Lise, you honestly sound very appealing to me.

@tedelliss I tried to message you but I can't ? It seems to be a glitch on the site and my profile, not sure. If you message me, I'll write back

@IrishGypsy Really? Okay, I send another message.

@tedelliss another? I never received any message from you, sorry. I do reply when I receive messages, unless the message is rude or inappropriate. I don't think I've ever gotten one here like that. But I don't get hardly any, lol

@IrishGypsy Did my message reach you a moment ago? Perhaps we should do e-mail?

Lise, I am eager to begin getting to know you, but how can we if our messages are not reaching one another??? Any suggestions?

@IrishGypsy As it is apparent that our private messages are not getting through to each other, I can only say to you here - have a great Monday. I can't give you my e-mail address here, as others will see it.

Hi, Amy...thank you for your reply and input. But please don't assume that I have retention issues from my marital past...I definitely do not, because I asked for the divorce after a long and very prudent unhappy union. I have been separated and divorced since 2016...I am quite happy about it. It is just that I miss the companionship and family atmosphere I once enjoyed - though I did date someone recently for 4 months until this past August (she left me for another man, surprisingly). So you see, Amy - there are no issues dragging on...I am just being sentimental, and would like to meet a sincere and honest woman. If I can encourage you at all to get to know me, then great. Seems we are just a bit over 2 hours apart. i'm all about enjoying a variety of activities, much laughter, long intimate conversations, and being a caring good-hearted man that doesn't games. Life is getting shorter, after all. - Ted

@tedelliss Okay, I understand that. I'd like to see you interact more on the site, I don't know much about you other than you are maybe 2 1/2 hours away, and that's not enough. You seem like a nice guy, but I have to be compelled and I think you should be, too, not just because I'm in the northeast.

@bleurowz One day at a time...it all begins with getting acquainted online, telephone chats, then that first date/meeting over a cup of coffee or a meal.

Amy, have you actually read my profile?

@tedelliss Yes I have; in fact, I've been following you. I like your profile very much. I'm very gun-shy when it comes to getting to know someone; I'm open to possibilities, but I need to take my time.

@tedelliss Sent you a PM.

@bleurowz Really? I honestly didn't receive it. Care to try again? Or I can send you a message. Another person had the same problem, oddly.

@tedelliss Try messaging me. Go to my profile, click message, write something and send, see what happens. Also, check your settings, maybe you have something you need to change?... If not, maybe @Admin should look into it.

@tedelliss Ted, did you ever get messaging straightened out? I noticed you were having this problem with another member here. If it hasn't been corrected, what I suggest you do is write a post about it, tag both @SiteSupport and @Admin, and then put it in the Site & Customer Service category. You can also message them directly, but since messaging is the issue it might not go through. You shouldn't be having this problem, they can hopefully fix it.

@tedelliss You can also click on a form at FAQ [agnostic.com] to contact them directly.

oh, I've been ready for a long time...I think some women are misinterpreting me and holding back, sadly.

@tedelliss

It's frustrating, I know. But what took me a while to figure out, and what no one else will really tell you, is that you have to forget about the ones who do not seem interested or who don't reciprocate. Focus on having fun and on being the best human being you can. The rest falls into place in due time. You'll never be happy with the ones who misinterpret you or hold back, anyways.

Keep the faith, there is nothing wrong with you. And never try to force it.

Loss is very personal and we all deal with in our own ways but most people never, "move on." We absorb the loss and move forward, sometimes in very small steps. It's a healing process.

@CaroleKay Yes, that has been my experience, you absorb / accept and integrate in fits and starts but at some point the net result is what people refer to as "moving on". There's no particular length of time it "should" take but I start to be concerned if it surpasses 2 years or so AND there's no discernible movement. Of course I don't know the poster and it's offered more to make the OP aware of the likely optics than anything else.

@mordant I hear that and it makes me wonder about people who keep attending grief support groups for 5 years, maybe ten years or more following the death of their spouse. I attended a widow-widowers group for several months after my spouse died, but after that I never went back because it felt like I had told my story enough and worked thru my wife's death as much as I could there. Plus, the group by then really had no new info to offer me on coping. But there seemed to be many people there who kept coming even 5, 10, or more years after their loved one's death. Kind of made me wonder what their motivation was? To find another partner? To enjoy status as an elder/leader in the group? Or to just wallow in sympathy?

@TomMcGiverin All of those explanations are possibly in play, and/or, they may have chosen the role of widow(er) or martyr if you will, as part of their new identity. It is a dysfunctional and incomplete way of integrating the fact of their deceased partner's mortality into their awareness. But some people do that.

There are other self-limiting ways, perhaps stopping short of a primary identification as bereaved and bereft, but nevertheless closing onself off to future relationships. That last is not without its benefits, as people tend to look on it as a noble move, as in ,"s/he never remarried" uttered in hushed and admiring tones. Also, if you want to retain an ideal that your spouse was "the One" or that subsequent relationships are tarnished or inherently "less than", you might do yourself and prospective future partners a favor by staying out of the game.