Peanuts In The Garden.

Based on the Peanuts characters created by Charles M. Schulz.

Starring:

The Great Pumpkin (as) She Who Must Be Obeyed.

The Little Red-Haired Girl (as) The First Girl.

Charlie Brown (as) The First Boy.

Lucy Van Pelt (as) The Devil's Advocate.

Pigpen (as) The Transformed Lucy Van Pelt.

Snoopy & Woodstock (as) The Two Cherubims.

Franklin, Linus Van Pelt, Marcie, Peppermint Patty, and Sally Brown (as) Off-Stage Angels observing from On High.

Production Supervisor & Director: Miss Othmar.

Music By: Schroeder.

The Peanut's Gospel 2 (Unauthorized Version)

…..

7 And The Great Pumpkin formed Charlie Brown of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and Chuck became a living soul.

8 And The Great Pumpkin planted a sincere pumpkin patch somewhere eastwards of where Disneyland will be; and there he put Charlie Brown whom The Great Pumpkin had formed.

9 And out of the ground made The Great Pumpkin to grow every pumpkin that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the Pumpkin of life also in the midst of the pumpkin patch, and the Pumpkin of knowledge of good and evil.

10 And a river went out to the sincere pumpkin patch to water the pumpkin patch; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads, which unfortunately have now dried up due to the following events.

…..

15 And The Great Pumpkin took Charlie Brown, and put him into the pumpkin patch somewhere eastwards of where Disneyland will be to dress it and to keep it.

16 And The Great Pumpkin commanded Charlie Brown, saying, Of every pumpkin of the pumpkin patch thou mayest freely eat:

17 But of the Pumpkin of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely never kick a football or win a baseball game again.

18 And The Great Pumpkin said, It is not good that Charlie Brown should be alone; I, The Great Pumpkin, will make Charlie Brown an help meet for him in the form of The First Girl.

19 And out of the ground The Great Pumpkin formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Charlie Brown to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Charlie Brown called every living creature that was the name thereof.

20 And Charlie Brown gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Charlie Brown there was not found a help meet in the form of The First Girl for him.

21 And The Great Pumpkin caused a deep sleep to fall upon Charlie Brown, and he slept: and The Great Pumpkin took one of Chuck's ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22 And the rib, which The Great Pumpkin had taken from Charlie Brown, made him The First Girl, and brought her unto Charlie Brown.

23 And Charlie Brown said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called The First Girl [and hereafter properly named The Little Red-Haired Girl], because she was taken out of The First Boy.

24 Therefore shall a boy leave his father and his mother [1], and shall cleave unto his girl: and they shall be one flesh [nudge-nudge; wink-wink].

25 And they were both naked, The First Boy (Charlie Brown) and his The First Girl [The Little Red-Haired Girl], and they were not ashamed. [Note: This was an early version of "If you show me yours I'll show you mine".]

The Peanut's Gospel 3 (Unauthorized Version)

1 Now Lucy Van Pelt was more subtle than any beast of the field which The Great Pumpkin had made. And Lucy Van Pelt said unto The First Girl [The Little Red-Haired Girl], Yea, hath The Great Pumpkin said, ye shall not eat of every pumpkin of the pumpkin patch?

2 And The Little Red-Haired Girl said unto Lucy Van Pelt, We may eat of the pumpkins of the pumpkin patch:

3 But of the Pumpkin is in the midst of the pumpkin patch, The Great Pumpkin hath said, ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye never kick a football or win a baseball game again.

4 And Lucy Van Pelt said unto The Little Red-Haired Girl, Ye shall not surely never kick a football or win a baseball game again.

5 For The Great Pumpkin doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as all other great pumpkins, knowing good and evil.

6 And when The Little Red-Haired Girl saw that the Pumpkin was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a Pumpkin to be desired to make one wise, she took of the Pumpkin thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto Charlie Brown with her; and Charlie Brown did eat.

7 And the eyes of Charlie Brown and The Little Red-Haired Girl both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed pumpkin leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

8 And they heard the voice of The Great Pumpkin walking in the pumpkin patch in the cool of the day: and Charlie Brown and his Little Red-Haired Girl hid themselves from the presence of The Great Pumpkin amongst the pumpkins of the pumpkin patch.

9 And The Great Pumpkin called unto Charlie Brown, and said unto him, Where art thou? [2]

10 And Charlie Brown said, I heard thy voice in the pumpkin patch, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11 And The Great Pumpkin said, Who told thee that thou was naked? Hast thou eaten of the Pumpkin, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

12 And Charlie Brown said, The Little Red-Haired Girl whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the Pumpkin, and I did eat.

13 And The Great Pumpkin said unto The Little Red-Haired Girl, What is this that thou hast done? And The Little Red-Haired Girl said, Lucy Van Pelt beguiled me, and I did eat.

14 And The Great Pumpkin said unto Lucy Van Pelt, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life, and your name shall be forever more "Pigpen":

15 And I, The Great Pumpkin, will put enmity between thee Charlie Brown and The Little Red-Haired Girl, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

16 Unto The Little Red-Haired Girl The Great Pumpkin said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy boyfriend, Charlie Brown, and Charlie Brown shall rule over thee.

17 And unto Charlie Brown The Great Pumpkin said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy girlfriend, and hast eaten of the Pumpkin, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it was thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And further, ye shall surely never kick a football or win a baseball game again.

20 And Charlie Brown called his girlfriend's name The Little Red-Haired Girl; because she was, well, The Little Red-Haired Girl of all living little red-haired girls.

21 Unto Charlie Brown and to his girlfriend [The Little Red-Haired Girl] did The Great Pumpkin make coats of skins, and clothed both Charlie Brown and The Little Red-Haired Girl.

22 And The Great Pumpkin said, Behold, the boy is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the Pumpkin of life, and eat, and live forever:

23 Therefore The Great Pumpkin sent Charlie Brown forth from the pumpkin patch somewhere eastwards of where Disneyland will be, to till the ground from whence he was taken.

24 So The Great Pumpkin drove out Charlie Brown; and The Great Pumpkin placed at the east of the pumpkin patch somewhere eastwards of where Disneyland will be two Cherubims [Snoopy and Woodstock], and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the Pumpkin of life.

THE END

[1] Where Mum and Dad came from at this point in time isn't adequately explained.

[2] Which is rather peculiar since The Great Pumpkin is supposed to be omniscient.