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I always hate going to places where I have to give them my age or date of birth. I know I don’t look my age and inevitably I get the “You look good for 47”. My thought is always, are forty something women supposed to look bad? Horrible? Ugly? Hag-like? Honestly, if it’s a professional place like a doctor’s office or insurance agency, etc., it should be inappropriate to make any comment about someone’s age or appearance that has nothing to do with the business at hand. I know they mean well but I feel uncomfortable and it’s a rather demeaning comment for women my age and older.

Do you think it’s inappropriate to make a comment like that? Do you have expectations of what forty plus people are suppose to look like? Or do you experience something similar? How do you feel about it?

graceylou 8 July 11
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18 comments

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0

I don't think it has anything to do with a predetermined "what you should look like" at a certain age. I think people of a certain age look in general around the age they are. So if you look older or younger than what you revile in my opinion it's a normal reaction to say something about it. But most people aren't mean so when you look older "to them" they will generally not say anything because it's unnecessarily a rude comment. But when you look younger they feel the need to be nice and say something nice. All my opinion obviously.?

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Well, ultimately - the person making the comment is the one with the feelings: like envy, or low self worth or whatever. But their brain thinks it's you, so that's how it comes out. The reality is the lazy human brain doesn't want to process the complexities of things like self worth and empowerment, it would rather just be incredulous at how youthful you might look. So.... it's on them, and I have learned from my past not to own others' feelings. Of course none of that actually is helpful, because those scenarios just recur. If it was me, I might say to that person "I felt disrespected when you commented on my age." You're owning your feelings and giving the other person a chance to reflect on their words or actions. If you were to point at them and say "you made.me feel like this," that person will likely feel blamed and shut down, and be doomed to repeat it all.again...and you will not have owned your feelings. Ownership of feelings. Huge deal IMO.

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That's a compliment that I only get when I'm clean shaven (that's not often). The gray in my beard gives me away and makes me look older than I am. I'm okay with that.
As far as compliments go, it's not bad at all. Some people don't age well at all. You have good genes and probably live a healthy life. Run with with it lady.

May be I just tend to feel altruistic? I don’t like the idea that all women my age are expected to not look good, but with a few exceptions allowed. I feel like I need to put on my Wonder Woman outfit and defend my people.

1

I get told l don't look my age anytime l'm asked. Gives me a little pick me up. I should go to the carnival see how many stuffed animals l can win.

You can win some for me. I love stuffies.

@graceylou. Do you have a preference for any particular speicies of stuffies?

@Sticks48 I’m partial to monkeys but you know me, I love all stuffed animals.

@graceylou sock monkeys?

@Sticks48 Sure. I love sock monkeys. LOL.

@graceylou My brother and l had sock monkeys our grandmother made. They seem to be popular again.

@Sticks48 I had a sock monkey made in my likeness. LOL. She has all my tattoos at the time, and my nipple rings (but that’s a whole other story).

@graceylou ? Who made it? Do you still have it? That's really funny.

@Sticks48 Yes I still have her. There’s a local person who custom makes sock monkeys.

@graceylou Msg me a photo please, if you wouldn't mind. If not that's ok too. ☺

@Sticks48 I just did.

0

I get your point but I will add that often a woman to woman comment about looks and age seems to be about projection i.e. they hope to be as good looking/young looking at your age. That won't change your opinion I know.

Little story: I also look young for my age. When purchasing alcohol at a store there was a sign that said if you don't look 42 (twice 21) then you will be carded. The teller jokingly asked, are you older than 42? pointing the card. I said absolutely (grin)! Then she said, older than 48? I said I'm pushing 55.... I think she was coming on to me I realized much later... She looked like a beaten up 65 y.o.... Now I wonder if she was signaling she was an available 48 y.o. ?!

