Almost 20 years ago as a teenager, I left home, left all my friends from school (what few there were), pretty much left behind anything that I had grown up with. This was before social media, so I lost contact with anyone I knew that wasn't family. I came back just a year ago, but new me tends very much to keep to himself, so other than one old friend, I never even attempted to look anyone up.
Today at work, I ran into to a girl (woman) with whom I'd gone to school (elementary through high school). I saw her and it took a few seconds to recognize her. I wasn't sure if I would speak to her, but decided that I would.
While I was actually happy to see her, I also can't begin to express how surprisingly nerve-wracking it was. I definitely can't remember ever feeling that utterly inadequate. Here she was looking beautiful, distinguished, put together, real estate career with her Air Force officer husband; meanwhile, I'm back home -not by choice mind you- working part time retail...
Now, I know full well that what you see oftentimes is only surface level and calm waters can hide tumultuous undercurrents. I also rarely feel the need to measure myself against someone else's success. But I have to admit that this feeling has gotten under my skin. It's been bothering me all day and I can't seem to shake it. I've never been to a school reunion, and given the circumstances of how I left, I'll never have occasion to go to one, but I imagine that this is how many people feel when they go to class reunions. I'll pass on this one, thanks.
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5 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.My high school years weren't all that memorable and I've never been to any reunions. Have reconnected with a few people but not in any significant way. My life really didn't start until after I got out of school; every now and then I'll hear about people who feel their high school years were the height of their life, and I kind of feel sorry for them.
bleurowz
Level 8
Sep 14, 2018
1
Height of life? I couldn't even imagine. All of my childhood and even into my early twenties, I was an unformed lump of stupid. I knew nothing of the world, my thoughts had range of five feet in any direction, I had no real ability to empathize with others... I can't even find words to describe it other than to say that I was just an empty vessel with a hike in the bottom.
I think that anyone who looks back at high school as the height of their life stopped growing at a very young age, and knowing that I didn't even really START growing until done years after that, it just makes me shudder.
I went to my tenth abd 20th reunion and was married with kids but didnt teally feel inclined to go to more, because my path was so different. At my 10th ebefyone had young kids and some were pregnant. My 20th I was pregnant and again on a different path.
We each have our own life and different events that move us. And each new moment we can create something new. The past is the past and has nothing to do with our next step unless we get stuck in regrets instead of move toward what we want now. There is love here for you and great to share. I habe found tjis a safe and friendly place to share.
gigihein
Level 8
Sep 14, 2018
1
Thank you for the kind words. I do feel safe here for the most part which is why I felt comfortable sharing. It helped to get the feelings out, and maybe someone will find a bit of catharsis if the read this later on down the road and have felt some something similar.
@ghettophilosopher i think most have at some points in their life
I was a social "Loner" in High School, no girlfriend in 11th or 12th grade,so no senior prom,(did I miss much?),after graduation with the (then) draft getting close,I did odd jobs but enlisted in the Air Force,eventually for 8 years time,have never been back for any reunions,while my class mates were marrying,having kids and then divorcing,I was in the heat and humidity of Thailand working on the aircraft.
Mike1947
Level 7
Sep 14, 2018
1
Yeah, my situation was somewhat similar, except it was the stale-aired, gentle (or not so gentle) swaying of a submarine. Think I'd have rather went to Thailand.
I also wanted to skip my high school reunion from Union School, a school for diplomat children in Port-au-Prince, Hiati, even though I attended that school for one year.
My high school career was only for three years since I was so advanced; freshman year in the tiny mission school at Cap Haitian, Haiti, one year in the US near Lexington, KY, and one at Union School.
But I couldn't have attended the Union School reunion anyway, since I'm still living in Thailand, recovering from intestinal cancer using cannabis oil, and I'm no longer the devout MK (missionary kid) everyone knew in school.
My childhood MK school friends are now mostly proud white supremacist Trumpites, and I don't even WANT to see them, since I defriended most of them for posting racist, homophobic hate memes on Facebook.
birdingnut
Level 8
Sep 14, 2018
1
Yeah, finding out who the people you are/were close with really are tends to be rather depressing.
Have absolutely know interest in reunions, or any kind of interaction with those in my school days past. Believe me they are all basically the same. The whiners are still whining. The bullies still too aggressive. The fashionistas still with too much plastic surgery or makeup. It tends to be all about their spawn or their gods. Then there is who is dead & who lives where. Sorry. I'll stay home. & home is where I live.
Mooolah
Level 8
Sep 14, 2018
2
I can understand the sentiment completely.
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