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First Date Question: "How aware are you of your traumas and suppressed emotions and how are you actively working to heal them before you try to project that shit on me?"

AwarenessNow 8 July 29
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45 comments

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12

Throws drink in face

8

I bet you don’t have any second date questions.

6

First Date Answer: "I'd say I'm about as aware as you clearly aren't....also I really want to leave now, so bye."

6

Guaranteed to be your last date with that person.

5

Great question if you want to make sure your date doesn't want a second date with you.

5

Yikes! Not a first date kind of question!

5

That question projects enough shit for me to run away as fast as possible.

5

right back at you....let's hear about the work you've put into yourself.....so, how long have you been in counseling and what meds are you on? 😉

5

If someone is unloading their emotional baggage on you during a first date, time to remember something you must do at home, then don't accept another date.

4

Seems a tad confrontational for a first date! It would make me leave!

4

That's a walk away, block her number kind of question... Something you should bring up with your therapist.

4

Not really a first date question. More like a final date question.

3

I would say that would have to go in the silly category because I can't think of anyone having a fun time after that!!!!

3

You don't. You look for someone whose baggage matches yours.

3

More aware of my traumas than the guy using that line on me.

Anyone that's first reaction on a first date is to accuse their date of having unresolved severe trauma and baggage obviously has enough unresolved trauma and baggage on their own.

3

That would be a first-date-that-is-also-the-only-date question

GwenC Level 7 July 29, 2018
3

That's a terrible first date question. It's negative and too personal.

I'm not going to describe my personal growth or tell sad stories on a first date.

"Kathleen, you have grown tremendously in the past five years," my ex-husband said. High praise. Using Motivational Interviewing techniques, my relationship with our daughter improved tremendously.

Most men are not aware of their own suppressed emotions.

In my experience, most guys can hold it together for about three weeks. Then the bad behavior comes out, the same bad behavior that killed their past relationships.

This is because very few men work on their personal issues, unlike many women I know.

@HotAlutiiq
I'm not surprised.

@HotAlutiiq

I was referring to:

"I know lots of women who talk about their issues and fears and neurotic desires but don't actually work on them."

I was not talking about you.

@HotAlutiiq

I have had years of therapy to get over the pain of being sexually and emotionally abused by my first husband. I essentially married my father. An alcoholic, my dad criticized me constantly.

3

Heavy for a first date, it seems.

3

Were I your date and you asked the question that way, you would be a one time event. I'd excuse myself, leave, and let you pay the bill.

3

I'd be asking that before the first date, while we were still talking and getting to know one another.

I honestly have never understood why anyone would ask a complete stranger out on a date. Like, you know nothing about me; how the hell you know you wanna date me??. I've heard there's a much better model in the UK: purportedly people just hang out in mixed-gender platonic friend groups, spending time getting to know one another (a least a little bit) before they decide if they want to try "dating" someone romantically. That seems like a much better idea to me!

@stinkeye If I recall correctly, that's how we did it when I was in my youth. We met people at school, or the community pool (during summer), or through other friends, etc. We did it all in person. It started with multiple conversations, group activities, and then maybe a date.
I'd happily go back to how things were 40 years ago, in that particular respect anyway.

2

That is not right, but most definately funny as Hell!!

Etre Level 7 July 30, 2018
2

OK. Let's just cut to the quick, shall we? That said, may actually help in some cases. 🙂

zuch Level 3 July 30, 2018
2

Well that would make me spit the 1.75 Starbucks coffee in your face. Accidentally of course. I go Dutch so you can't really tell me how to behave with my coffee.
I would grade you as below average in my black book. Someone who is probablly, at 60, cannot handle self reflection of their own character flaws.?

2

In the spirit: First Date Answer: How much of your sexist baggage are you dragging around from when you watched your Dad dominate your Mom just for the hell of it?

2

That seems like a pretty heavy first date question.

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