I think one of the main reasons there are so many failed relationships and divorces is that people do not understand or think about what factors can help a relationship work and endure.
People foolishly choose partners because of simply attraction or because of common interests and shared activities.
The real keys to long-term compatibility, though, are common beliefs, goals and values.
These are part of a person's character that should not be compromised, so they should align from the start of a relationship.
Common interests, preferences, activities and tastes can be compromised, so they can be cultivated over time by a couple that has built a relationship on the solid foundation of common beliefs, goals and values.
3
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
5 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.well, what do you expect? many people are young when they marry. of course they don't understand how relationships work. good luck getting someone to follow your advice about aligning beliefs and goals. that's not how humans tend to function. but even when people work at a relationship and have a clue how to do so, that is no guarantee things will work out, either. some people with not a lot in common just love each other and keep doing so until death doth them part.
g
genessa
Level 8
Jan 26, 2019
1
When you say not a lot in common, you are probably referring to temperament or interests, activities, preferences and tastes, or perhaps skills and abilities.
Those do not have to be in common for a couple to be successful.
In fact, I could make a strong case that diversity in skills, abilities, temperament and activities makes for a stronger couple if they have common beliefs, goals and values.
And, also some spouses are egotistical assholes, and some cheat e very chance they get, etc etc etc. Maybe you should say "marriages between people of goodwill".....
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Jan 26, 2019
0
Good will is a value.
Integrity is a value.
Honesty and transparency are values.
The whole point I am trying make is choose more carefully by looking for common beliefs, goals and values so you avoid "egotistical assholes" unless you are one, too
@PaulIvice my 2nd hubby, 33+years, if I had a dime for every time someone told me what a "fine man" and "fine character ter" he had/was, I would be a wealthy woman.....serial liar & cheater, very good at his shtick. I would have beat on you if you had tried to tell me what he really was! Our doctor told me, " you are a very lucky woman after we broke up & I was strongly advised to "get tested".....which the doctor by law could say nothing as we both had patients' rights. You are just a tad naive, methinks......
@AnneWimsey I would suggest it is you who was naive, and did not know how to get past his facade. Fuethermore, his facade is all you mention in your comments. You do not talk about his beliefs, goals or values, and I would suggest that you never really proved deeply into them or were not skilled enough to know what to look for.
@PaulIvice we had incredibly similar backgrounds, families, goals, kids, money, etc etc etc.
. On paper, you would undoubtedly have thought we were "perfect" .
We lived & worked together before marriage, in fact met at work, so I did see lots of his outlook & interaction with others. Plus, I had been married before & was almost 30, not a kid.
Yes, maybe I was very naive, to observe & interact with someone for about a year, and everything checked out.....when, exactly, should you start hiring private dectectives, with no reason to do so that anyone could see?? Like I just said, on paper we met every single one of your criteria, but he was a bone-deep schemer.
I refuse to blame myself for his duplicity!
Evolution generally favors changing partners now and then. Why should humans be any different?
THHA
Level 7
Jan 26, 2019
0
Because there are many benefits to the long-lasting relationship than you can never know if you are constantly changing or looking for new partners.
THHA:
"constantly" is a bit to strong of a word for my intent.
Yes, I agree that if two people have different beliefs and values, it can end up causing problems in the relationship, even if physical attraction keeps them coming back to each other for more disagreements. Best not to even start a relationship if those core values are not aligned.
Julie808
Level 8
Jan 26, 2019
1
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.