Same. Though those women I've met who do hate all men usually have an understandable reason to do so - in most cases, all the men in their lives have been so completely shit it's no surprise.

@Jnei Some men are awful. And often they're sexually abusive in that awfulness. I fully get that some women have had sexual and domestic experiences with men that have put them off men for life.

Then again, the boot can be on the other foot. My relationship with my female ex was massively emotionally abusive. I didn't realise it until I got out, and started to realise what I'd actually put up with on a day to day basis. One of psychological abuse's approaches is to convince you that you aren't worthy of any better. And she had that one off to a tee.

And rather than force sex upon me, she forcibly withdrew it. I wasn't allowed to have it with her, and I wasn't allowed to have it with anyone else, either. It happened on her terms when she felt like it, typically 3-4 times per year throughout most of the relationship. If I ever tried to instigate it, I'd be told in no uncertain terms that if I didn't desist, I would ruin my chances of it happening any time soon.

To be brutally honest, this puts me off trusting and dating women. I'm essentially bisexual (though with a strong preference for male) but exclusively date males by choice. So I can fully understand someone deciding, based on personal experience, not to date a particular sex or gender. It's the spreading of hate and the indoctrination of naive people who haven't had such experiences that's the concern, here.

@NicoleCadmium I am not saying I doubt that your relationship was emotionally abusive, this is tragically very common, but the example you gave was that you "weren't allowed to have sex with her"? In a thread about rape? Of course you're not allowed to when she isn't up for it, don't you think that's a bit tone deaf?

@Ellievescent Frankly, I think denying any human being with a healthy sex drive an opportunity to even seek an outlet for it is cruel and unusual punishment. I fully accepted her right to say 'no.' That was why I only ended up having sex 3 or 4 times a year with her. And you should have seen the reaction I got the one time I refused, because I was tired and just not in the mood.

What's sad, and all too common is (typically female) partners saying "I'm not going to have sex with you, and you're not allowed to go and look for it with someone else, either." If someone isn't willing to meet their partner's reasonable sexual needs, then that partner should be free to look elsewhere.

And then people end up being condemned for cheating. If you had a dog as a pet and never walked it, people would be all too ready to condemn you for that, too.

@NicoleCadmium Your framing of this is so odd. You talk like anyone has an obligation to have sex, in the same way that a human has an obligation to a dog (a very hierarchical relationship!). I too personally would like to see people move away from a monogamous model because I think it a bit unhealthy, but it is the expectation in our society, and framing not wanting sex as a denial of someone's human rights is highly highly questionable, because that implies entitlement. No one owes anyone sex, end of. I'm sorry to hear that you were unhappy in your relationship but if someone posts something about the high rate of sexual assault women endure, and your response is "I don't trust women because they withold sex from me", it doesn't look too good.

@Ellievescent Are you wilfully missing my point at this stage?

I'm not saying that anyone has the obligation to provide someone else with sex. Far from it. I am saying that nobody should have the right to force another human being into celibacy, and in relationships where there is no sexual interest from one party, the other party should be free to seek an outlet elsewhere, with another consenting adult.

And yet so many marriages and relationships end up in this enforced celibacy scenario, often with one party withholding sex as a means of making the other miserable. My ex had the kind of depression that was somehow relieved by making me just as miserable as she was. Withholding any kind of intimacy was one of the tools that she used to make that happen.

For some reason, society seems to see this as reasonable, and the denied party looking elsewhere as unacceptable.

If you have a dog and can't or aren't prepared to walk it, then get a dog walker to walk it for you, or leave yourself open to being accused of animal cruelty. The analogy is valid. The difference is that we care more about animals' welfare than we do about people's.

@NicoleCadmium "The difference is that we care more about animals' welfare than we do about people's." You are so off the mark. Humans consume animals' flesh all day long! Some kind of concern that is. Anyway, that's besides the point. My point was, you chose a thread about the threats women face on a day-to-day basis from sexual predators to talk about how it's really hard not to have sex and that's why you don't trust women. Like I said, tone deaf.

@Ellievescent It's a two sided coin. Forcing someone to have sex is wrong. Forcing someone not to have sex with anyone, even if the opportunity for consensual sex comes along is a different kind of wrong, but still wrong. Yet it's going on in marriages and other relationships across the globe, and seems to be perfectly acceptable. There will be people reading this who are in this situation themselves.

I really couldn't give a toss about whether or not that's 'tone deaf.' If that's the only point you're making, and you actually don't believe it's reasonable for one individual to force sexual abstinence upon another, then I consider this a non-argument.

man·splain
manˈsplān
gerund or present participle: mansplaining
(of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.

Men are raped 1 in 71. No one said it doesn't happen just it can fucking suck to have a vagina. Since you know... math

@Sirena

J'nei is a friend. Very srry for my mal intrusiveness. Was not being condescending nor patronizing. Trying to lighten the air and be evolved. Rape is horrible and yes, I have the Greatest respect for the Female and Female intelligence. I do understand gender inequality, and I am well versed in History as well as Linguistics. I do understand how lower conscious beings force females into submission. To control someone mentally, physically, and sexually is a most grievous act of criminality. I cannot pretend to know or understand what a women feels when her nature of being feminine is atrociously taken from her. I once again apologize for making you feel discontorted towards my inept remark that was made in a most humble way and ment as an act of comedy with a very serious message. I in no way was discrediting or disrespecting the sacred feminine. Please accept this offering of apology.

Etre

Seriously, it’s not mansplaining to want inclusion in the same sphere when applicable. Thanks for the toxic masculinity about silencing an oppressed minority. Male rape victims suffer tremendously in silence. Feminism is breaking down these silos and helping both sides overcome these issues.

I hate the argument that we need to be more cautious, of course we all need situational awareness but you know a 100% foolproof way to not have rape in our society? Don’t rape people. Onus is on the would be rapist to not rape, not the victim to not be victimized.

@Sirena Where are you getting your statistics? Here is a link to the FBI crime statistics regarding rape. Your numbers are way too high.

[ucr.fbi.gov]

@Etre I apologize, didn't realize you were making a joke. I'm tired of men talking down or down play to what everyday day life can be.

@kensmile4u I think it had males, men and boys in the summary. I can't read this one well, like difference between criteria 1 and 2?

@Sirena

No apology needed. It is a very sensitive subject, and I should have been more intuitive. Demeanor of written language is difficult to interpret without inflected tones. Your reaction was perfectly resolved by your emotions. You were being honest to your thoughts and feelings, and brave enough to stand for your values. Quite Noble to stand for Humanity!!

@Sirena In 2013 the FBI changed the definition of Rape. This had an effect on the numbers. Both sets of numbers on this chart include male and female adults. So even with the combined number of both sexes this data is much much much lower than your number cited for just men. I suspect your source has included numbers from a country with a much higher rape rate.

@kensmile4u thanks, I'm a bit tired with school starting... so I don't remember right now. But point made

As the old saying goes... "There's a bowl of M&Ms on the table. 1 in 6 of them contain a lethal dose of cyanide. Would you be cautious or grab a handful?" That's one of the most effective ways to make men understand why so many women are cautious until they know them well enough not to be, I've found.