I can totally relate to your post.
I have let go but not forgiven and I am content with that. I do not need to forgive in order to move on. The toxicity of what happened is no longer a part of my life but he doesn't get to have my forgiveness.
'I know I shouldn't expect anything from him' hit the nail on the head. Letting go is a great decision on your part. All the best in your endeavor.

It's so frustrating when the person you loved and married turns into someone so different you can barely recognize them anymore. That's what happened to me and my ex. She changed into a completely different woman over the course of our 20 years together. I think back to how she was when we met, dated, got married and compare it to how she is now and I'm at a loss to explain the severity of the metamorphosis. Sounds like you had to deal with the same thing.

Look, if he lacks the empathy and/or introspection to see his mistakes then an apology from him is meaningless. If it doesn't come from the heart, it's not worth having. I think you already know that which is why it's probably best that you've given up looking for it from him. My ex lied and cheated and still hasn't offered an apology for any of it so I no longer look for one.

I'd give anything to have my ex back the way she used to be as I'm sure you'd like your ex to be the man he was when you got married. Sadly, it's unlikely to happen.

Yeah, damn it!

Let it all out. We can't do much but we can listen. Take care

I got fucked over too
I feel nothing other than love, compassion and understanding for how you feel, I have been there myself. I can brag about outliving. (Assholes.) Or how I proved their opinions wrong just by doing a lot better. Live on and don't give a shit about the assholes. Assholes only stink, they NEVER apologize. Love is what life means. Love makes no sense unless you make it who we are. It is all we are. It is there. Be love.
Kevin

I feel nothing other than love, compassion and understanding for how you feel, I have been there myself. I am a better person than the others I can brag about outliving. (Assholes.) Or how I proved their opinions wrong just by doing a lot better. Live on and don't give a shit about the assholes. Assholes only stink, they NEVER apologize. Love is there if you feel it. Love makes no sense unless you make it what we are. It is all you are.
Kevin

I really feel this. My ex was textbook emotionally abusive. He was controlling, manipulative, cruel, chronically dishonest, and willingly screwed me over any time that was the easiest way for him to get what he wanted- and he didn’t see any reason why hurting me should factor into his decision-making.

Since our divorce, he has only expressed remorse that it didn’t work out for him, not for the harm he did to me. So the closest to an apology was to say “I was immature” or “I screwed up.” No - you were an abusive bully. As frustrating as that is, I realize that if he had the emotional capacity to feel remorse for harming me, he would not have continued to do so for many years.

I understand this and I don't blame you. I might feel like that too if it happened to me.

On the other hand, I'm not working towards any goals except maybe staying alive a bit longer. I'm not bettering myself or going to school, and I'm not trying to become who I ought to be. I work and I draw SS too. I'm reclusive but lonely, and I prefer to live alone. The exciting days of my life have passed.

People do weird things and I think a lot of it is tied to mental illness. My Ex tried to destroy me in every way possible, financially, emotionally and even physically but she still called me up to ask my opinion about the guy who had just proposed to her and she ultimately married because . . . . I was the only person in the world that she really trusted. Logic escapes some people, their emotions rule them for good or bad and there is often nothing you can do about it except encourage them to get professional help.
The last words I heard from my Ex were about 20 years ago in a crowded courtroom, she turned to me and fixed me with a hate filled stare and then said 'Why did you have to fuck me like a whore'. I was so surprised by her statement that I was speechless, I always thought that I had fucked her just the way she liked it at least based upon her physical and emotional response. My current wife responded on my behalf and told her that she really needed to seek professional help. The hard part is to not blame yourself for any more than you yourself are responsible for, just deal with that part and leave their part in it for them to clean up themselves.

That's a shame, and I'm sorry for what you've been through, but you're definitely better off without him. Let him go his way, and you go yours. Things will get better.

Sounds like he was but another wearer of a mask. Once he caught you, he thought all the effort would just magically happen of its own accord based on the "privilege" of his being under the same roof as you. Just... FTS

You owe yourself an apology as well, for subjecting yourself to all of that. There's no requirement for you to ever forgive him, and based on that post, I don't think anyone will blame you if you don't. The most you'll ever get from him will be excuses.

My ex-wife would always turn an apology around so that she was apologizing on my behalf. "I'm sorry you're mad." or "I'm sorry if that bothers you." and that sort of thing. She never admitted she was wrong and never apologized for her actions.

There's a book, "Women who love too much," that might help you.

Sounds all too familiar, sadly.