Me, too. I'm recently separated from what I've come to believe is more monster than man. He controlled every aspect of my life, kept me isolated, told me that I was unlovable. He lied, cheated, and manipulated my feelings so well that I didn't know how deep his hold had become. I was so afraid of angering him that eventually I stopped speaking. He left me with the intention of punishing me, but I have survived. And now, he is 'so sad' about 'us. ' If I go back, my life is over. I feel like a child who is just learning how to live. It is so hard, but I am breathing for the first time in many years. I'm scared and very much alone, too. But I will never let him back in my life, my mind, or my heart. The world is dangerous, but also filled with love and beauty, more than you can ever imagine. Hold on. One more day. One more minute. One more second. It's going to get better.

1. Learn to drive. Driving is freedom.
2. Join something. Anything. Yoga, Zumba, skiing club, book club, cooking class.
3. In short... Take charge. You did it when you moved, keep it up.

Best wishes. Know folks here care.

They fill us up with all their needs. It leaves a big void when we go. You have to rediscover who you are and what you like to do. Now it's all your choice. You can do it. Give yourself time.

I've been in a similar situation and the best thing you can do is to stay away from them and cut them out of your life completely. I ended up changing my number and blocking my abuser on anything that they could potentially contact me on and it took a huge weight off my chest. I know you're lonely but that won't last forever. Stay strong! You got this!

The thing to remember is that it may be difficult but those things are not worth staying with someone that treats you badly. Take it from someone who's been there. As scary as it is right now, it's a lot less scary without the added burden of abuse. Branch out locally, start with FB groups to socialize until your situation is more stable to go out. Narcissist's win if you believe that they're your only option. Repeat after me, "I'm a mother fucking badass." say it as many times as possible and alternate it with the montra, "Fuck that asshole."

Do not, I repeat,DO NOT go back. The worst thing that can happen is the next guy will be an abuser and you'll leave him. As a prosecutor for over 20 years domestic violence is one of the things I couldn't put a dent in. I think people should just be anti-pain but you found a way out. You're wayyyy ahead of most. I'm not sure why you would move to a place without mass transportation if you can't drive but you can always move to a place with mass transportation. You get to start over. You get to find a new guy, you get to find new friends, and I'm sure your family if you have any is very happy for you. As we all are here. Congratulations for getting out. If you stop and think about it, however bad it is now, it was certainly worse when you were being abused..

First, my friend, my heart goes out to you. My last relationship was with an abuser (yes, men have this happen too), and I couldn't find the strength to leave until I discovered the abuse was also being done to my children (one of whom is disabled).

Sadly, my daughter still deals with anxiety (almost crippling anxiety, sometimes) because of the abuse she went through. As for me, I've focused on my kids, and tried to heal as best as I can.

On the surface, I am strong again; but what I don't share with many is the dreams - the dreams where 'she' is acting like the person I thought she was, the dreams that have me still - even six years later - wake up feeling like I am missing something, like I've lost something. I know better; I lived through it - my kids lived through it - but knowing better doesn't make it any easier, especially when hours are sometimes spent living in a dream that, upon waking, seems all too real.

But, even with what I still deal with, I can say this; please don't go back. Not by plane, boat or cab. Not even by the locomotion of your own feet. Because you know where that will put you; right back where you were - in a place that was so bad, that you had to leave, be it for your mental health, your safety, or both.

Loneliness? Yea - I've had times where the loneliness was so thick in the airt that I could taste it. Times where it hurt beyond the surgery I had when they found out that Lytocaine doesn't work on me. Times where I literally just wanted to die, and the darkest times, when I 'believed' that my kids would be better off without me.

I promise you - it does get better. But, as with all things, it will change in time. You will have successes and setbacks. Time will pass, yet there will be moments, years later, when you too will feel the pain of these events to powerfully, that you will think you never left them.

But you DID leave them. You DID get away. And you have a future, learning to move on, learning to live again, be it on your own, or when you find someone who will treat you right.

Please don't go back. Talk to us; let it all out - even the things you don't want to admit to yourself. Take command of all the hurt and pain, and let others help you.

Because we've been there before; now it's our turn to help you, as we were helped. As I was helped.

Love and light, my friend. Here if I can ever be of service.

Im sorry that happened to you. I left my abuser back in october. Honestly, it took me several months to feel normal. And i still feel down some days. Sometimes it helps when you can talk to someone who knows what you are going through

I think you may be able to get help from a domestic abuse support group even if he is far from you now.

Driving is not hard at all. Some type of access to transportation is vital to maintaining self support.
When I divorced t was not a physical abuse situation, but I had very few assets.

I had a broke ass cheap bike that I drove to work for about four years before I got my credit back to a point I could get a car. Actually, someone did me a favor and stole that bike a few months in. Had the ability and motivation to buy a halfway decent bike from an actual bike shop rather than a toy bike from Walmart.

Housing and even rent is very expensive. Try to find shared housing where you can just rent a room.

Don't go back.

Leaving is the first step. Good for you. Pat yourself on the back. It takes strength.

You need to find support. Nearly every city has some sort of support group for abusive relationships. You could even start with a Social Services or local women's center in the town where you live. It may take a few calls before you find someone you're comfortable with, but don't give up. You're worth it. And you don't need to do it alone.

