My personal take on this is to be as honest as you can, with your new parner in mind. It is important for them to know who you really are both positives and negatives. However, you don't want to overwhelm them too early. Our baggage is part of who we are and will not go away. For example I lost my wife recently and she will always be part of me (my lifestory). It will be important For any future partner to be aware of this trauma and that it has shaped my life in unpreducable ways.

I think open and honest communication is always the best way To go about it.

Depends. If you are in a long term relationship, these things can be revealed slowly over time, but they aren't appropriate to share in the first six months or so. If you break up, your secrets could be spread to others, or put on the internet.

If you are female, it's never wise to spill your guts to a man, or tell him all our past mistakes or about your past with your exes.

Even if you don't disclose them, they come out.

Depends on the relationship. If it's with someone you intend to have a committed, long-term relationship with, I would vote for full-disclosure. They have a right to know what they're getting involved with. They also have a right to decide for themselves if they're even interested in engaging with those issues.

Yes, share. Getting close to someone is a process of opening up and disclosing who we are, and developing that trust is vital. It's not about looking to your partner to solve your problems, but having them see, appreciate, and love you for who you are. It takes time, and only really something you need to disclose as you get to know someone better.

Personal, case by case basis....as no two people are identical nor are their past traumas, triggers, or how they deal with them.

There is no room for sweeping generalizations when it comes to mental health, healing, and relationships.

I think that it's best to share on a need to know basis.

the level of sharing should be equal to the level of trust. i am not going to to share some of my "darker" moments with someone i am only dating "getting to know". However in a long term relationship, built on mutual respect and trust, you should be able to share anything. that is true intimacy, the baring of your soul and all of your experiences that make you who you are. you will know when it is safe to share

Depends. Do you want a deep relationship or a casual surface only friendship with sex relationship?
In One you share everything, the good, the bad and the ugly and in the other to keep stuff to yourself and remain unauthentic. I know which one I prefer.

Communication is key. It's healthier for the relationship to share your issues so your partner can be there to help when needed, and knows what you're working on, what things are triggers for you so they can try to avoid them. ...Of course, this isn't something you open with when you're first dating someone, but only if you've decided to establish a relationship and work on it together. If you're just being casual about things, not wanting commitment, then by all means, keep that stuff to yourself. And also hope your partner's on the same page with the casualness and lack of commitment.

As the relationship develops, all of the baggage each of you carry will inevitably be unpacked. Would you prefer your partner finding out about all of it on their own, the hard way? Or maybe you'd prefer to take control of the discovery process yourself? I'd argue for honesty. Hiding things dooms relationships, it doesn't save them.

I recently reconnected with someone from my deep past. While sharing, some of our lighter shadows caused her mask to slip and she became vulnerable in that moment, showed deep pain. I stayed up with her, let her talk it out. Over the last 2 weeks she's pulled away. So I would think knowing what's under the surface is very important. She's repressed much of her past and it's probably a good thing that her mask is back, she appears happy and I'm no consideration at all. Dodged a bullet.

I definitely think these things should be shared with close relationships. Not necessarily for everyone. The process of healing should be yours alone. It's okay for others to be aware of this but try not to depend on others to partake in the healing process. They could end up being a crutch.

IMHO, honesty does not require full-disclosure. We are all entitled to our privacy; even from our partners. Secrets that affect those close to us, are, of course, another matter.

If you cannot be totally and 100% honest with your partner you should leave!

Fitering vs Oversharing
I have an initial platform of open and honest, but not overwhelm and over-share.
I work on having a Filter First Profile and stating some things upfront.
I am open and honest about shortcomings -- but I don't go into my childhood, messy Ex's etc
Let the relationship unfold, take some time- you'll find new triggers!
Finding someone who knows what "shadow" is --that alone would be thrilling

It is definitely better to share those things. But, don't unload everything at once. It can be too difficult to process.

how is your partner going to help you if you don't open up?

g

I have NEVER understood nor subscribed to this. You are with someone to share your life. How can you possibly do that by excluding all the time you were attached or not single.
probably helpful for both of you to know what went wrong in your relationships as you see it to help avoid repeating the same mistakes.

But I am very unconventional with "dating" so I know this isn't a very typical thing

I think if you are in for a long run with that partner, they should know. It will make it easier for them to understand why you may be annoyed by things that otherwise wouldn't make sense. It will also help both of you gain deeper understanding of the relationship.

Seems to me the point of a lasting relationship is to share life together, and that necessarily includes past present and future joys, sorrows, triumphs, etc, etc. I suppose finer details might be a discretionary choice. I am clumsily honest and blurt out all kinds of things that may or may not be well received, but hey, caring is sharing and all that jazz. Hopefully you have someone you can share your dark little secrets with and trust that they will keep them well. But, that might be my word of caution is, how well can you truly trust the person you're with? Some people really seem to enjoy drama, and would certainly not be candidates for sharing the dark corners of your soul with. But, at that point, what kind of relationship are you in? But, I think if you're with someone you trust and are teying to build a lasting relationship you should be able to share just about anything with them.

I don't know what a shadow is in this context. Maybe not immediately, but in general, secrets aren't healthy. When you're comfortable, show your demons.

That is a great question. I think living honestly/authentically is the only way to go.....but.....our shadows, triggers, neurosis, demons are ultimately our own burden to bare. A danger is that sharing too much can lead people to define you by your problems and they might treat you as if you are weak And broken. I want to get past my demons, not be defined by them.....but.....I also think it is good to let people in on the source of idiosyncracies so they can understand why they should not take them personally.

I'd say it's best to be honest and open about it so that they are aware of the process you're going through and understand some of the difficulties or mood changes you may go through while working on yourself. I think it's always best to be as authentic as possible and be yourself even as you're going through a growth process. If they can't handle it then that's on them it's never good to edit the deeper parts of yourself to maintain a relationship. That's just my opinion though

If it’s something that’s going to keep coming up you almost have reveal and discuss it. No way am i going to tell all the sordid details of when I was a horny little coward. That’s water under the bridge and it would serve no purpose to talk about it.