Jesus Christ: Super Cosmonaut? Part One

The mythological and supernatural gods, even the monotheistic God, have been stripped of their mythological and supernatural status by those proposing that they were actually ‘humanly’ flawed flesh-and-blood beings ‘who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men’ (apologies for stealing Superman’s introduction). In other words, the gods (including God) were ‘ancient astronauts’. One being not usually cited in the ‘ancient astronaut’ literature is Jesus Christ. However, I see no reason to exclude him from consideration and speculation.

Erich von Daniken – of ‘ancient astronaut’ fame (though hardly the one and only in that field, he wasn’t the first to think up the ‘ancient astronaut’ idea, but he really helped to popularize it) – has had many best selling book titles exploring that theme, when translated into English (von Daniken was Swiss) became known as “Chariots of the Gods”; “Gods from Outer Space” and several others of like ilk. Presumably the ‘gods’ refer to the general run of polytheistic gods. But the back jacket cover of my “Chariots of the Gods” tome he asks the question ‘was God an astronaut?’ presumably the monotheistic God. Of course the plural gods could incorporate the singular God. In any event, the index to either of these first two noted volumes doesn’t mention Jesus Christ (hereafter J.C.). I suspect the main reason why, was that von Daniken focused more on archaeology and artefacts, and there just isn’t much in the way of J.C. archaeology and artefacts. I personally think mythology offers an equally if not better field in which to play, and there’s a lot of J.C. mythology. The question I now ask, was J.C. an ‘ancient astronaut’?

If you’re a rational being you probably tend to think all things supernatural (ghosts, telekinesis, astrology, deities, etc.) are a load of codswallop. On the other hand, you, as a rational being, probably acknowledge there’s historical evidence that J.C. existed, though that’s not accepted by all scholars. If so, if you think J.C. really existed, you have a problem since J.C. is considered by the multitudes to be a supernatural being. But, that paradox can be resolved, not just by denying J.C.’s very existence, but somehow attributing J.C.’s so-called supernatural abilities in a more, well not so much a down-to-earth way as in an up-to-space context. The very question explains all – was J.C. an ‘ancient astronaut’? That is, was J.C., instead of a supernatural being, an extraterrestrial being?

Let’s start at the beginning.

We have no idea what date J.C. was ‘born’, if a virgin birth can be interpreted as being somehow naturally born. The 25th of December is a pure invention on the part of the Christian Church – even the exact year is uncertain. The so-called ‘Star of Bethlehem’ is of little use. Despite speculation that the ‘star’ was a conjunction of two or more stellar and/or planetary objects, the ‘star’ would still resolve itself into two or more points of light, even though apparently in very close proximity. Further, that two or three individual points of light connection would also have been obvious to observers in the days and weeks before (as the points of light grew closer together) and after (as they drew apart again). A supernovae or a comet would have been visible for many days’ even weeks. A ‘shooting star’ would visually last way too short an interval. No, the ‘star’ must have been a one-off short duration event. Let’s call a spade a spade here – the ‘star’ was a classic UFO sighting! The proof of that pudding is that the so-called ‘star’ led people, wise men or otherwise, to a very, very specific geographical location, something no astronomical object could do.

Piling on the speculation, let’s say our UFO was, say if not the Starship Heaven (the extraterrestrial and ‘ancient astronaut’ God’s spacecraft), at least a shuttlecraft from same. If the infant J.C. were, in a manner of speaking ‘beamed down’, well that would be something akin to a ‘virgin birth’. Modern UFO abduction lore would suggest that our modern aliens, the greys say, do have some sort of beaming technology.

