That's a pretty good metric, to a point. Haven't really thought of it that way.

I think a good relationship actually is fostered by not going to certain places as a matter of firm personal policy. I hate it for example how the women in my life have tended to impulsively say certain things because of the heat of whatever emotion they're feeling. I've seen it in other's relationships to. Certain things should not be part of our interpersonal vocabulary: "I hate you", "I wish I hadn't married you", "I want to just leave" (perhaps accompanied by a detailed fantasy of how that would work), etc ... these are all things we might entertain at some level in passing in the heat of the moment but they are not things that in my view we should EVER give voice to.

Fast forward to as little as 24 hours later and your partner is enraptured with you and perhaps feeling randy and now you have to be tenderly intimate with this person with such uttered sentiments hanging between you, often not even retracted or apologized for but just pretended as if they were never said. How does that facilitate good feels?

So I both agree and disagree here. The thing I suspect you're talking more about is where you can simply "do you" without apologies. Have your enthusiasms and interests and views openly without judgment or rejection.

I don't share everything that comes to mind because I can be very selfish about the wisdom I possess. I hoard the little jewels until I have so many collected that I must scatter some to release the pressure in my cranium!! Miss Smarty Pants

I've given up hiding who I am. Would rather alienate people early on than waste time and energy. I believe you end up with less friends but the ones you do have are amazing!

yeah ... I hate feeling like I must walk on eggshells to maintain "the peace".

That's cool..

Agree completely. I am very fortunate that there are no thoughts I have to hide from my wife. Now if only I could articulate those thoughts sufficiently the peace would rarely be threatened.

I guess there really is a Hell.

Yes. The people I can be more real with are the ones I can be closer to. I'm much more relaxed and much more myself. If I have to walk on eggshells around people, I try not to spend much time and energy on them.

As long as you don't have go beyond 50%. That wouldn't be a fair compromise.

A completely different type of woman perhaps.

That “walking on eggs” feeling wears thin.

HAHAHA!! It's why moving to the opposite coast 40 years ago was so damn rewarding!!

Definitely!

I agree.

Well put. I like the way you framed it. Seems so true.

Not quite sure I understand this comment