To it seems marriage should be an achievement, a prize at the end of the road when two people that stuck together through it all.

Purely for financial taxes and inheritance.

It is a detriment to men and a benefit for women. Trash and nothing more. I say if you going to get married go for a fake one far more customizable and if you want to break up just say you are done and walk away. I have dealt with the system and holy fuck is it a bitch towards men.

I woke up this morning and for some reason I had this thing some comedian said on my mind from years ago. Then I thought about this thread and thought I would share. I honestly can't for the life of me remember who that comedian was, and to some people it could be a bit derogatory towards marriage especially if yours is the first and much better than all that... but the story was like this:

As far as marriages go, 3 is a magic number. Marrying 3 times for very different reasons and that final one seems to be the goal, and the best or happiest... usually. There are always exceptions.

The first is for love. You don't know what the heck you are doing but its all hot and heavy. It burns hot and fast and often bombs horribly in the first couple years. If you didn't do that you were smart enough to get through that without signing papers.

The second is for children, that family unit. Everything is about the kids and all your attentions go into the kids and car pools and school and birthday parties and collage and getting them the heck out the door! Then, in the end, you look at each other and realize you still don't know a darn thing about each other. that or you realize you really don't like each other that much.

The third seems to be the magic number because you have done the hot and heavy and you done the kid thing, now it's all about you and that other person, a mutual respect, companionship, trust, honesty, support... the real deep down stuff. This is the goal all along but some people just seem to forget that you have to, no acceptions, absolutely have to consider that other person you are with on an equal or better standing than yourself. That other person must also do the same.

That seems to be a hard thing for younger people especially (though I have seen some older folks who never got there) to figure out early on. It's one of those later in life things unless you happen to be one of those lucky people who either had some married couple in your life to show you by example or just relationship focused enough to consciously think it through over time and keep the warning signs in mind no matter how attractive you find another to be. It seems to always boil down to respect for self and for others.

Very sorry for the length, I guess I woke up chatty.

I'm currently married and have been with this man 27 years next month. I was married before but wouldn't stay with the abusive sob. I'll likely not marry again if something happens to this husband partly because of my age and partly because I'm a lot more independant and solitary these days. I often joke with friends that if something happened and I found myself single again, I wouldn't remarry.... I might have a fling or three or five... maybe all at the same time, but not likely marry again.

I do think it depends on the kind of person you are and what you are looking for in life and in a partner. Marriage right now seems to be more for legalities. If one spouse passes, the other has control over what they built together but if not, family members swoop in and the survivor pretty much gets nothing but memories. Insurance and taxes are typically much more manageable. People won't pick on your kids for being illegitimate though that seems to not be all that important anymore.

I will never marry again, it was too hard to get out of. My ex spent thousands trying to stop the divorce. I lost everything except my kids, so I won, but also lost everything in a relationship where I was not married but had lived with the women for 11 months 5 years previously. Ha, I lost house and car and gained one of her kids, hmm, not sure if that is a good thing or not, expensive every which way. I don't see it at all necessary, my son wants kids, but not a wife, and my gay daughter is getting married and they do NOT want kids, So whatever the individuals want.

Thank you all for your take. I married young, because you know, that's what you do in the south. Get married to your high school sweetheart and have a couple of kids. Man, if I could go back.

I think it's more a celebratory event that two people do to show they love each other.. some for just mutual benefits.. but seems either way it don't last. Im 38 and never been married though.. so what do I know lol.

Marriage is an unnatural state. Nature only provides for "consorting pairs" on a temporary basis to ensure the continuation of the species. If a longe term condition were natural, there would not be a 50% divorce rate with many of the rest remaining in an unhappy arrangement. "True love" is a social construct that is based on a myth, just as is religion...and is sworn to just as adamantly by believers despite the evidence to the contrary.

Been there, done that. I think it's obsolete, but if some people want to do it , fine with me.

My first and only marriage was when I was young. It was a disaster, but it didn't leave me with a distaste for marriage as an institution. I'm not looking for a husband, but I have no cynicism towards marriage.

Been there, done that. Burned the t-shirt.