My sperm donor died two years ago tomorrow and all it did was bring me closure. I had no desire to be at his death bed and I had no desire to be at his funeral and so I didn't go. The closure came from the realization that I would never receive the phone call that part of me longed for in which he would have said that he didn't regret me, that he was proud of me and perhaps even loved me - dead people can't dial a phone. Until now - I've thought very little of him since his passing.

You don't have to go. Sometimes self care is saying "no thank you."

Grief comes in waves,one minute you are good,the next,the waterworks comes on,in your case,it may never happen,being your father never wanted to create a bond with you. I wonder if he did much thought on the damage he did to you? The funeral will maybe answer some of your questions,the big one is WHY?

I don't know you at all, but I'm sorry you were denied a nurturing, loving relationship with your biological father. I hope you had the benefit of a positive male role model in your life. You shouldn't feel any guilt (and you apparently don't) over the loss of someone you never had to begin with. Just keep your honest and real perspective in all of this and you'll be fine. I hope this helps.

Sorry Jesse that whole situation sucks. I can relate. My father died in California when I was 17 and I didn't go ( nor did my mother) and I can't say I felt much of a loss but now much older I do keep one picture of him from when he was in a do-wop band ( before I was born) but that is all. I can remember maybe one or two good memories but mostly bad. I hope you get through all the awkwardness of the funeral relatively unscathed. My thoughts are with you.

My condolences to you. Even though you didnt know him well, death of someone you know will still need to be processed

I didn't attend any of the three memorial services for my father. I spent 10 days with him a few months before he died of brain cancer, and felt that was due diligence on my part. The rest of the family had each other and I didn't feel my presence, or lost inclome from missing work (coverage of travel expenses was offerred) would be good for me. His ex-wife, my mother, took my younger sister (then in her 30's). Mom said I was right not to go.

I felt the same way when I found out my mother had died.
Different circumstances, of course, but I was glad I wasn't there. I'm also glad
I didn't have to deal with the subsequent rituals.

I'd say "sorry for your loss", but it doesn't seem like you experienced one.
Good luck getting through the upcoming death ritual gauntlet.
People are going to say an awful lot of stupid shit, and things are going to get,
and stay, awkward for the duration.
Wishing you peace and patience.

I met my father when I was 17. He was around when the boys were little and was a good grandfather for them, but he was never my father or dad. I just never had one.

I'm sure you'll do fine at the funeral.

I've been there with my own father. During his funeral the preacher would say over and over to pray for his children. My brother and I would snicker because we didnt need prayer. He was an absent father our entire lives. I will say sorry for your circumstances.

It really sux when things like this happen, and I don't just mean the death. I understand the weird feeling of detachment from what's going on around you. Take it in your stride. The funeral is just another formality. Once that's over, people will just go back to their lives and you can begin to process it all, in your own time.

I had the exact same set of feelings when my estranged mother passed away. Nothing upon nothing. And over time nothing has changed except perhaps a regret of what could have been had she of stuck around and loved me as I see other mothers love their children. Don’t be concerned it won’t make you lose sleep just help the ones you care about that grieve over him to get through.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Xoxo.

Sorry that this happened man. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Tough spot, but I can relate.

I'm so sorry, Jesse. My thoughts are with you.