Now it’s my understanding that there is quite some considerable ‘missing time’ gap between J.C.’s early years and the start of his ‘ministry’ at roughly age 30 or thereabouts. J.C. apparently went walkabout for quite a while and any official J.C. biography will have a large timeline gap in it. That a person of such importance as to attract a crowd at his ‘virgin’ birth, the messiah, the Son of God, could just vanish for years on end just staggers the imagination. The question is where did J.C. go for all those years? Perhaps he returned home for a bit of R&R, or reflection. My best guess is that J.C. returned home (somewhere out there) for instruction, training and overall preparedness for what was to come, that is, his ‘ministry’ or whatever. Again, it is strange that someone of his historical stature would have just vanished off the face of the planet for quite some considerable time.

Then we have the so-called ‘miracles of Jesus’ which tend to fall into four categories: exorcisms; control over nature; medical cures; and raising the dead. Even if J.C. existed, there’s no consensus that he performed anything supernatural as in miracles. In fact, just one general miracle is mentioned in all four of the Gospels – feeding the multitudes with loaves and fishes on apparently two occasions. That might be explainable – a simple cell phone call to God on the Starship Heaven – “Hey Daddy, can you beam me down some more supplies please?” Somehow along the line, Matthew, Mark, Luke or John overlooked one or more of J.C.’s other miraculous accomplishments. In fact, slightly less than half of J.C.’s miracles merit only a single mention from one of the four Gospels. Further, many of J.C.’s miracles seem pretty trivial like walking on water and cursing a fig tree. Anyway, I don’t see anything here that’s beyond the technical capabilities of an advanced extraterrestrial civilization.

Exorcisms – even ordinary Catholic priests can cast out a minor demon or two, but of course if there no such thing as demons then there’s nothing to actually exorcise. Instead, just use the application of a bit of mumbo-jumbo; the power of suggestion; the application of a bit of pop psychology – that should do the trick. The placebo effect ‘cures’ the demonized.

Control over nature – well nothing a bit of slight-of-hand coupled with some sophisticated technology, including the ‘beam me up Scotty’ variety couldn’t accomplish. Sure, some of J.C.’s miracles appear impressive, but if Matthew, Mark, Luke and/or John could witness some 20th and 21st Century technology, what tales I’m sure they would spin!

Cures – nothing modern medicine couldn’t handle. To the simple peasants of 2000 years ago, from their point of view, our 21st Century MD’s do a bang up job in cures for probably most of the ailments that would have inflicted them.

Raising the dead – or was it walking up the sleeping as J.C. himself admitted in one of only three such cases involving him? Now actually resurrecting the dead is a very common theme in deity-based mythologies throughout the world, and thus hardly something unique to J.C. Actually, and again from the perspective of 2000 years down the track, our modern medical technology does a reasonable job in resurrections of the apparently (i.e. – those under general anaesthesia) and sometimes even clinically dead, via the use of electric heart thumpers, administering oxygen, etc. Then there’s that other J.C. resurrection – J.C.’s own return to the ‘living’. If J.C. appeared to people post execution, well it’s amazing what holographic projections can do, especially if you have no concept of hologram technology. Of course maybe the extraterrestrial medical technology available on the Starship Heaven could resurrect the dead or the fact that J.C. was an extraterrestrial – he didn’t have purely human physiology – might also explain it.

Now it maybe impressive for J.C. to have miraculously healed someone of, say cancer. But, it would have been far more impressive for J.C. to have come up with an overall cure for cancer – surely within the powers of a supernatural (but maybe not an extraterrestrial) being. In any event, there’s no stunt or miracle that J.C. pulled off that you can’t also find in the annals of the various polytheistic gods. Raise the dead? That’s old hat stuff – that trick don’t impress me much anymore!

One other thought at this particular juncture comes to mind. One often repeated theme in mythology when it comes to the gods is the conflict between father and son. Sooner or later, the son grows up and ultimately poses a threat to daddy and daddy’s power. Gods were known to plot against their own kids, sometimes swallowing their newborn in order to prevent any further on down-the-track rivalry for power with their legitimate heirs. Daddy gods could be and often were jealous of their own offspring. So what about the relationship between J.C. and God?

To be continued…