Nothing really, we both knew everything about each other (good, bad and ugly), and then, only then we decided to take the next step.

I'm not saying we should settle for toxic, abusive or disconnected people in our lives, but we do need to give them the space to be human.

I don't know of anything that would really make a difference in my decision, honestly. While I didn't fully understand my wife's limitations like I do now, how on earth could I have, without spending years together? And she has the same problem with my limitations. We could both allow those to irritate the bejezus out of us, to the detriment of the things we deeply admire about each other. We don't.

What makes up for whatever I "wish I knew about" her is my wife is curious and self-aware and self-reflective and always improving herself and generally clear on what is her shit, so that she doesn't put it on me. I do my best to reciprocate. She also appreciates my patience with her, and says so. I don't know what more one can realistically ask for from another human being.

I think a lot of relationship problems arise from the notion that we deserve a perfect S.O. (and our notions of perfection can be a moving target, too). If we deserve that, then it follows that we should regret or be disappointed when they don't fulfill our wildest dreams, or try a do-over with a new relationship when we don't get it. Implicit in this is the notion that our shit smells better than theirs, and that's just not true.

As I said at the outset, I'm not saying to anyone who was in an abusive relationship that you should have stayed in it. I'm not in an abusive relationship, so am not addressing that (I was in one once, so I know that side of things, too). But I am in a relationship with another human, and that's always imperfect. I try to price that in.

That they were Totallly self-centered....I just dumped the last one,so I guess I am getting smarter....?

Controlling bitch

They say you need to see someone in a time of stress to really measure their character. My ex couldn't handle illness and dying. He was crazy about my mom but when she got cancer he was little support and even pouted about the lack of attention i gave him. While we were not married (lived together 7 yrs), I kicked him to the curb days before she died. I dodged a bullet. I'd rather died alone and uncared for than together and uncared for.

Hmmm, depends which one. The narcissistic ones, I wish I had been better educated about red flags of abuse. One was basically a child who was never going to really grow up: wish I’d known that.

I wish I knew that she would only be interested in extreme VANILLA sex.

Sure would, if I knew he was such a man baby I would never have married him, never.

Nothing. I had made up my mind I would make it work. But I didn't realize it takes two.

We courted so long before we took the plunge that we really knew one another very well by the time we married. What I wish I had known, was that we should have married far quicker, because we found out that we were perfect together. And unfortunately after courting so long, we did not have long because P. passed away following a sudden illness just under three months into the marriage.

I would have like to have know she was going to turn into the Ice Queen of Narnia ahead of time.

I think we decided this had to bloody work because we are both codgers and neither of us has the strength to do it again. I held off for ages, not sure if I dare. If he has faults then don't we all. He texts me to say he's worried about me driving in the snow. He was genuinely relieved when I got the all-clear when we thought I was unwell. He likes my children. He makes me laugh...he loves my cooking. He remembers my colleague and friend's names. No one in my entire 52 years has ever cared this much about me. Yeah he's untidy but so what.