I am that friend. I am kinda busy, but also with jus, like, boring or stressful stuff that I don't want to bother other people with. I am also an introvert,who doesn't need to be in constant contact with people. In fact it kinda drains me. Many people have been unhappy with my lack of contact or willingness to chat. I'm not chatty. But it doesn't mean that I forget about or don't value my friends. Perhaps your friend is similar.

If they are an introvert they are probably not going to reach out too often. It's not in their nature. It doesn't make them a bad person. You just have to decide whether you are ok with that type of relationship. If they don't feel like it's a problem but you do then it obviously is a problem.

Let me speak up on behalf of the offensive friends.

I am extremely introverted (Myers Briggs INFJ personality type) and most often my friends initiate contact to get together. But I am always happy to see them and never turn down an opportunity to get together. In my 30s, I had a friend who kept guilt-jerking me about not initiating contact with her. She took my lesser need for human interaction personally and ultimately I had to end the friendship because she could not accept me the way I am. Plus, having grown up fundamental Baptist, I got to where nothing pissed me off more than someone trying to guilt-jerk me.

A while ago I ran across my Kindergarten report card and at the end of the year, my teacher wrote: “Julia prefers to work alone rather than in a group. She is willing to take part in any activity, but does not take the initiative. She is well-liked by her classmates and often helps them out of a difficulty….”

I have been a psychotherapist (Jungian) for almost 50 years now and maintain rewarding and deep friendships but primarily with other introverts who get me and I them. Guilt-free friendship is a beautiful thing!

Some people are not good at reaching out. I'm that way. I very seldom make the first move, reaching out socially. Maybe out of fear of rejection - thinking maybe they have something better to do than spend time with me. It's just an oddity in my personality. I tell friends up front, that I likely won't be the one to reach out, so they understand it falls on them, just how it is with me.

Maybe 10 times in the last 10 years have I initiated contact to get together with a friend. When others contact me, I reply right away and am happy to do something with them, when it works out for me.

Cut 'em loose. Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay there.
It's okay to excise people who make us feel "less than". No one is allowed to
do that, unless we let them.
I finally learned the lesson, and now I don't let them.

I have had friends like this, too. They apologized but everything still stayed the same. I got the impression they didn't want to be bothered so, role reversal, and we are no longer friends. I now seldom initiate contact with others. I enjoy getting a call now and then and enjoy our conversations but I don't initiate too many calls anymore. Don't want to be a bother to them and I'm happy with my own company and doing things by myself.

It's completely up to you whether or not to continue the friendship under those circumstances. I had a best friend, a woman I valued immensely, who literally NEVER initiated contact, but was always there for me when I did the initiating. She hosted me for lunch almost weekly, responded to every message I ever sent, etc. I had a 50th birthday party that she RSVP'd for, but didn't show up. That was hard. When she died of cancer, I realized at her memorial service that she had a great many other friends who valued her as much as I did. I think she was too busy responding to her many friends to initiate very often with any of us. It was just the way she rolled. But she was a great friend, in spite of it.

I am one of those flakes. I am self centered and self occupied. I mostly interact with those i see most often for work. And with those people who share my current interests. As work and interests change, so do those I share time with.

Consequently I have fewer and fewer friends. Partly do to my behavior, partly my age, and partly because many having died during the past 12 years.

Obviously I am aware of my behavior. I know there are people who want to spend more time with me. I don't have that time.

So, not being glib, enjoy the conversations you do have. And, find new "friends."

I can just ask you don't take it personal. I AM COMPLETELY that way with my friends. Even the closest... family. I don't reach out to anyone but I always respond in the polite way when they do. I don't initiate ( not talking sex I will initiate that) because I guess my job is soliciting volunteers and donations etc for a nonprofit so I don't want to call anyone else after that.

Get some new friends

Everyone is different..

I am a socially awkward introvert. Id like to initiate first contact. What if theyre busy or dont feel like being bothered or sleeping? What if they dont want to "chat"? Texting is hard. My eyes are bad & my hands get stiff. I dont drive so if anyone wants to do anything, they have to come & get me. All Im saying is don`t give up on your friend. If you enjoy them, continue to reach out.

That phone thing works both ways. Clearly your friendship isn't important or they would make the time and effort. Let that person go.

That phone thing works both ways. Clearly your friendship isn't important or they would make the time and effort. Let that person go.

I've had friends like that. It ended up being too much work for me and I stopped reaching out to them. Of course they never tried talking to me so we haven't spoken since. I don't want to put all the effort in.

I had the same problem . I just stopped initiating first contact

some people are just no good at some aspects of life. if its working and everything else is fine why not just accept they mean no harm and its just them however if its a problem for you then either you find a way to make it work for you or decide if it is worth the hassle.

A portion of Sunhat Pat's comment really touched me. 'It was the way she rolled'.

To love others and include them in our lives and consciousness doesn't impose a requirement to make them a central or even secondary focus of our attention; unless, of course, we share a primary, intimate bond.

Something key to this idea is the notion that other people with whom we share admiration and interest owe homage; that if we don't rate that level of importance to them something is amiss.

Every person chooses how to invest this precious thing called time for themselves. It is the stuff of which life is made. What do we do in life that DOESN'T require time? Who can judge for another where that other should best or properly focus attention?

Those are people that I remove from my buddy-list, mailing list, and cell-phone. I don't believe in one-way relationships and while it hurts the ego that this person thinks so little of us - it's best to move on.

ask this person outright if s/he considers you a friend. tell him/her it's okay if not, but to SAY so, because you don't want to keep feeling as you are the only one who gets in the mood to communicate.

g

Yes, I have a friend like that. I stopped reaching out as a test and she has not made any effort to talk. It's pretty disheartening.

I am chronically introverted and have a touch of social anxiety. I can tell you those of our "ilk" are deathly afraid of "coming on too strong", "over staying our welcome", or generally being "boorish". This probably comes from a lack of any ability to tell when we are doing those things. If you could come up with a social "too much info" meter, I think that might be a big help.

This can translate into a lack of ability to make first contact even with old friends. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to tell you and I don't know if that is the case here.

Some people like to respect others space and/or are super introverted so they don't take any initiative. It's the way it goes. Hey, at least they write you back, it's when they don't write back that I get annoyed.

Likely not intentional, they may be a bit introverted or have a small bit of social anxiety. I read a very good book titled 'Introverts in Love' by Sophia Dembling. It gave some very good insight into some peoples communication skills.

I have that problem sometimes, but on the other end... I am socially awkward and don't reach out to anyone... Obviously I don't have many friends... Maybe there is something else you are not seeing?