@lauraleigh38 I knew you'd get me.

I just read her bio, this female is BRILLIANT!!!!

How was your day?

@Minta79 Thank you!!!!

It was rather low-key, but I did enjoy talking to my sister for the first time in a very long while. I enjoy the fine art of conversation, and had the opportunity to do so with my sister, my (unrequited) paramour-muse, and three friends. It's very quiet in my apartment, and the silence (except for this high-pitch tinnitus that vexes me) gets to me, sometimes.

@Deveno you're quite welcome. A low key day talking with people you love sounds really nice. I completely understand about the silence. There's a nice, comfortable silence when you are absorbed in something, but there's also that edgy, aggressive silence. I don't much care for that kind of silence.

I wouldn't bother sending or responding messages in that style on this site.

@maturin1919 Trek or Wars? I need to know what kind of nerd I'm dealing with.

@maturin1919 that is, of course, the correct answer. I was giving an example of an approved opener

What’s your favourite planet?

The important thing to remember here is that nobody owes us a response, polite or otherwise. Our bios are as myriad and inconsequential on the internet as … as... sperm cells swimming around in a hoo-ha. The odds that we will connect with our "soul mate" or a reasonable facsimile are about as good as winning the lottery. I can see that a lot of men view my profile, even though many leave a nice personal message or greeting, even more of them have to be going "Meh!" and moving on. I won't criticize or insult any man for doing that. I won't be everybody's cuppa tea, and neither will you.

@Deb57 I agree that no one owes me a reply, but it does seem kind of contradictory that communication is touted as so important but doing so in my profile seems to have no impact on those who are promoting it so much. Do you see that contradiction? I also get your last sentence and agree with it. My point is that while people may say communication is big or key to them, it won't by itself earn you any interest or credit with them towards wanting to date you or know you better. That seems to be the logic of it.

@TomMcGiverin Being a woman, myself - last time I checked anyway, I would assume that they are referring to communication while in a relationship. If you have no relationship with the person, why would you have an expectation that they should feel obliged to communicate with you?

@Deb57 Never said they owe me a reply, Deb. I said that in black and white at the beginning of my reply. No need to be sarcastic either. The lack of response just seems to appear to be contradictory to the stated values of women's profiles. Agree or disagree, but don't mix up the two issues. I don't expect them to communicate with me when there's no relationship. There just appears to be a disconnect that you either agree with or don't.

Not interested in arguing with you. I like you and would like to keep it that way.

@TomMcGiverin I was basing my comment upon the level of ire you expressed toward these faceless women by whom you felt slighted via the internet. That tone you project might even have a little something to do with their decision to refrain from communicating with you.

@Deb57 There is no negative tone in my profile or my initial messages I send out to women on Match. I've had several women vet my profile there, but if you want to put all the blame on me, you're free to do that. You don't seem to value my word on anything here. My messages of interest on Match are about two or three sentences long and say something like"I noticed we have X in common" or that " You said Y in your profile and I really liked that". Then the generic please see my profile and message me if interested. Very bland and standard. You're making a lot of assumptions for never having read a word of my Match profile or e-mails on that site.

Done for today Deb. If you want to give me further personal advice, PM me. I won't hold my breath....

@TomMcGiverin You communicated your complaint in a very reasonable way and got accused of having a bad attitude. This is probably why so many people don't bother anymore.

Dude, what you have to understand is that these things ARE true, but they only come into play if a woman is into you. And what makes that happen? Heck, if I knew that, I'd be selling it to guys on the internet.

Put simpler, you have a case of "cart before the horse". You can't reel 'em in if they're not nibbling on the line. No can do. I don't care WHAT they put on their profiles.

The magic words you're listening for are something along the lines of "I'd like to get to know you a little better." Unless they're a scammer, and you'll have to be careful of that, too. Until something like that is expressed, all the eloquence in the world will do you little good, because your message is in the wrong pile.

Look, I'm not claiming you're doing anything "wrong", being polite is ALWAYS a good strategy. But women like to be careful (with good reason!), they might want to Google you, or find out what they can indirectly (the grapevine is real, my friend). Also, with the most attractive girls, for some, it's a chore just cleaning out the 200 messages in their inbox.

The "hit rate" on women messaging men is just below 50%, while for men messaging, it's just below 10%. That is, women have a LOT more messages to wade through than the guys do. You see the problem? Women are also far less likely to "play the field", instead concentrating on the most promising prospect until it's a no-go. And you're going to be in competition with some hunky hunks and other qualities you may not shine past. And that might be unfair, but it's the way it is.

So, while it kind of sucks, you have to play the long game. And the first few innings are...boring.

@brentan Thanks for the validation. I feel like I got flamed unreasonably based on the actual words I wrote. I can see why many people won't bother to make a point criticizing the behavior of a specific group if some members of this site will take it as an attack on their whole gender.

@Deveno I agree with you totally. It's very frustrating to get so little response even if the main reasons are that I am male and average-looking on Match. I know what you say about response rates and such is true because I have traded messages with women who were not interested in me, but were willing to offer advice on my profile and how to play the online dating game. And they confirmed everything you said about how many messages they get compared to average guys, who in most cases never get their messages responded to or ever get a chance to meet the woman. Because meanwhile, while my message sits on the bottom of the pile, the woman is focusing on a few of the best prospects to message and then maybe meet. So the competition is overwhelming and even if you are compatible with someone they will probably never end up connecting with you due to the sheer numbers and going with the looks first or mostly in selecting the first cut of interviewees, so to speak.

@TomMcGiverin You have told the world a lot about yourself here. Deny it if you like and try to gaslight your way out of it, but you did imply in your initial complaint that you felt entitled to a response from any woman who stated that she felt communication was important. You then tried to turn the gaslight up a little more by suggesting that I was the one mixing up meanings. and then finally you announce that I no longer have "permission" to argue my point: "Done for today Deb. If you want to give me further personal advice, PM me. I won't hold my breath...." I doubt if I'd be the only woman reading your comments who might smell a familiar rat.

@Deb57 You really seem to take all this very personally, Deb. You need no permission from me to say anything you like. I thought about blocking you,but I'm done arguing with you. I'll block you later if you take the same attitude towards me when wherever I post a comment on the site again. I'm not on here to have ongoing feuds with members. You might read brentan's comment.

@TomMcGiverin You seem to be projecting your own feelings about this topic onto me. I am not taking anything personally. This thread is not affecting my blood pressure and heart rate in the least. if I were speaking instead of typing, my tone of voice would be as calm as still water. You have expressed frustration at not being able to control the responses of women you address on dating sites. The idea that you think you are entitled to do so is one that many women will find worrisome. If you want to exercise that level of control over women you haven't even met, how would you be in an actual relationship? How do you not understand this?

Wonderful quote. My closest friend is someone with whom the silences are as comfortable as other parts of our conversations. Silence isn’t the antithesis of the conversation - it’s an integral and important part of it.

@The-Krzyz Excellent! Well said! Silence as a necessary part of a real conversation! Brilliant! I will try to remember that!

@KenChang Spot on!