Should one bring/send flowers on a first date? Not a coffee. A real date. Dinner and a show, or lunch and a ballgame.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.No chocolate. Why? Because it's probably milk chocolate and a lot of people don't eat dairy products for ethical or health reasons. Chocolates also generally have refined sugar which should be avoided. Bring me avocados....
Flowers are great if you are meeting her at her house so she can put them in water, not so much if she has to carry them around and watch them wilt all evening before finally getting thrown in the trash once she gets home. I'd be more impressed with a rose bush in a pot...ready to be planted. But, then, I have a big yard. LOL Daffodil bulbs to plant would be cool too -- Or a succulent in a pot...or herb....something that lasts!
A copy of a book you recommend is also a great idea....especially if you love to read. The other's person reaction to getting a book will tell you a lot about them.
Some of us will "squee" with delight! A book! Can I skip the date to read??!!! LOL
Other people will wrinkle their nose up in disgust or bafflement.....a book? what do I do with that?
You want to avoid those people.
Best possible? Bring me a rock....a polished Tiger's Eye or Snowflake Obsidian.....something that means something to you -- for example a piece of Amethyst geode because you are born in February would be awesome...and tell me the lore about the rock....the history.....why you like it....where it can be found in the world....etc.
Damn. I should probably date a geologist.
BTW, I usually cook on the first date...eating at home and having a real conversation is preferable to going out. And, yes, I usually give a book. If I have gotten to the "date" level of friendship, they are getting a book.
SkotlandSkye
Level 8
Sep 17, 2018
1
I would not invite a stranger to my home until we had met, arriving separately, at least 3 times in public.....Ted Bundy, a tall, handsome attorney, was a real charmer, ya know?
@AnneWimsey Well, I'm not dead yet and I have a lot of guns....so....
But, seriously, people have Facebook and other social media. You can check everyone out before the date --- who the hell even agrees to go out with a stranger?? I have always gotten to know someone personally before accepting a date. Also, with text messaging and email today, there is a long trail of electronic records before going on a date. If I don't trust someone, why would I go out with them? It sounds like you are used to moving to the dating stage WAY TOO FAST! You might want to slow that down....
@SkotlandSkye ummm, I require at least several conversations within the confines of the dating app, then coffee in a public place, and Never give my home phone (use a cheap cell burner) or address out until I actually feel I know the person. I worked as one of a dozen women in a shipyard of 20,000 men for 13 years, consider myself a student of men!
And, I repeat, Ted Bundy was a practicing, respected lawyer...tall, good-looking, gift of gab, you could have social-media checked him all day and still find him applying makeup to your moldering corpse after a "visit".......
@AnneWimsey Ted Bundy existed prior to cell phones and Facebook -- so, not a good or relevant example. Your theory works well if the people live close by or in the same city. My last four dates from this site have all come in from miles--whole states-- away. All four of them stayed at my BnB while in town -- so obviously they have my name and business location! LOL Do you only date people from your location? That seems very limiting. I can't imagine that anyone I would be interested in is within 50 miles of me.
@SkotlandSkye it is a fine example for the ages...if you had FB checked him, if FB existed, or any other way, you would have found a well-respected practicing attorney, etc etc.....
Running a business puts you out in public, of course...i am myself as president of an over-55 Singles Club that is constantly recruiting. But caution, to the extent you can, is never inappropriate. Being stalked is no fun, even less being murdered! I do not just date from my location, have RV, can & will travel!
@AnneWimsey well, some of us work and have businesses to run so we aren't free to run around in an RV. Again, in this day and age, there is an electronic footprint that exists and that DIDN'T exist when Bundy was around. Again, you don't know WHAT Bundy would have put on Facebook so any claim you make in that regard is nothing but hypotheticals...but you sure would not have been going out with a stranger. Or, conversely, if he DID hide his Facebook and not post personal things...that would all have been red flags NOT to go out with him. You can hold the belief that the world is the same now as it was then...but, hell, the world wasn't even the same a year ago.
@SkotlandSkye I am 70, thus retired, thus "time to run around in my RV,"...is that okay with you?
The way we communicate has changed, but I assure you, people have not. But because of much higher population numbers, the amount of weirdos (pretty fixed % of population) has increased. Thus it is pretty foolish to act as if it were 1975.....
And I do not try to guess what Bundy would put on FB, I am saying a general search for him would have been quite reassuring ..........are you willfully misunderstanding, or ?
@AnneWimsey No, not willfully misunderstanding. Just reaching the conclusion that no matter what I write on this site, you will argue with me. This is like the 10th time. I think it's best if you and I part ways at this point. Please don't respond to anything further of mine and I'll give you the same wide berth.
@SkotlandSkye if you cannot or will not answer a direct question(s) with a direct answer, I will pursue you until you do, or cop out......
@AnneWimsey well, no. Because now I'm blocking you. I have no further desire to be followed around this site by you just so you can pick fights.
I think it's sweet, and it keeps you on her mind with a smile when she sees the flowers in her home for the rest of the week. If you have the idea to do it, then do. Even a $5 bouquet from Safeway adds a splash of color. If she's allergic, perhaps she can keep them out on her patio.
Julie808
Level 8
Sep 17, 2018
4
Well, I wouldn't be displeased, but you do risk that the lady is allergic to flowers. Then there is the issue of where to put the flowers if you do something else after dinner.
