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Recent discussion with a friend: How many of you can overlook differences in religious beliefs in a relationship? Could it work between a believer and a non-believer? What do you guys think? I’m in an area that is 95% Christian, and it has been incredibly hard to meet someone like minded that also has other things in common and some level of attraction.

  • 12 votes
  • 12 votes
Michael76 3 Feb 19
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21 comments

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4

I think it depends on how deep each party is immersed in his or her beliefs. If they are superficial believers, then it's fine, but if they're immersed and obsessed in their doctrine and religion, then it won't work. I have seen the same unbalanced relationships in relation to sports, where the one is fanatical about playing, attending or watching sport, and the other not. Friction would erode the goodwill, I think. Maybe.

I was thinking the same about superficial. But then I started thinking that I would want to discuss with them why they believe at all. If they aren't willing to look at religion objectively, I'm not sure I could respect them. If they did look at it objectively and still decided they believe....I probably wouldn't respect that either.

3

It can work but for me they would have to be very casual about their belief. Then again, intelligence is really important to me and I would expect a partner to question religion. I don't know....maybe it wouldn't work.

3

I believe it can work but it will be insanely difficult. My question is why would you want to be with someone who disagrees with you on a topic that has such drastic implications?

Not saying I’m considering dating someone who is religious, but the discussion was one where we could see both sides

3

It CAN work, but how often is that the case? The poll is a bit skewed: "wont" work is an absolute; "can" work spans a range including "once in a blue moon" to "almost always".

Given what I have observed, it actually "can" work a very low percentage of the time. I'd much rather improve the odds by avoiding believers, especially extremely intense believers, for anything serious or long term.

Zster Level 8 Feb 19, 2019
2

Was married for twenty years to a believer. In the end I couldn't put up with the hypocritical attitude anymore. Reading what they wanted and ignoring what they didn't like. Professing to love their neighbors but taking about how they hated other people who didn't believe like they did, even with the same religion. I was able to smile and overlook these "minor" flaws for 15 years. It went downhill slowly after that but became too much for me to ignore after 18 years. The marriage ended soon after that and the divorce took the better part of a year. If you think you can choose to not fight about the "selective moral code" then go for it.

That would be the hardest thing for me, the hypocrisy.

2

Love doesn't always follow logic.

Deb57 Level 8 Feb 20, 2019
2

I have to take the stand that everyone has the right to be wrong....especially when it cames to family, and people I have decided are otherwise, good people...anyone I'm friends or family with, know that I'm atheist, and cross that boundry at their own risk.

"The right to be wrong" - well put, and that can be a problem, no question.

You do not have any inherent right to believe things that are not true. Climate change deniers are killing the planet. Religious people are attempting to control the Reproductive Rights of women. You do not have a right to be wrong.

@KC1959 and I see you are expressing your right.

@HankSherman

@KC1959 I only extend the right to be an asshole to family and friends,..you're neither. Good bye

2

Good luck.
Christianity and most other religion piss me off.
I can barely manage friendship and family bonds with those who are not fanatically evangelical.

2

I could overlook someone whose beliefs were different than mine only if he would overlook mine. A mutual respect is important. That said, I probably would not WANT to be with someone who was a christian, as I would find myself silently asking "do you REALLY believe this stuff?" with amazement, and probably an increasing lack of respect. Rude, but that's my honesty!

@MicholD - and a lack of respect would probably kill any relationship. Why start out knowing that there is a major chasm?

@MicholD - I think major differences matter no matter what the age! If someone's belief system is completely counter to our own, and we can't help but question the blind faith of the religious, I would further guess that respecting them is a challenge. We can respect their right to their beliefs, but that doesn't mean we think it is a smart choice..

2

I was married to a 'believer" for about five years and I don't intend to ever do it again. They seem to lack logical deduction and problem solving skills.

JoeVZ Level 4 Feb 19, 2019
1

This question pops up at least once every two months. My answer is always "can't work". The divide is too great.

1

It's important to be relatively open about one's lack of belief fairly early in in a developing relationship. Then, if it seems like religion is the only impediment to becoming more serious, ask--in a sincerely interested, non-confrontational way--why the person believes what s/he believes. Peter Boghosian's "street-corner epistemology" is a useful way for doing this. With guidance, s/he may come to see that religious belief cannot be substantiated. If not, keep on looking.
Frank Zindler

1

It definitely CAN work. As people have said I think it depends how strongly held and to a larger extent how strongly people live out whatever path they follow. My parents have been together since 1975. My mom is a Methodist (usually goes once a week, but doesnt preach and talk religion outside of church) and my dad was raised catholic and not considers himself agnostic, bordering on athiest. They both hold their beliefs and what they consider spiritual encounters very closely, but it's more of like I think this and you think that. I think as long as you're not trying to convert people or making people live their life according to your faith, it can be a happy relationship

1

All depends on the potential companion and the relationship goals. The more dogmatic the other person, the least likely it will work, IMO. I dated, a Buddhist then a (and she had a problem, initially with me being a atheist) Christian and I have been with a Muslim woman for 5+ . In the latter case, she believes what she believes but it is still fine. Now, in none of those cases, was there going to be marriage, kids living together. Relationships that involve the 3 steps I mentioned, all bets are off.

1

I make it work, and I make it a point to establish ground rules- I don’t push my beliefs on you, and you don’t do that to me.

0

Just from my own, personal experience, I don't think it can work. Was married to a guy once who swore he respected my lack of belief. Then he joined the Promise Keepers, and he started to beat me upside the head with the Bible. Sometimes literally.

There were, obviously, other issues in the relationship, but it's funny how they didn't really appear until he was "born again".

0

I am an anti-theist​ so I could never have a working relationship with a believer. Unfortunately that has meant a lonely life up to now. lol

0

You would be able to trust someone who truly believes that you will be tortured for all of eternity due to your lack of belief? Frankly I wouldn't even want that person as a friend.

0

I feel like it really depends on if they believer is a part of an organized religion. If they believe but don't fall into the institution part then it could work. Just has to be two people not letting anyone else getting in the way of love.

0

I think it depends on the depth of belief the religious one has. I dated an evangelical for a bit and she insisted I attend with her, so I did once but ran out in uncomfortable laughter when they started talking in tongues. I was wating for someone to slither like a snake up the aisle, I have to confess I smoked a doob beforehand! ?

0

My late wife was in one political party and I was in the other,we never argued politics in our home,voting as we thought on the issues. Neither of us were at all Religious,never once in our 27 years of marriage did we attend any of the 500 Churches in Spring field Mo. we had crosses in the hallways of our house but did not pray before meals or attend any special Religious services.A very calm,respecting of each others views marriage.

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