You will probably run into some people who will tell you to pray for guidance, or to ask God to help you, or suggest you go to church, but know that you don't have to listen to their way of doing things. they mean well, but they don't know you.

Find a group or people that provide support that works for you, and you'll find your happy place.
There are plenty of other people out there who know what you're going through. Best of luck to you.

Don’t get involved with anyone until you have the ability to support yourself. Being dependent on your partner allows for abuse. Get a job, get a car and get on with it. There are programs for women out there that will help you get on your feet.

@misplaced I left my narcissist ex over 3 years ago. We have a child together and I was able to win sole legal custody. My case may not be as tough as yours but I still have to deal with her due to visitation etc.

I haven't had a decent relationship and quite honestly have barely had one in these 3 years. I know what its like to question ones ability, but that's the ex getting through to me. I still question if leaving was the right thing, but I think her willingness to choke me because I was taking our son on vacation is proof I was right to get out when I did. Returning would give them even more power; I've experienced and seen it way to many times and the results are never good.

Therapy group and individual is good. I've spent some time in therapy being reminded that I'm a better person then what I was told by my ex and in my case a better parent as well. I'm doing a lot better now; enough that my therapist said I could stop coming, so I did. It takes time to recover and you may not fully, but you will make positive progress overall.

I still have my moments but like any conditioned stimulus the longer you are away from it the less conditioned you become. I stay focused on my son and making sure I raise him to be mentally, emotionally, and of course physically healthy.

I've also figured out that I will meet the right person at the right time, or at least hope I will. Give yourself a break and find yourself again; the you who is free of the narcissist. Sounds like there are people on here that are willing to help in your area. I myself am willing to offer whatever support I can, just drop me a message.

Things will get better.

Hang in there. Every day is a victory for you right now. Things will get better in time. Give yourself love and stay strong.

Get outside and walk..everyday. Your mind will take you to healthier places. Volunteer. Give love to a child or animal. The rewards are unconditional gratefulness. Healing will take hold...I promise. DONT go back!

You did the right thing. Stay strong. It will get better.

I'm very sorry you had this experience. You have a large, and growing support community here. There is a high probability you'll meet someone wonderful on this site. =]

Don't go there it's bad you never know what will happen the next time
I've been a lone since 06 not for the same reasons but still alone it
Does get better you will find new things

Sorry you have gone through this. DO NOT GO BACK!! HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. HE HAS A PERSONALITY DISORDER AND CHANGE VIRTUALLY NEVER OCCURS NOR IS ABLE TO CHANGE WITH THERAPY.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND THESE TWO BOOKS-1-THE WISDOM OF PSYCHOPATHS,KEVIN DUTTON and THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR, MARTHA STOUT

I am a 70 year old doctor and have had trouble with a 50 year old patient, who wanted to be my friend and have me as her personal doctor, but was abusive in an antisocial way by lying, not keeping promises, always late and more. Not earth shattering things by themselves, but had a butterfly effect that upset my life. Had to go to therapy with a kind of PTSD, which is probably what you are experiencing.

I left my abusive wife nearly 6 years ago. All I had was a bag of clothes, my wallet and no where to live. I see my youngest daughter every week, took her to court to do it, but haven't seen my eldest since we separated courtesy of my ex undermining the relationship and corrupting a vulnerable child so the price was very high but...........In spite of the consequences the relief I felt at not being scared was palpable and I was, over time, able to redefine what was actually normal (to me) and not what it had become. Normal had become skewed. I also rediscovered me and while I haven't found anybody else I'm comfortable with me and that's a better place than I was in.

I hope you are able to move on and become the real you again, I know it hurts (I welling up writing this) but you're not leaving behind anything you need

Hi
Loneliness really hurts, I am going through the same feeling,but patience pays at the end ,come to Canada and join me,in a new journey. I mean it.

Abusers make you feel that no one will ever "love" you the way they did...that's how they control you.
Congratulations on getting out! I promise that you will look back on this and admire your strength & fortitude, plus, okay, shake your head at how you confused control for love.
You can find free counseling, and I highly recommend you do! Call the battered women's hotline in your area! Go for group counseling, there you will find new friends to give you a rides to it! If you can, move to a part of town where there is transit, or get a cheap bicycle....exercise is a powerful anti-depressant!
I was where you are 50 years ago, getting out alive is the hardest part, and you have done that!

Welcome to MD! You definitely need wheels, but don't get a bicycle because these people will run you over. If you need mass transit, then you'll have to move closer to Baltimore or DC.
Hit up downtown Annapolis and Towne center because it's close to you. Both are nice places and is very different from your location despite only being on the other side of the south river.
The big Renaissance Festival starts the end of next month. It's not far from you either. It's fun and entertaining, especially if you like to dress up in costume.
There's plenty to do and so many people in the area.

Don't go back.....find a no-kill animal shelter and volunteer -(hopefully one of the other volunteers can help you out with transportation) - and you will find a good deal of inner peace knowing you are helping abandoned and abused animals. Networking is a slow process but if you take the first step, you WILL meet new people and make new friends. Hang in there....

Don’t go back. Don’t jump into the next relationship too fast. It takes time to get your bearings.

A great book is “Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us” by Robert Hare.

It helped me understand these highly manipulative, abusive people. Knowledge will help avoid falling into the same pathological patterns moving forward.