A leather bound fricking Bible!!! Although the pages do make great rolling paper!!!

My second husband's two sisters gave me peanut brittle for Christmas, every
year we while were married.

I have a severe peanut allergy.

I would love it if someone got my short ass a stool.

My ex-MIL gave me a box of rocks for Christmas one year. It was a hot stone massage kit, but I'm not a big fan of the receiving massages... So the gift was a box of rocks to use to give her son massages? That's a gift for him, and it's still a box of rocks.

A wedding ring, we had been married for 11 years and I never had one. Two months later she divorced me

One of my cats brought me a baby rabbit - missing its head (of course) and some of its entrails. The cat was actually quite pleased with himself for dropping this little gift on my doorstep.....me - not so much.

I can't remember ever getting a bad gift. Whether it was a lump of steel, a broken spring, or a half dead plant. Anything ever given was offered with the best intentions.

An excuse. Got one of them pretty much every year from the ex.

Jumper cables for Christmas. Like who could live in this dogforsaken winter hell and not already have a dozen of those.

Chocolate sprinkles. My aunts from the Netherlands always brought over chocolate sprinkles as gifts. I guess Dutch chocolate sprinkles are special but really it’s all junk ingredients except in a foreign language.

For my birthday, my boyfriend took me to the Pendleton Woolen Mill in Oregon. Willy picked out a pattern and plaid fabric for me to sew him a shirt.

I was appalled. When I left Willy three years later, the unused fabric and pattern were still in his trunk.

When I was 7 my parents bought me one of those stupid child leashes 'for my birthday' (wrapped it and everything) and the next day I went outside while they were sleeping in and 'played' with it on the deck (mostly just attached it to a railing and tested elasticity and full stretch length or whatever) and 'accidentally' snapped the line.

Mothers Day 2008 or 2009. I had let my ex know I wanted a flower bed built in the back yard. My ex has a Xian Hymnal website. That year he wrote an Easter hymn. He used music from another hymn and wrote new words. Nothing about mothers or love or children. He dedicated that hymn to me on his website. When I opened the envelope and read the words and the dedication I almost barfed. He should not have quit his day job and I hate poetry anyway. I said "thank you." and changed the subject. In our divorce I specified that my name had to be taken off his website. Gag me, freaking gag me. I filed for divorce a few months later

"You gave me dirt!" Tony protested for years. He had a point.

Tony, my brother-in-law, loved gardening and had just bought a house. I'm a gardener, too.

For Tony's Christmas present, my husband and I excitedly assembled three large, decorative, clay pots, a gift card for Home Depot, Miracle Grow fertilizer, and a large bag of potting soil.

We used to have someone in our extended family that would give people cans of soup.

Done up with nice wrapping mind you.

He thought it was funny ...

For Christmas or by birthday, I can't remember which, from my sister I got her used panties. They were wrapped up in a box with tissue paper like they were new, and they were too big. That took frugality too far.

My husband at the time gave me a short flanell gown adorned by two fuzzy balls that hung from the neck!

Thought you'd appreciate this given your worst gift ever.It's where my normally heighted (is that a word?) colleagues put the step stool in our school storage closet.

My very cheap mother gave me an iron she got free from the bank. A gift for opening an account. This happened after she asked me if I needed an iron and I said no. Lol.

Every shirt one of my Grandmothers gave me, no matter the occasion.

A bible.

A lap dance from some one who was not at all at tractive.
Although, my friends who paid for it got a good laugh.
I made them buy all of my drinks that night.

My ex once gave me a broom set for an anniversary present. I should have dumped him back then and saved time.

Close second..I had a sister-in-law who liked to give ugly, mismatched crocheted knick-knacks for Christmas. I filled a drawer with them, then, years later, put them in a Goodwill box.

A marriage license, oh wait I had to pay for that. And pay, and pay.

Just something to share....every year at Christmas I would try to get all the office employees a little something - it finally got to the point where it was ridiculous. These guys had everything they needed (or wanted) so one year I signed up with that group that lets you buy livestock (chickens, milk cows, etc) to be given to communities in underdeveloped countries in dire need - so I did that - in their names. The guys seemed shocked - one of them said he heard people talk about stuff like that - but he didn't think anyone actually did it. ???????? I think they were actually disappointed they didn't get their usual bottle of booze or whatever.... hahahaha

I've received nothing for so many birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays that I'm more shocked and surprised when someone remembers or takes the time to say something or get me something. Of course, since I tend to be more generous than intelligent when it comes to family, friends, and significant others....I always give gifts and cards. That is one of the things I'm trying really hard to stop doing.....putting time and effort into people who don't care/notice/reciprocate the feelings. I'm tired of feeling like people only keep me around because I what I either A) do for them or B) can give them.