I am coming out to my boyfriend tomorrow! Any advice?
We have been dating for a year and I was religious going into this relationship. I think it’s only fair to him to at least be honest because that’s what I admire about our relationship. He isn’t extremely religious but he is a Jehovah’s Witness and so is the rest of his family. We never really discussed religion even when I was religious; we respect each other’s beliefs and this makes me think nothing will change between us after. However, I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Anyone have advice?
at first i thought you meant you we're going to tell him you're a lesbian....
Haha I probably should’ve specified ?
@chlorine413 I thought so too. Maybe it would have been easier to tell them that first and when they are all in shock you could slip in the atheism part. Then you could say the lesbian part wasn't true but the other part was. A little reverse psychology. Worth trying. Lol.
@jsbach maybe ?
My atheist daughter had the most in common with the Jehovah's Witness kid in school, as they were often "left out" of the same events and marked "outcasts" by the teachers. So, you might get some respect for coming to your own conclusions and sticking to them, while respecting those who still have their beliefs. Good luck to you. Whatever you say, make sure it's with kindness. It's wonderful that you have honesty in your relationship.
Thank you
Yes my daughter had loyal JW and Black friends due to her famous Atheist MR Mom dad 32 years ago...white xian girls would wave their baptism certificate at Courtney many cruel kids called her devil worshipper. ..she is happily married and a great job as library scientist now
Always be honest what ever happens. I hope he cares enough to appreciate your honesty and will be strong with you as this is the most important thing in any relationship.
Congrats on taking the courageous step in coming out.
The best thing to lower anxiety would be to admit, "Something has been on my mind. It might be a difficult conversation, and I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I might. Would you be willing to listen?"
With any luck, he will be so glad the topic is not breaking up or having kids that he will be ecstatic at the topic. ^_~
I highly reccomend Dave Barry's The Ultimate Guide to Guys if you need a good laugh.
As someone who has been in a mixed marriage for 10 years, (he's religious, I'm not,) I can speak to having some difficult conversations along the years. And how you get better at it with practice.
You even get some good stories along the way.
Let us know how it works out, if you're comfortable sharing. Cheering for you, C.
Congratulations upon your loving diplomatic mixed marrage. ..hope the young woman learned your skills with a believer in her life
I think the most important part is "just saying it". Of course it's difficult, and you'll have a lump in your throat or something but ultimately the difficulty of saying it will never subside until you do. It's like a Band-Aid. You just gotta rip it off. If you wanna practice try writing out your thoughts with a pen on a piece of paper in cursive. Printing takes too long. Don't focus on writing neatly. Just let your words flow. Then, when you're done, you'll have already said it once. What's more-it was written! You wrote those words. There's a lot of power in writing. Sure, it's not etched in stone but you still inked those words into paper. And now that you've declared it once you can do it again. Or you can mail the declaration to your boyfriend's work. If he can't read it, he'll come home and ask about it and now you have a scenario where it's just the two of you talking. Or he'll read it and hell ingest it.
If you're worried about how he'll perceive you, all I can say is this-if he truly matters, if he truly values you as a person and not for whatever deity you may subscribe to, it won't matter that you don't believe or are questioning. He'll still love you for you. If he doesn't, well then you know he wasn't the one, and even better, you got out of the relationship sooner rather than later
The advice that I've heard about this...
I hope any of that helps. Good luck and remember you have a community.
That does thank you!
Whatever the outcome darlin, all my love and best of luck.
Thank you
Good luck, but from what you've shared it could go either way. I'm glad you have the courage to level with him and be true to your principles. If he can't respect that and your newly-revealed difference, then you'll have your answer about whether to stay with him. I've never been in a position like yours, so I have no ideas for what to say.
Just be honest and tell him. Just don't say it in an adversarial way! Don't try to explain or justify yourself just let him know that that is how you feel. When people question me I just tell them that I am not superstitious. And that the whole foundation of God originated and very primitive societies to explain something that they could not understand.
Be Honest, explain to him in a very reasonable and logical approach.
Take it slowly and don't surprise him.
Don't be afraid, much like any other life reveal. It is probably not going to be a shock to people that know you. The fact that he was willing to date outside his religion tells you that he is not that into it. The same may not be true for his family, while they may be ok with him dating outside the faith, they may not be ok with marriage to an outsider or cavorting with a godless person.
Tell him that the future is a strange beast as you never quite know whats going to happen but your love for each other is happening right now and that you will look out for him and share a heaven that you both can enjoy here and now. What ever may come you two will have tasted what true love is and leave this existence one day with no regrets.
So how did it work out? Still with him, did you reveal to anyone else?
I told him. He doesn’t agree with me but he can still respect and love me for that. He said that he doesn’t love me for being Christian/ religious but he loves me for me. I think that’s the most important thing you can say to anyone.
I haven’t told anyone else but I do plan on telling my family when I’m more financially stable so that way I have a back up plan in case if I’m kicked out.
Do not risk your safety and love with honesty. ...believers are prone and programmed brainwashed to hate Atheists...you are likely to be blamed for his violence with the fighting words provocative Atheism equal to sleeping with another boy and imposing such a confession upon him unawares...get secular marital counseling to gently negotiate a future mixed marriage or continue the status quo safety
Do we have an update? Hope it went well, if not...hey gurrrrrl, how you doin'?
Sorry I kind of left you guys hanging. I did tell him. Although he said we can agree to disagree because he still believes in some parts of religion. I’m totally okay with that as long as he’s not trying to change me. I guess the most important thing that came out of it is that he said I love you for you not because you’re Christian or religious.
Be honest, maybe perhaps say you've only truly come realise it yourself now. Honesty is always the best policy. Perhaps offer him a complimentary threesome mediate and ease his emotional pain and make it a more even loss. haha god I'm awful. God?
"I could not love thee, dear, so much loved I not reason more. "