HippieChick58
Level 9
Sep 16, 2018
2
I’ve only had that happen once in my life. It was so surprising and amazing! I loved it....doesn’t have to be an expensive bouquet. He brought pretty wildflowers. Still makes me smile even though we didn’t work out
Marcie1974
Level 8
Sep 16, 2018
4
Lunch and a ball game, the beers would be my flowers! Anyway a ball game would be fun, you can actually talk with one another in a relaxed atmosphere, low key and laid back
MichelleGar1
Level 9
Sep 16, 2018
2
Someone brought me a bunch of ripe wheat once...it was beautiful and I was impressed!
LucyLoohoo
Level 9
Sep 16, 2018
3
It’s a very sweet gesture but at the same time it would be hard for me too to carry them around the entire time. Instead you can send them to her workplace with a hand-written note (seriously, skip the ready written fake notes) and it’ll mean a lot.
Guys have no idea how small but thoughtful things mean a lot to us.
AuroraBorealis
Level 5
Sep 18, 2018
3
I don't want to receive anything on a first date . If we don't know ea other enough , giving me anything will make me uncomftable and what's the point ?
Also for me , a coffee time is a real date . A show , a movie , a game will never do for me . Not as first date at least , maybe two months later . I want to hear u talk , not the actors / athletes / whatever .
Pralina1
Level 9
Sep 17, 2018
1
It really depends on what kind of people you two are and where you are going on the date.
- If you like bringing flowers on the first date; if that's your thing, then go ahead. But be considerate of your date and the place of the date.
- Your date might not like the flowers (could be allergic or have a specific flower he/she likes); do research before buying your date flowers.
- Don't bring flowers to a date where you or your date can't set the flowers aside; you don't want someone holding a bouquet of flowers the entire time, do you?
joeymf86
Level 8
Sep 17, 2018
3
I would say that's your call but it would be better than a set of wiper blades
oldFloyd
Level 8
Sep 17, 2018
2
@Omen6Actual I use Rain-X
A resounding no! I think you shouldn't act overly chivalrous on the first date. Women say they like it and that it's "sweet", but they secretly hate it (trust me on this), and later use your sweet behavior as a weapon against you ("but you weren't always like that" ). A reasonable combination of courtesy and genuineness should work out fine for you. Just be yourself and don't be afraid to show the masculine side of you.
Darius77
Level 6
Sep 17, 2018
1
Wrong. I think a gentleman should be a gentleman and not show up empty handed.
@SkotlandSkye
Yeah? And what should "ladies" bring to the table? I should not show up empty-handed just because the other person has a vagina between her legs? I thought we were all equal.
@Darius77 I generally give books on the first date....but I also prefer to COOK and stay home to have a conversation. Therefore, I am providing food and professional skill. Thanks for showing you are a TYPICAL man who goes straight to sex. You do know that women have brains too, right? And, seriously dude, do something about that chip on your shoulder. It makes you look ugly.
@SkotlandSkye
Thank YOU for playing the victim card. I have NO problem giving my date a gift as long as I know there is reciprocity. But if someone EXPECTS me to automatically bring something to the table just because she happens to be the one with the vagina, then I have a huge problem. This is the exact opposite of going straight to sex! It shows I'm not willing to get laid through any means.
@SkotlandSkye
And just because I express opinions that you don't approve of doesn't mean I have any chip on my shoulder. I get along fantastically with women. I'm just not willing to bend over backwards to please them. That's against my dignity. You are free to interpret it however you wish to.
@Darius77 hahahahahaha YOU were the one "playing victim"
Oh, poor me...it's good manners to bring a gift and I don't want to because why should I just because she's a women....men are sooooooooooo taken advantage of......
ugh. Men like you are gross. I'll be blocking you now for being an asshat.
@SkotlandSkye
Class act by deleting all your comments!!
I personally feel it's a little over-the-top. Also, they are a little inconvenient to deal with during the date. I would save that sort of thing for after it has progressed to the next stage and you have become an item. But that's just me.
Piratefish
Level 7
Sep 17, 2018
2
I had my first date in a really long time a few weeks ago. He brought me flowers, which was sweet, but awkward because I had to carry them around since we met at the restaurant. I echo no if you aren't meeting at one's house before the date.
Jennintheboro
Level 4
Sep 16, 2018
2
This seems to me a bit old fashioned however, given the age of your date this may be appropriate. I do think that if you get on well and decide to continue to date each other that you could do this on the 3rd or 4th date to show that you are really into them.
Ubergooroo
Level 5
Sep 16, 2018
3
In my mind, I would love getting flowers on a first date, after the date had happened, and only if in picking the flowers they showed that they paid attention to my story about my favorite flower - the Zinnia. I'm picky, but I've also never had a woman try to buy me flowers, so your mileage may vary.
PolyWolf
Level 7
Sep 17, 2018
2
LOL "not coffee. A real date" Real date? heh
demifeministgal
Level 8
Sep 17, 2018
2
Right? There are no real dates only coffee and Netflix and chill.
If the need to bring something on a real first date is strong than flowers would do.
But I feel on a very first date it's too much pressure.
I have been known to ask, when my date wants to pay for EVERYthing and not take my half of the cost, "Will you be expecting sex at the end of this date?".
I am up front and not afraid to set my boundaries.
silverotter11
Level 9
Sep 17, 2018
2
I would never "expect sex". Would rejoice at sex, but I have no expectations for any date.
I don’t by flowers for anyone anymore, twice in my life I had woman break up with me the day I a got them flowers... I’ll by you dinner, I’ll cook, pay for drinks, hell, I even braught a girl a ukulele, if we are together what’s mine is yours but if you want flowers you will have to buy them yourself.
ArdentAtheist
Level 8
Sep 17, 2018
2
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