I am also experiencing ostracism by my son and his wife. I have read a lot about this, talked to a therapist, drunk dialed a close friend and cried myself into exhaustion. There's really only one solution: I let my son know that the porch light will always be on, and the key is under the welcome mat. Patience. And living one hell of an awesome life. As Zelda Fitzgerald said, "Living well is the best revenge."

I loved my children so much, I thought they MUST have realized that they were my world. I felt I had to make up for their father's self-centeredness and indifference. So I was surprised when they expressed anger during their early adult days. For the most part though, my children and I have been supportive of each other through tough times. When the recession hit in 2009, I took a buyout from my company (a good move, the industry never recovered from that hit) and went back to school. But my age and the still faltering economy made it difficult to find work.At that point I also moved in with my adult children, oldest one for a year, next oldest for 9 months. And that did not work out. I did my best to be helpful and unobtrusive, but it just didn't work. Now that I am back in a place of my own, everything is fine, I help babysit for my grandchildren all the time and we are all close again. I hope things will work out well for you too. Life is just hard sometimes. But I'm sure you are a good mom and grandma. Love to you.

How old are the kids? I'm sorry your kids don't appreciate what a treasure you are.

Let it be, the harder you try the father you will push them away, remember life comes in circles they will return just give them their space for the moment. Never stop loving, and try to be there when they fall, you will find more peace in this approach. Just as you had to spread your wings as an adult so must they!

I don't know how old the child who lives with you is, but maybe it is an age related adjustment situation.
I also have a toxic relationship with my mother and I base my inter-actions with my daughter on that. ie I try not to act towards my daughter like my mother does towards me, which mean't that I had to let her go. I am not saying that you do this but in my case, once I stopped imposing my judgements on my daughter, our relationship blossomed and I found out that I not only loved her but I also liked her.

I don't know the circumstances of your estrangement, so it's not possible for me to give you any useful recommendations.

My daughter has refused to speak to me twice once for almost two years. I waited, never pushed, and went through hell. Eventually, she realized that I was the one person who had always been there to support her. Eventually she contacted me, and now we are close.

The only suggestion I can give is that when you get a chance to reconnect, start fresh and forget your past disagreements.

I think after age 18 we should stop lecturing and passing out advice and just let our children live their own lives, and only participate when invited to do so.

If we act needy and clingy with them it only makes them more desperate to move far away. It's best we stay happy and busy with our own lives, work, friends, etc. They'll let us know if they miss us.

I wish I had some advice. I don't have children. Maybe though I don't need to have children to understand adult friendships.

I have noticed that my relationships with friends do better when I work at connecting with them. If I reach out via text to invite them to dinner just to catch up or to talk, the friendship (relationship) gets better. I know it might be hard at first, they may not want to spend quality time with you and will resist reconnecting, but persistence and a sincere desire to learn about them as adults and support them in whatever they are trying to accomplish might work. I haven't spoken to my mother since 1997 and if she reached out and showed a sincere interest in my life without judging and I felt like she was trying to be supportive even though she may not agree with my lifestyle choices, then I would love her for that.

Without knowing any specifics all I can say is to have patience and just live your life best you can, be happy with yourself, be open to any and all communication with your adult kids. They are likely living their own lives, discovering how to adult without your help, and at some point they will invite you back into their lives. At least that's been my experience.

Sometimes kids just need to be on their own without any parental input until things settle into a time where they want your involvement. You've done the best you could with what you knew at the time. It's up to them now to complete their process growing into adults. We all do the best we can, and hope someday your efforts will be appreciated.

For me, it was when my daughter had her babies that she invited me back into her life wholeheartedly, rather than just the expected duty calls and visits while she was busy discovering her own life.

My son still keeps a bit of distance from me, but is closer with his dad. If he ever creates a family life of his own, I'm sure I'll be invited back into his life in a more wholehearted way. But for now, he's living his life, and I'm living mine. He does call me for recipes and other advice, but otherwise is pretty self sufficient.

It's sometimes a badge of a job well done that your kids don't need you any more? Hopefully a happy mutual relationship will eventually find a way to bring you closer together.

Given that you had a troubled relationship with your mom, seeing a therapist or counselor might help you get a better sense of the way the dynamic was passed from your mom to you. Remember you don't have to beat up yourself or anyone else for this. Also time and effort make forgiveness easier. Good luck to you.

Just because you are related doesn't mean you can/have to like them.....

Gee where do I start here..... Suffice to say, having kids is a full time job and a life sentence at the same time. There will be ups and downs, that's the nature of the job