Lukian Level 8 July 11, 2018
1

Response with a confident "I know, right!". Own it

GwenC Level 7 July 11, 2018
4

Eight appearance-based "compliments" that are actually insults:

[bustle.com]

Ah hah. Yeah, see, it's not just me having a weirdo moment. I'm not just thinking about me, but also about all women of my age group or older. I get that the person making the comment may not be aware of the implication of what they are saying.

0

I look young for my age and don't mind when someone question it.

2

I don’t mind if someone says I look young for my age but looking good for my age I take as a different thing. It implies may be I should not look “good”. Or those my age can’t look good normally. And for professionals in their professional position should not even comment.

I will be turning 50 in 3 years. That should be a lot of fun!!!

@pepperjones I tend to see things more analytically and critically I guess. I'm sure they aren't aware of the implications of what they are saying. Still, there is the general assumption in the public's mind that those my age and older aren't expected to look good.

2

I've never felt ashamed of my age, actually it makes me feel proud to have lived this long since there have been so many times it could have ended abruptly. I've come paper close to death more than ten times in my life and have just celebrated by 75th birthday on the fourth of July. It's a joy to be able to sit back and think about it. Yes, it's good. Remembering when I came up for air after being swept off of a troop carrier by a wave in a north Atlantic winter storm, or how it felt to find my way back through the desert after my car broke down on a back road in summer. Crashes, fires, earthquakes, two attempts on my life, they've tried and failed. Sure, I'm happy to see 75. The scars are like badges. Be proud of it.

I know what you mean by not being ashamed of your age. I’m not either. I walk 3 miles a day at least 5 days a week, try to eat right and have been on this path for 37 years. I also go dancing at least twice a week. I look good, feel good, and regularly hear “nobody would ever guess you’re 88 years old!” Most of my friends are 20 or more years younger than me because we like the same things and do the same things. Naturally I feel on top of the world most of the time because I have lots of friends, my life is good and I enjoy it all I can.

1

People tend to think my kids are my brothers. That's kind of annoying really. Then people will say but you don't look old enough to be their mother. Well, I am and this is how old their mother looks.

@AmiSue I think they are just saying that the person looks young.

@AmiSue I'm pretty sure that they're not thinking of teenage pregancy or the math. : )

1

Yes I hate it. I've been getting age comments since my freaking 20s, not so much now lol, but it's still annoying, and yes RUDE.

/I've even thought about "padding" my age, to freak people out, just to F with them.

Qualia Level 8 July 11, 2018
1

I've always looked younger than my age I get that too I just consider it a compliment

3

"You look good for your age" is demeaning. They should say, "You look good."

0

I'm a little surprised this account of those interactions doesn't end up involving some sideways racist compliment from the other person. That was what I expected when I started reading, I was waiting for the receptionist to attribute this 'hard-to-comprehend juxtaposition of age and appearance' to race somehow. So I guess hooray for them not being racist about it...but ageism is its own gross and unacceptable paradigm.

When I was younger, people over a certain age looked 'old' and it created weird perceptive nonsense, but the older I get the less that seems to be present. In your teens and twenties, everyone even a couple of years older than you seems ancient and wizened. By the time you hit your 30s you've seen 60-year olds who look 40 and 20-year olds who look 50 and so it gets more apparent that trying to base a guess about age based on appearance becomes a little more obviously untrustworthy. This of course assumes you pay attention and exhibit at least some characteristics of social consciousness, which unfortunately seems beyond the concern of a disheartening number of people.

1

I also do not look my age. 20 years younger is the usual comment. If you resent it you need a good come back. It is better than them saying, "Gee . You're overdo for your face lift." If you were of African descent you would say as we do here in the US "black don't crack".

3

I have made effort to keep myself healthy and young looking so I don't mind when people say I don't look 50.

0

No one ever tells me I look good for my age, so I'm a bit envious.

Hermit Level 7 July 11, 2018

@Donotbelieve Aw, you're too kind.

@Hermit. May be because everyone your age is just as gloriously Adonis handsome and you are no exception.

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