How do y’all respond when you mention a situation you’re going through and someone responds with “I’m gonna pray for you.”
I’m always like... “Uh sure.” Am I supposed to thank them? ?
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I focus on their intent, which is usually good. I also get a lot of “Have a blessed day.” They are wishing me well, and I appreciate that. Not the time to make some philosophical point.
The-Krzyz
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
4
I don’t mind the have a blessed day so much... not sure why I’m ok with that, but the prayer thing makes me roll my eyes. Lol.
A local fast food restaurant hires adults with disabilities to bring food to your car. One of those adults would always say have a blessed day. She seemed like such a nice and genuine woman and I knew probably didn’t have the mental capabilities to critically think about religion so I always said it right back to her hoping it would make her feel even a small percentage of how nice it made me feel to hear it from her.
Probably the only time I’d ever do such a thing.
@Marcie1974 I feel like that as well...it is not place to burst any bubbles in that type of situation...kindness given is given back...
@Essie Sometimes when it’s actually happening, my gut tells me if this might be a “teachable moment” or not. Maybe if there is something more productive that person could do that I can suggest. If I were one of the people affected by the recent wildfires here in California, for instance, and someone told me they’d keep me in their prayers, I’d still thank them, but mention a donation to the Red Cross would be nice if they could afford it.
@Essie, @Marcie1974 The “blessed day” expression also has a cultural side, and is simply more common in some communities than others. I try to guess, if I make a point about it, will people get it, or will they get defensive, which is not productive to me. Humor helps. People who know me will check themselves before saying “bless you” after a sneeze because I have made a good-natured wisecrack about it before. It gets a chuckle, but also gives them a little lesson in diversity.
@The-Krzyz yes, this particular woman has a southern accent (I’m in Minnesota) and I assume it’s more common down south?
@Marcie1974 I think there are some southern roots there, yes!
Their praying takes nothing away from you...I usually smile and nod, which seems enough...let them read whatever they want into it...being atheist does not mean I have to be rude or confront people 24/7...
thinktwice
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
6
As I’m not militant and live in the buybull belt, I just usually nod and go about my business. I’m always with my boys and if I go off or impose myself, I'm no better than they.
Green_eyes
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
4
Oh my gosh I love the word “buybull!” I’ve never seen that before and honestly wondered how it autocorrected to that at first!!!
@Marcie1974 if you type it enough Siri learns it.
If they say it with good intention and sincerity, accept it. They mean well. You don't need to say anything.
Mitch07102
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
4
@OwlInASack So you think their intent is nefarious? Are you assuming that most people who are religious have the capacity to think beyond anything more than polite and practiced responses? You give them too much credit...you are reading way too much into their response...it is annoying for sure to people like us who think more deeply, but, to expect that level from others who still cling to the dogma is only going to result in your being aggravated, not them. Is it worth it? What have you become less tolerant about? People not wasting time on those who don't even know their own ignorance? What do you propose saying instead that might turn that light bulb on for them? Just curious...
@OwlInASack I can see responding if you know that the intention is for them to throw their piety in your face or if they say anything that seems disingenuous. I have no problem calling out racism or sexism so maybe the problem is not feeling secure enough to call out religious beliefs that appear more banal and polite than anything mean or ugly. What would they think is not so great? That they are saying a prayer , wishing you only comfort or good? I don't think that would fly and makes you look like an ingrate to those in observance...I don't know that it would win points or modify behavior.
You are right to be open and discover your own biases and values but I think you have more thoughtful processes in play than many of those intolerant religious people...
I don't think you are giving anyone a free pass if they didn't know there was a price to be paid in the first place...
I am like you...it is frustrating when we can see how things could be made better...sadly, we do have to pick our battles and not all will be won in our lifetime
Thank you for a respectful and insightful conversation
@OwlInASack I wish those who do this in our area were more self-aware...they are not...they truly just say stuff to appear polite and not into any kind of meaningful discussion...quite awful...
