I have had much the same disposition as the original post, yet I see the wisdom in the rebuttals here. I agree, it also depends on how you define love itself. I see love as infinite, because it is coming from that right place and letting it reflect on whatever circumstance you find yourself in -so, infinite possible ways to communicate love. That right place is a tender heart that seeks the well-being of others, it is the desire to meet unmet needs in the other, to hold space, practice nurturance like bringing medicine and hot tea, physical and verbal affection, gifts, seeking compassion, quality time etc. It was my disposition that love is anchored in the other, but I respect the assertion that we must be in a healthy place before we may have a healthy relationship. It is just my experience, that I was very insecure in my authenticity yet I sought the well-being of the other. I recognize that if one is in the state of self-loathing toxicity may foment in a relationship. Often you will find this in women I believe, not that I am implying they are more self-aware... just seems that women are more focused on social things and so their identity is saliently grave. Pair that with the manipulative, abusive, controlling and possessive male you'll find around on occasion and you're spelling disaster. I think it is important how you define love because I can see it as a mental illness under the right light. However, there is an argument to be had that that is not actually love in the first place. In other words, what is putatively held as love's meaning is closer to something like attachment needs. I find that through metacognition, even while there are tension and a desire for a companion, you may actually logically choose where your attachment needs are placed or withheld. Which is a very useful ability as first impressions are 100% of the time false, and with familiarity your disillusionment is certain. A relationship seriously needs to develop and mature before you truly understand who you're dealing with, instead of pursuing a relationship with a delusion. Forthcoming honesty facilitates this, as certainly if you are not honest, you are effectively alone.

I see this as a bit of a "chicken and egg" issue, loving myself (my "authentic self" as noted in a comment below) helps me to love others. Being connected to others in healthy relationship helps me to love myself. It is hard to enter into that positive cycle.

I believe in the notion. I've seen it transform people, including myself. I have family who are still stuck in vicious patterns of choosing unhealthy relationships, and on and on because they are self-loathing, have shame, have self-blame, etc. Loving oneself, to me, includes a big dose of forgiving oneself, learning to like oneself, being and doing things that makes one like oneself, learning to be kind to oneself, and on and on. In a nutshell, I believe that people will have more success and happiness in relationships, life, work, with healing, growth, and loving, liking, respecting, and trusting oneself.

Some people have no sense of self worth. they look for love in the wrong people, and they mistake obsession and possession for love. Some people have never experience love due to growing up in an abusive home, and when someone pays a small amount of attention to them, they believe it is love. To love yourself first means that you value and respect yourself, that you have a lot to offer someone, and that someone's life will be enriched by having you in his or her life. That person will appreciate and demonstrate that same level of love to you. If one does not think much of himself or herself, than no one else will think much of them.

In my enthusiasm I commented before reading the other comments...Damn, I probably wouldn't of had to comment had I read them. The people on this site never cease to amaze me with their wisdom and critical thinking. I swear, I've never seen a site like this before.

Wow brother... that's some good stuff there.

1. You ever heard the old saying that it takes time to heal?
2. Give yourself a year or so before you make a commentment to another.
3. Be careful that your not in a rebound relationship.
   Ok... loving yourself before you form a love relationship to become married is assuring that your capable of giving genuine love. Not carrying over baggage from your last relationship.
   NOTE: [YOU COULD BE RIGHT] but i had to [DETOX] from my last marriage so I would be of sound mind when i met my wife. Just my 2 cents.

I didn't think I would like this at first. But that is a really good perspective.

Unfortunately what is more common is the love of someone who has no love for themselves is tainted by their own self-hatred. It isn't deliberate, they treat you as they would treat themselves and the closer you get the more vicious it gets. This isn't pop psychology this is lived experience, I know someone who I have no doubt would take a bullet for me, my son or my grandson, I equally know they are the ones most likely to be holding the gun.
Self-loathing has a horrible way of twisting everything in your life, you think you don't deserve anything good so you set about destroying it. You may not even realize you are doing it but you need to be at peace with yourself before you can love anyone else, otherwise it is just obsession and attachment.

Ok. What if I change it to this, "Don't go into a relationship being an unhappy person, with the expectation that now that you have a soul mate they will make you happy.". They probably will for awhile, but it won't last. Often that is when problems start between people. Or don't go into a relationship feeling broken or not "whole", with the expectation that person will fix you or "complete you". On the other side of that, don't find a broken person with the expectation that you are going to fix them. As a therapist, the above mentioned situations do keep me in business, but I could find another line of work.

I think this old saying had noble intentions but had its limitations as you've noticed. Possibly, the meaning of this phrase was that we have to know when to get out of a bad relationship when it is causing us harm - no matter how much we love the significant other.

I have a brilliant friend who has sent me a link to a book about neoliberalism which describes the effects of a perfectionistic, corporate society that has trickled down to our personal lives causing unrealistic expectations. Low self-esteem, anorexia, obsessions with plastic surgery, depression are possible by-products.

I loved a girl who broke my heart, viciously. I tried to move on but found my self detached emotionally. I stopped dating for a long time because I couldn't love anyone that way again. I hated who I was when that relationship ended. I started learning the things that make me who I am are things I should love about myself. I'm able to trust my self to love again because I learned to love who I am.

Its easier to love somone else then it is to love yourself, because it’s easy to imagine that the person you love is not broken like you (if you don’t love yourself). I agree that you need to be shown that others care about you in order for you to know how to care about others, the previous statement was to avoid the origin of love scramble. If you can love yourself, who you know better than anyone else ever will, then you are capable of loving somone else despite their downfalls, because you can relate. It’s not impossible to love someone if you don’t love yourself, but it does make it very difficult because you may start seeing the things you hate about yourself in others.

hmm, i came here to disagree with the snippet i read, bc ppl who cut themselves, but you fixed it better than i could lol