When Bill Paxton died it was reported that he died during bypass surgery (it was later reported he died from complications after a heart valve and aorta surgery). I was at my cardiologist for my regular follow-up appointment and we talked about his death. I mentioned that I was aware that I could have died during my bypass but was okay with the less than one percent mortality rate. He replied the mortality rate was great unless you were one of those less than one percent that died.

He had a point.

Try to write with more internally linked sentences and shorter paragraphs. As an old man with vision problems, just seeing a paragraph a whole page long discourages me from trying to wade through it. If you want more people to follow your posts, I encourage you to heed my suggestion.

I would not presume to tell you how to deal with this...Only to let you know the sympathy I feel for you. What a hard journey that was.

So I ask you...do you know what caused this? Are there steps you can take, that you are taking, to counteract it? I'm sure you are doing this.

Best wishes to you and your family.

I cannot speak from any experience anywhere near that. I, however, am appreciative every...single...day for having good health and the ability to enjoy life to the absolute extent I desire. I'm thankful for my daughter, my dogs, my family, my friends, for all of you here on this site from whom I can and have learned a great deal. And remember this, my friend, you have just as much right to live however you choose as anyone else on the planet. So, take care of yourself and relish in who you are and what you have.

Hmmm... I guess being put on a diet of pills and food and rest can take a toll on someone. Why you got lucky is the same near miss others get lucky.... i should of died 6 or 7 times. I got lucky. I had cancer and had it removed in time... I got lucky.... I met my wife.... I got lucky... yep.. I'm lucky

Sounds a lot like survivors guilt to me.
I survived cancer but there were others there that didn't. My boyfriend's mother was diagnosed with colon cancer a year before mine. I had a very curable form caught early so I came through easily and she died not long after my treatment in part because her medicaid kept refusing to pay her treatment and she stopped going because her kids were putting the treatments on credit cards.

I felt some guilt because I had insurance and received top notch care

All you can do is make the best of this second chance you have in whatever way you can.