Yeah, must have been tough for you. Still don't date women with kids?

@Jolanta It's kind of puzzling even at this age. At this stage, I will date women 50-68 yo, and yes, I will gladly date women with kids as long as the kids are grown and out of the home, which, for almost all the women in that age range, is the case. But here is where it gets weird. Realistically, the women at the bottom of my age range (50-55) still won't reply to me or date me for two reasons it seems. One, the vast majority of them indicate on their profiles that they won't date more than a few years over their age but they will date as much as 12-15 years younger than them, pure cougars, just interested in sex, or just don't like older men at all, who knows? Secondly, I say in my profile essay, quite honestly, that I am not family-oriented, which means I don't want to spend most of my time with a woman visiting her kids and grandkids with her. The vast majority of women in my area my age say in their profiles that they are very family-oriented and I avoid those women while instead reaching out to the ones who don't say that and have kids as well as ones who don't have kids.

The five women I have met in person while on Match for 15 months were all age 63-67 and not family-oriented, all a few to several years older than me. Their kids were all grown and they were independent women who were done playing mommy and interested in meeting a man to do couple things with. It's going to be a long, tough search for me because in my area most women grew up in the Midwest where family is everything to most women even if they are politically liberal and agnostic.

I have discussed my situation with a lot of people and the concensous seems to be that women without kids who are in my age group are highly desired by men my age and that those women are quite aware that they are a highly prized minority on dating sites. Thus, they know they can do better than me on looks and money, so hence the lack of interest. Another reason may be that women without kids are looking ahead for when they get old and sick, so they prefer a man with kids, figuring his kids will comfort and look after the woman should she end up widowed.

@TomMcGiverin Wow, thats something to ponder upon. I know what you mean about being family oriented. It is almost like an obsession with some of them, and not only women. I have grown up kids but I have a life of my own besides the life I have with them. I think it is some kind of insecurity when you have to spend so much time with your family, how can you grow and learn new things? There is so much to experience in life, with and about others, not just your immediate family.

@Jolanta Thanks for validating that. That issue is undoubtedly my biggest roadblock to finding a partner on Match because I live in an area where so many women are very traditional and conservative, at least on this issue. Even the ones who identify as Agnostic or not religious. The women on this site seem way more independent and secure, as you say, about that stuff. Probably because they are the only non-believers in their family and have always marched to their own drummer, so they don't cling to their family like all the farmer's daughter types around me.

Just like when I was younger and getting rejected by all the women wanting kids or with kids, I can only be honest with myself and them about what I want. Which is someone who wants a couples relationship where most of our time together is spent doing stuff just the two of us, instead of me being more of an escort for the woman visiting her family with me. I honestly think that for a lot of the women in my area, they sort of use the family time and connection stuff as sort of a shield against getting too involved with a new man because they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed with the relationship.

I have a theory about the family-oriented women on Match in my area and I'd like to hear the opinions of members on this, esp. women. It goes like this. The vast majority of women in my area say something in their profile essay like " Family is first, I love my kids and grandkids, etc." I just skip those women, but even those that don't self-identify like that seem to make family time and connections a big issue. Even the ones that don't have kids. My theory is that many, if not most women, in my area, seem to cope with becoming divorced or widowed by retreating into their family and grandkids for comfort and support while they are licking their wounds and recovering from their loss or crisis. That is totally understandable and healthy. The problem or issue is that even years later, they seem to be hanging onto their kids and grandkids as sort of a shield or security blanket even after they shouldn't need it that much because they are afraid of emotionally investing themselves in a new relationship with a man. So they protect themselves and hedge themselves emotionally by making a big deal about spending time with family over the new man and wanting to spend most of their time with him around family so things don't move too fast or get too intense with him emotionally because they are afraid of getting hurt or disappointed with the new relationship.

Sound about right? When even the women without kids subscribe to this attitude, it leaves me pretty well screwed in finding a partner who is ready to spend most of their time as a couple without the family around.

@TomMcGiverin You are right there Tom but you know there are plenty of independent women who also do not want to spend "all" the time with their partner. They like some alone time too. I think a lot of women and men are wary of relationships if they have been badly hurt and I am not saying that this is the fault of the other partner because often we only see what the other does or doesn't and don't take on any responsibility ourselves. When you say that you want to spend most of your time as a couple I start thinking that that may be a bit too much for a lot of people. After all you probably don't have all the same interests and I cannot think of my partner wanting or having to go to, for example art shows or anything else that I would like. Neither can I see myself as going to stuff that I am not interested in either. We need to give each other space. All the same there are those who love spending all their time together and there will be someone there for you too.

@Jolanta It's all a matter of experience and interpretation. I make it very clear, as much as one can, in my Match profile that I'm seeking strong, independent women who already have their own friends and enjoy spending time with them as well as with a partner. Just as my late wife and I did in our marriage. We both spent time apart with friends, mine and hers. There was a good balance and that's what I want again, if possible. She and I also did not share all the same interests and I also make it clear in my profile that they don't have to share all of mine and vice versa.

The problem is no matter how you word it, people are going to read the same words on the screen differently according to their past experiences and prejudices, including knee-jerk defensiveness. I'm growing weary of trying to get women to see me for who I am instead of the sum of their baggage and prejudices. It gets really old. There's really no way to safely or easily address the complex, touchy issue of how much family time a woman can expect with me in a relationship or how much I would like to just be with them. Paid dating sites are just not conducive to that. This site more likely is because it seems like people here have more self awareness and are more open to trying to keep their baggage in check when they are sizing up a prospective partner.

Unfortunately this site appears to offer zero prospects for me in my area and it doesn't look likely to change.

Also, username checks out

@maturin1919 Brunette like her dad, bless her heart. She got the freckles, though.