Again, in our area, they would turn on you and probably burn a cross in your front yard as they kill your black cats for being witch cats if you challenged them...people take their religion very seriously here...
@OwlInASack You need to experience our Bible Belt at its best/worst...
@OwlInASack I want to move...ugh..it is tiresome...to be the country that has a constitution to separate state and religion and to have the opposite is just scary and boring...there are so many more interesting things to discuss!
@OwlInASack How nice! I am looking for warmer weather as the cold does not appeal to me...I was thinking Lisbon, but haven't been in a while...I will travel around to see, checking out all the boxes that need to be ticked...
I just say "Thank You" because they are trying to support you and bring you comfort.
Fairiedust
Level 4
Dec 10, 2018
2
Depending upon who they are I’ll say thanks or I appreciate it. (Was going through a rough time several years ago, my best friend said that even though she knows I’m atheist, she was still going to pray for me. She had given me tons of support by way of listening and letting me cry on her shoulder already. I still sincerely appreciated her prayers. Kind of like me sending good vibes to someone else).
If I don’t know the person and am feeling particularly snarky, I may say “thanks I’ll think for you.” Had someone say they’d pray for me because I’m atheist on Facebook. They weren’t really someone I knew anyways and I didn’t give 2 shits if they got offended or unfriended me.
Marcie1974
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
2
I tell them, "I forgive you" ?
Just kidding. It depends on why they are saying it. If they mean well, fine. If it's a friends and they are fucking with me, I laugh and tell them to fuck off. If there are trying to work on converting me... Well that depends as well.
JeffB
Level 6
Dec 10, 2018
3
I am sarcastic, so my response is "hey, thanks! I'll go home and talk to my dog for you".
SoullessHeathen
Level 5
Dec 10, 2018
2
This happens to me a lot being in Indiana. I usually tell them thanks, I'm an atheist but I don't mind if it makes them feel better. I developed this over the years. I love it because now if they pray for me I've put it in their head it's really to make them feel better which will cause internal conflict in their head while I still get too seem like I was nice about it. Maybe they will be less likely to do it again. I know its coming from a good place so I don't want to seem like a dick but don't want to really let it slide either. If I'm in a hurry I just say thanks because it can lead to follow up attempts to save you. I've also figured out quick ways to deal with those but it can still take some of your time.
JesseBoren
Level 7
Dec 10, 2018
2
This is exactly how I feel about it.
Aarrgh. What to say. Little to nothing.
Side note: told a friend once I would keep him in my thoughts and meditations since I couldn't pray. Best answer ever. He said that meant more than the prayer platitudes. Some hope does exist.
Beowulfsfriend
Level 9
Dec 10, 2018
2
My go to statement of support, when others generally say they are praying for you, is that I will be having good thoughts for you... to my surprise (and great appreciation) a few years ago my very religious, very prayerful mother started using my phrasing anytime she wanted to express she'd be praying for me. Meant more to me than all the prayer in the world could. Some hope does exist. ?
Thank them. That's their way to wish me well. I don't see anything wrong with that.
Paddypereira
Level 7
Dec 10, 2018
2
Thank you very much for the sentiment but prayer has been demonstrated to be not effective so please don't waste your time. [nytimes.com]
NoMagicCookie
Level 8
Dec 12, 2018
1
If you must but do it with caution because ever since that week I spent in New Orleans people who pray for me have been known to spontaneously combust.
ArdentAtheist
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
1
You could answer, "fat lot of good that will do", but that wouldn't be very polite.
Stephanie99
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
1
I actually get this a lot when people get to know me and some of the stuff I've been dealing with the past few years. My attorney told me last week that I am "doing god's work." I appreciate the sentiment at least. It's not my place to judge her for her beliefs or anyone else who says anything of that nature. They are usually meaning well and hoping the best for you. No reason to rain on their parade. I just say Thank you. However, it can be situational. If the situation called for it, I might be snarky but it depends. If I really needed help I might say thanks but ask for something that would be of use to me.
hayley
Level 4
Dec 10, 2018
1
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