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So I had a damn unpleasant lunch. My theist boss decided to attempt to exorcise what he called the ”air of atheism” that he detected about me. Early on he talked about God being outside space and time then rambled up to making the point that a thousand years is but a day to God which made me ask him how that could be if he’s outside time and space. I also pointed out that if only a year was just a day to God then he would have to be traveling at 99.9996 percent of the speed of light relative to my velocity and that to get a thousand years would require much more energy and would collapse God into a quantum black hole. Not being a particularly educated man he told me not to make up numbers, so I had to explain the Lorentz transformation for time dilation which is T=To/SQRT(1-((VxV)/(CxC))) in near (post doesn't show the asterisk used by Excel to indicate multiplication) Excel speak where V=velocity and C=the speed of light which is 186282.396 miles per second. I proved that for my year to be equal to a day to a being traveling through space they would have to go 186281.6977996 miles a second.
He looked at me with hollow eyes and said ”Lets agree to never talk about this again.”
Yay science!
Going to HR after this post to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Novelty 8 Aug 3
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13 comments

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1

Next time ask him to "invite" you to lunch in writing and tape the conversation. Then sue the crap outta him and the company he legally represents. You have a right to not be harassed on your lunch break!

0

yay! you nailed it - without stigmata.

2

HR is occasionally the very most useful service in the universe.

2

Well done, Sir. That is awesome.

2

Good for you!

1

I never argue with these mor[m]ons.

3

Sounds like you had a grand time. And he learned not to mess with an educated thinker !

1

Once got ambushed by a similar 'talk'

What made mine amusing was that the talk was the icing on my 'stupidity cake'

Last year of undergrad I was dating a good friends sister...that lived in the house next door... with her parents... while dating, I ended up working for her dad......who happened to be the backup minister at their church?!?

One night,after work, he invited me out to dinner......turns out it was to discuss my eternal soul and the forging love of jess

Only upside was that the girl was moderately agorophobic.....so, I accepted a graduate assistants hip 5-states away and loaded the moving truck in the dark of night

Teter Level 4 Aug 3, 2018
1

I got fired for being an Atheist. Or rather, my project was cancelled by my Evangelical boss's boss and I was laid off 2 days after I put up a "Zombie Jesus" poster in my cubicle.

1

I once had a manager tell me, at my annual performance review, that I should become a Buddhist to seek a path of self-discovery. 😀

0

I once had a manager tell me, at my annual performance review, that I should become a Buddhist to seek a path of self-discovery. 😀

1

You're my hero!

3

Nice and brave comeback. There used to be an executive at my company (he is no longer there) that was a preacher on the side. I used to be subjected to his long daily ‘god talks’ with the guy a couple of cubicles over. The worst part was that this Exec was head of HR so there was no way anyone would complain.

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