a bit longer than just a glance. The woman looked distressed. And another man was thinking whether he should do something. And he did; he blocked the other guy's view of her. REALLY!!! I feel it goes too far. It makes women look like weaklings and potential victims needing men and society's protection. Being stared at, whistled at, honked at, or even followed by a vehicle on a busy street during the daytime never bothered me. I can fend for myself thank you. There are real cases of harassment and abuse. I would prefer resources are directed at these cases rather than making a big deal of some guy staring at a woman in a bus. If it's at night, she's alone, and he follows her out of the bus and down the street, that's something else.
graceylou
Level 8
June 29, 2018
2
These people, what they mean is not what you described, they mean if you look at a woman ,in a market, shopping mall, classroom, your are obviously starring her and disturbing her peace. And now I ask myself, why don't these people call for women only buses, flights, restaurants, I mean,I was on a tiny plane for 8 hours,and was so worried my hand getting accidentally connecti thing to a woman. I longed for landing do that I feel free but the flight was long, she went to bathroom three times, and I couldn't communite to her,when she requested to to to restrooms, I stood for her way without replying her apologies,I was I. fear.
So it's okay to do a bit of ogling and persistent staring even if it makes the person uncomfortable but if you start stalking someone at night down a street then that's too far, did I get that right?
It's about power and men have to stop deluding themselves into believing that they have the power in sexual relations that are consensual, the woman has always been the one making the choice in consensual relationships, regardless of what we like to think as Alpha males.
@Surfpirate It would be on a case by case basis in terms of what is considered ogling. I don't like being painted as a victim just because I'm a woman. BTW, women stare at men too, and may be other women, making them uncomfortable. It makes it confusing to determine what kind of looking at another person constitute harassment. Where do you draw the line? A man cannot admire a woman in some way without it being seen as wrong? I think a woman knows when it's inappropriate type and amount of staring, when it's just harmless and can be ignored. We don't need other people telling us what we should consider wrong. And I'm not even going to comment on the part about men and women in consensual relationships.
There were times back before I transitioned, that I would look at a woman and then be lost in thought thinking about something else but still staring in the woman's direction and they would say quit leering.
JaymeDanielle
Level 5
June 29, 2018
0
But isn't it wrong to presume that what you always thought years back I'd what men think today?
When you get to my age you’d be happy if they even noticed you were there. At a certain age women seem to become invisible!
Marionville
Level 10
June 29, 2018
0
Hey, lady friend of mine told me that women check out men just as much as men check out women. We met when both of our spouses were still alive and we met as couples trading vehicles. Of course I notice women even when happily married, ya just don't do anything about it. And, no that is not sexual harassment, how are you ever gonna get to know somebody if you can't flirt. of course if it's not returned, STOP
starwatcher-al
Level 7
June 29, 2018
2
Men stare at me all the time. Ignoring them, I turn my back and and walk away.
Sometime it scares me, or creeps me out. With a group of men, I run.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
June 29, 2018
2
How do you know that they are staring? What's the opposite of starring?
Of course they are going to look at you, you are attractive. Just feel the energy.
@0752532706
"To stare (dictionary.com)
- to gaze fixedly and intently, especially with the eyes wide open.
- to be boldly or obtrusively conspicuous."
When men are staring fixedly at me, they follow me with their eyes.
How can I see this? I pay attention to people around me.
As a woman, I'm constantly scanning and on alert. This is because I have been attacked by men four times.
@hankster
The opposite of staring is:
- eyes closed; or
- looking away.
@LiterateHiker Only 4 times? Stay alert sister.
You should say very politely, "thank you for making my day special!"
bandit321
Level 7
June 29, 2018
0
@bandit321
Absolutely not. Any encouragement is seen as an invitation.
@LiterateHiker I do think you're reading things into my comment that were not intended? Why are you trying to put words in my mouth, if you really think encouragement is seen as an invitation then you must live a pretty lonely life?
@bandit321
There is no reason to ridicule me. Women and girls are not safe in America or across the world.
"You did a good job," I told a male neighbor, when he asked how I liked his rock wall. We were standing in our shared driveway. Suddenly he grabbed me, forcefully kissing me.
"NO!" I cried, shoving him away. "Stop it! Get off me!"
"Don't you want to kiss me?" he asked. "I have been watching you in your backyard. You move like a ballerina."
This was frightening and beyond creepy. He was my next-door neighbor. I moved away.
@bandit321
Perhaps I should rephrase.
Any encouragement of unwanted attention from leering, catcalling men is seen as an invitation.
@LiterateHiker Sneeze in an elevator & it is perceived as an invitation. I do not have to go out in public anymore except for the doctors visit. Yay!
Was your dick hanging out while you were staring? If so then she might have a point, otherwise just forget about it and avoid physical contact without an invitation.
Surfpirate
Level 9
June 29, 2018
1
No, but one speaker promoting consent and non sexual harassment mentioned that in her speech.
@0752532706 1 mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississippi, 4 mississippi, 5 mississippi.
If you stare at me that long I am going to come over to you and ask you what the fuck you are staring at, wouldn't you do the same? If you had a good answer then cool but if you were hitting on me I would tell you we aren't on the same team. 5 seconds of staring is longer than it sounds but of course it also depends on how you are staring at someone.
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