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When your significant other goes to strip clubs regularly because of "friends" is that a red flag?

UrsiMajor 8 Feb 2
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40 comments

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1

Maybe he needs new friends...

12

Well if you know anything about these clubs and i do. I did an anthropological study on the Combat Zone in Boston, MA back in college. Girls have a quota of drinks, private dances and private parties they must fulfill. Hard to be an innocent. Easy for a significant other to be interested in a dancer. That is their job. Red flag.

You are exactly right. I went through this with a friend once and I’m never going back. Those places do nothing but rip people off.

Exactly Steve a girl I knew named Tanya was doing exactly the same thing.

10

Honestly, I think the fact he "goes to strip clubs regularly" is the problem. Shouldn't matter what the reason is...damn poor way to spend money that is also yours.

9

A "bright red flag with flashing neon lights".

Betty Level 8 Feb 2, 2018
8

If any one frequents these establishments on a regular basis I would call this immature behavior

6

Sorry - but if it isn't him doing the stripping then I would run a mile 😉 But seriously, in my first relationship my gf often suggested we go to strip joints because she wanted to see what they were about - I declined as I've never fancied it. If I was in a relationship and some "friends" suggested going then I would decline because I think it sends a very bad message to your significant other ... nobody has to go to a strip joint to socialise. If they really are good friends then they could meet at a bar and then everyone is happy.

6

Yes, and how long has he been waving it around?

5

I think it depends on what kind of relationship you're looking for.

I'm conflicted on strip clubs as a whole.

On one hand, I disapprove of strip clubs, as they encourage the objectification of women.

On the other, I believe what a woman does with her body is entirely her choice, and we tend to be sexually repressed as a society.

I have absolutely no desire to ever visit a strip club, so it's probably not fair of me to assume, but I will anyway. A frequent patron of a strip club is not likely to possess the maturity and values that are important for long term relationships.

It's difficult to imagine growing old with someone who would rather spend their time and money objectifying young women than creating lasting memories with you.

Rossi Level 4 Feb 2, 2018
5

HUGE!!!! Hope whoever needs to is paying attention.

4

My former step-daughter worked as an EMS in Wichita, KS. Occasionally she would work the ER. One night a stripper came in complaining of pelvic pain. They put her in one of the rooms and had her undress. When they went into the room they just about threw up because of the smell. Come to find out she had (if I remember correctly) four different STD's.

So, if I were you, I would be tested just to make sure he hasn't brought anything home. Yes, I know he says he's just looking (I would be asking if his "friends" are the strippers), but better safe than sorry.

It's been 5 months since I moved out. But yeah, I need to do that.

@UrsiMajor if you moved out... good for you. Coming from a man that did 20 years in the Navy... you are in Annapolis after all. Never interested me. As a man I wanted the hunt so I went to clubs. Never understood the rationale of strip clubs. And living in Crete while stationed there had stripper friends from Australia that performed on disco clubs but never liked to work on strip joints for what they told me. They kind of came to the island, for vacation more than work. Those 3 girls once they became my friends the profession was no longer of interest to me. But simply my brain is not wired to receive reward in a strip joint. And when not in Severn as of now... I am in Vegas and not attracted at all. Just not for me. Never had. Now dancing... is another matter. Good Luck... choose wisely your next SO.

3

Not sure what you mean by friends. His guy friends who want to watch women strip, or he has friends who are stripping? Regardless if you are not ok with it then he should honor that and not go. If he disregards that the, yes, big red flag

Guys friends. Our relationship didn't work out...Just want to see the red flags a little sooner if there is a next time...

3
2

Well looking at your photo he must be barking mad ! He should appreciate what he has got and stop looking at what he cannot have ! He should stay at home and enjoy the view available at his own club.......

Hey, thanks for the confidence boost. I am actually probably saying way too much. More than I thought I would on the forum. I actually have more to say and should probably modify the profile accordingly.

2

Depends on your relationship. there is nothing wrong with looking but there is something wrong with why you might be looking.

2

I think that is a decision you make on what you are comfortable with. For me, I don't want a man who hangs out in strip joints. I will strip for him. I think it is purely a personal choice. I have known many couples with so called open marriages. Eventually, it does not fly. Then comes the divorce. If I got married or in a committed relationship, I would want that significant other to be with me.

2

YES! My ex would go with his brother in law, who was divorced. I decided to go a few times, and it is really expensive, you have a cover, you have to drink, you have to buy the girls drinks which are expensive, and you have to tip them and pay for any dances they do for you. And to the dancers, it's all money leaving your pocket, even if they don't get the dances, it isn't cheap!

2

My ex never went to strip clubs. But, men go to strip clubs and prostitutes mostly for oral sex.

1

If your significant other is going to strip clubs regularly because of ""friends"", that can be a red flag. It's important to communicate with them and express how you feel about the situation. Maybe they don't realize that it's bothering you, or perhaps they think it's harmless fun. However, if they continue to go even after you express your discomfort, then that's definitely a red flag. Trust is a big part of any relationship, and if they're not respecting your feelings, it's not a good sign. If you're in the Charleston area and looking for some fun, check out Male Strippers Charleston! They put on a great show and are sure to entertain. But remember, communication is key in any relationship.

1

I don’t see a problem with going to strip clubs. After all it’s good entertainment and I’m sure you won’t go to hell for it!

1

Go with him and find out for yourself.

1

huge read flag waving madly. I consider it the other way around, as a guy, and if I had a lady who was often going to view male strippers, well ................

1

We all go through phases in our lives we find strange in hindsight. I won't pass judgement. What I think may need some work may be your relationship. You should be able to talk about this. There are no taboos that are worth having. If the person ticks all the boxes you like and value it's worth talking about it openly. If not, why are you together?

1

Go with him. You will know soon enough if it's red flag. Red flag if he says no. Red flag if he is embarrassed with you there. Red flag if he is overly familiar with the dancers unless you meet them and like them.

Theo Level 2 Feb 3, 2018
1

I really don't like the relationship between men and women at strip clubs or any kind of 'sex' workers. Don't think it should be illegal but how does taking part in that not fuck with your perspective of the opposite sex? Speaking heterosexually here. If you want a healthy relationship, including sexual, dump his ass. Some interesting comments in a similar post of mine: 'The Male Gaze' .

1

As a guy, I can answer probably yes. If he has a significant other at home, his behind needs to be home. His friends can go by themselves and do whatever and jeopardize their own relationship. He may not be doing anything yet, but he will eventually, because something is not right in his mind when it comes to his home relationship.

1

You should of gone with him... ? Could go either way, was he just hanging out? or was he getting really involved?

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