Have you ever had a relationship, either romantic or just personal friendship, which ended badly. When you later met someone with the same first name of the individual of the failed relationship/friendship, you found yourself challenged to give that person a fair chance at friendship due to your reaction their first name? Sounds a bit shallow I know, yet it has happened to me a few times. If it has happened to you, how did you deal with it? Or did you not deal with it?
That is an interesting question ... Several years ago I met a lady who was using the same name as my ex ... I just gave her a new name 。。。 but dispite the relationship didn't last ...
Yeah sure it sounds so similar to me I first feel depressed giving people who are named after my ex chances but I don’t get my head much into it cause thats nothing but a blind conclusion when I don’t even know what they got in heart answering the same name doesn’t impose similar Character in human being, So I’m not bothered getting along with someone who answers my ex name. Open to anything, cause we never know who is who
For one thing, the given name was imposed and that person had nothing to do with it. So, no issue for me. I wouldn't even care if your name is the same as that crazy girlfriend we all had at certain long gone past..... ?
The family name was imposed too ...
I definitely have caught myself applying negative past memories to the names of people I have just met. My first husband's name was Paul. For many years, I automatically distrusted people who shared his name. At some point, I realized that WE DO NOT CHOOSE OUR NAMES. I don't know why it took me so long. My youngest son is named Jeffrey. My best friend's arch nemesis is named Jeffrey. I did not give him this name to offend or upset her. I had already moved on from negative name associations. It took her several years to get over it but she eventually did.
Not exactly, but between the book Sybil and the movie and the fact that my first wife's mother had that name and was a complete controlling, gaslighting asshat ... I tend to have a bit of a default issue with that particular name. Twenty years ago (and many years after I divorced her daughter) she was suing me for grandparent's visitation rights to attempt to force herself on my son who did not know her and wasn't interested in knowing her. She had somehow found out I had moved to the same city (I didn't realize that I had) and accused me of "keeping him from her". To my son's credit he just showed up at the appointed time and glared at her until she gave up
So yeah, apologies to any Sybils here but it's probably best you continue to use your online handle around me
Yes, I really hesitated and stumbled at the beginning of my latest long term relationship. He has the same first name as my abusive dad, long gone, and wore the same cologne. Made the physical part of our relationship challenging for me. It took quite a while before I was able to reconfigure my brain to separate the name and smell of the past, and the present. (Scent being more of a trigger than the name, but I got over it.)
To this day, I doubt I will ever give a chance to any guy with the same first name as my ex-husband. No way I ever want to say that name again.
@creative51 Yes, it was actually his deoderant that was the same cologne scent my dad wore. (Old Spice) My fella never changed his preferred scent, and I eventually got used to it and within our 8 years together learned to love the scent as associated with him and our good times - same with the smell of Listerine, haha! Guess I'm really scent oriented.
Yes.....I have a PhD in men named Eric, although they were mostly very good experiences.
And yes to your question... I try very hard to be an individualist but when something comes up it's difficult not to think of the past. Fortunately there are only 2 names that really tweak me, on the other hand one seems to have a regional popularity in my area.
ETA: coincidentally, one of the worst people I've ever encountered in my entire life shares my first name ?