If you are messaging with someone and they won't give basic information --such as what their job/career has been -- does it send up red flags?
Is it normal to refuse to answer questions like that?
I recently asked a member what job they had, and they only would tell me what they have been doing for the past year.
I asked for at least a general idea of what they had done for work for their adult life and received no further communication.
I have noticed that a great many people don't include any work info in their bios --- I'm not looking for specifics...but an industry and a job title would be useful.
Is it impolite these days to ask what one does for work?
I'm willing to cut folks some slack on this. They might have some kind of disability. Narcolepsy has pretty much made the idea of a career laughable for me. I wouldn't want to be shot down because of it, so I afford other folks the same chance.
but, see, I consider a disability something that should be shared pretty early on also...
Not if you are here for "community"...but if you are seeking more, then yes. Knowing someone's lifestyle and possible limitations is important. For example, if someone is a recovering alcoholic and prefers not to be around someone who drinks wine every night, that is important to know.
how does that affect you and you are very fair
@LimitedLight Eh, I'm up front about it. It's in my profile.
I would be curious to why they didn't want to tell me, but provided they seemed otherwise reasonably normal I'd be content to let them tell me in their own time. They might, for example, have a job they don't feel very proud about - a lot of people look down on those who flip burgers or clean offices, for example, so that could be one reason. Alternatively, they might not have had a career for some reason: I have a friend who has been dating for the last five years and dreads that question because, despite having a master's degree in physics from a very prestigious university, he didn't work between the ages of 25 and 42 as between those ages he was a heroin addict. He's been clean for six years, is a decent guy and is currently completing a teacher training course but experience has taught him that more often than not a date is as good as over if he's honest about his past.
People as often ask what other
folks do for work to gague the level of respect due to that person.. think about that for a second.. Now take work out of the equation...
You have nothing to gague respect other than human being-ism-ness.
Just my thoughts on it...I'm not saying it's right...ideally we should respect each individual equally but, in all honesty, we don't.
I figger:
it depends upon how long y'all been exchanging words
how many words, and how often
Since "Fatal Attraction" smart men have been more cautious about revealing stuff.
There is no way to know if you are a real person, that you are actually as you have represented yourself, that you do not have a history of stalking, and what your true intentions are.
right....except that I clearly list my occupation on my profile and uploaded 20+ photos ....
I'm also pretty sure I'm way too busy to devote anytime to stalking anyone....I have a business to run.
@SkotlandSkye But, there is no way to determine if what you post publicly is in any way real.
Which results in,
"What is she hiding, if she tells everyone all of this?"
"Why is she asking me that?"
"What does she already know about me?"
Men are increasingly fearful. We are just entering the age of "Accused = Guilty."
Men are more cautious, for all kinds of reasons.
@Jacar and women aren't?
@SkotlandSkye This is not a contest.
For purposes of dating or pre-dating I think it's entirely appropriate and fair game. Although outside the US, what one does for a living is not considered appropriate polite conversation or go-to ice-breaker topic, like it is in the US. In fact it's considered kind of boorish. You're supposed to ask about hobbies and interests, where one lives, but not work. But then again, that's for general socializing, not assessing someone as a potential life partner. For those purposes, it seems to me that if someone is withholding, then they're probably trying to get you roped in and committed before you find out about their former life as a mob enforcer.
Perhaps they work, as I do, in a sensitive place?
A person's livelihood is their own business & if they choose not to tell people, then it shouldn't be a big deal......especially online.
Sure, for general conversation, but I think she's talking about trying to assess a potential significant other.
@mordant Oh, ok. I guess I didn't understand that.
@Lilac-Jade
I believe this still depends on how soon it's asked.
With a potential love interest it can be even more rude.
"Hi, I'm Romeo."
"Hi Romeo, I'm Juliette. So, what do you do?"
"Well, you see Juliette, what I do is, I see whether someone is interested in me; how I think and what makes me tick. Usually that makes me fall for her... which is usually followed by many late night serenades at her window.
Then, if she can make great conversation by asking really interesting questions that take us to fascinating places... Well.. that woman? I would die for her.
I don't think it is impolite.
But to me I really don't care what a person does for a living, I only care about what kind of a person they are.
Would you not agree that some career choices also indicate what kind of person they are? For example, I would never in a million years want to be around someone that tortured rats all day long in a research laboratory.
@SkotlandSkye Well no, I wouldn't want to be around any one that tortured any thing. However, I do not have a problem with the use of rats for medical research.
You can refer to my post entitled "8 Questions to Ask Other Than "What Do You Do?"
This post was inspired by a question that preceded it, asking men their reasons for asking a woman this question right away. You might find some insight there, as I received many replies.
Research shows it's not the best thing to ask.
I love my job and am proud of it, but I despise the question when it's asked early in a conversation.
In many places around the world, it's actually considered a ride thing to ask. Me personally, I don't think it's rude, but I find it can sometimes be a loaded question.
I do not think it is impolite to ask. Maybe they're concerned that they won't measure up to your standards. Also possible that they're not proud of their work history. I would be a little suspicious but would probably keep talking to them out of curiosity.
Not impolite to want to know if you're chatting with a potentially opportunist bum. My red flag: wanting to talk or chat into the wee hours. They obviously don't have some where to be in the morning. Or saying they're a "contractor" one day, and the next day saying they work in the family business. Another is "I don't know but I feel excited when I talk to you. What if I move there? Would you date me then?". If all of that is coming from the same person - run.
They who do not want to say, were incarcerated. Usually one can tell from the prison jargon evident in their posts. But not all of them. The white collar criminals are very articulate.
That's my suspicion.
Wow! That's a sweeping generalization!
No,I do not see a problem,unless it's against the law.When Women ask me what I've done,I reply, "Give me a year, or time frame". Not doing so,would make me more than suspicious.......
If a Woman showed interest in me, I'd be as open,and truthful as possible.I've nothing to hide,no jail records,or anything that would harm my being believed.
I think it's a silly and irrelevant question. When someone asks me "What do you do ?"
My answer is: About what ?