Yes, I KNOW I said we'd be together until the end of time. But time was going a lot faster when we liked each other.
14
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11 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Meatloaf: "Paradise by the dashboard light"... makes me LOL every time I hear it!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Feb 27, 2019
2
A lot of non-evidence based opinions in heyuh.
The divorce rate is in decline, and by no means is a lasting marriage "an exception" rather than a rule, especially when divorce for people under the age of 45 has been in perpetual decline for years.
I get many of you have had bad (if anecdotal) experiences with marriage, but those do not make your opinions fact. Some of yall may feel like time is short, but stop marrying people every six weeks and then claiming marriage is the problem.
Is it that Gen Y and Gen X simply have stronger values than Boomers? Maybe. IMO the Greatest Generation birthed the Worst Generation, but I digress and I'm half-kidding ... maybe.
But it turns out that getting an education first, not sacrificing your life for someone else's, and getting to know your partner first has a pretty significant impact on whether you get divorced.
The newly married woman of today is less likely to be under 25, more likely to have a postsecondary education and less likely to have children in her household. That's affecting the divorce rate significantly.
This one is just a guess, but I imagine that more people are feeling comfortable saying they don't want to get married too. Not caving to societal pressure to boo up and put a ring on it is probably saving some marriages too.
Xuande
Level 7
Feb 26, 2019
3
#YesIAmFunAtParties
Spot on.
times change.. with time.. sounds corny I know but i'm not very good with words. All I can say is what I have seen. My parents fell in love when they were kids, and they got married right after high school because that was what was done. My dad joined the army, my mom was a housewife and mother her entire life. They had really hard times but divorce was not an option because there was no place for her to go with kids. It simply wasn't an option. I'm the youngest of 7. All of my siblings got married right out of high school because thats all they knew. I'm the only one who never got married. I moved in with my boyfriend while I was in the middle of college. this was sacrilege to my entire family. Most of my siblings couldnt wrap their head around it. Two of my 6 siblings divorced, one remarried then divorced then remarried the same woman. Its not clear if they are happy or not. what i'm saying is, marriage and divorce patterns follow a culture of tradition from the family and elders. when one person from the family breaks away from all traditions, that's when things start to evolve. Of my 20 neices and nephews, 5 are happily married, one for the 2nd time, two got divorced and the rest are either living with their mate or living with their parents and they are all past 25 now. Do you see how things changed? It had more to do with the decade than if people loved each other more.
the younger group having a lower divorce rate might also have something to do with they are choosing to not get married. I have two daughters, they both have had the same boy friends since high school, both went to college and have BA's both are still with their boyfriends, but neither plans on getting married, one is 31 does not want to marry or have kids and the other is 27 and just a baby but does not want to marry either, they see no need for it. both are also atheist, not sure if that makes a difference or not in their thinking.
Life always saves something to surprise us with! I try never to write anything in stone, I might have to break the damn thing to shut it up!
Freedompath
Level 9
Feb 26, 2019
1
Those who stay together until death are the exception, and not the rule.
It's an unrealistic expectation, at the very least.
It makes people feel like failures when the inevitable happens.
Stupid societal construct. Archaic and unnecessary.
KKGator
Level 9
Feb 25, 2019
4
I am always impressed with married couples who can grow together, weather the storms, and remain loving and happy with each other. Sadly, it isn't the "norm" to stay married forever, not any more. Those I know who are happily married do it for themselves and each other, certainly not from societal pressures. But, yes, I did feel as though I had failed because I was unable to fulfill my promise of "til death do us part". Then I realized that I was not the cause of the failure, and worked on getting over that mindset. Freedom was the result!
@Rustee That's just it, isn't it? The traditional wedding vows were written by men, for the benefit of men. I remember getting married for the second time, and being really firm about removing the word "obey" from the vows.
Ever notice that word was only directed at women, never at men?
Marriage sets women up to fail. Expectations are completely unrealistic, and it's all rooted in religion. Women are set up to fail. We're the ones who are expected to "make it work". At least that has been my experience.
@KKGator - well, we wrote our own vows, and there were no promised of obedience or any patriarchal BS! But, we vowed to love one another, and to spend our lifetimes doing so. Good intentions, but it did not work out. And after 37 years, I guess I thought we had time to work on issues. Obviously not!
I'm an advocate for some kind of time-lapse re-up. Like, renew your marriage license every ten years, pre-planned 'out' for if you choose not to. Would make forever seem a lot less if you knew you could 'out' without melodramatic recrimination or unexpected outcomes.
@CommonHuman Most contracts have terms for renewal, if all parties are amenable. There isn't any reason why the marriage contract shouldn't be the same. Renew if both parties wish to, dissolve the union if they don't.
Would sure save an awful lot of wear and tear on people's psyches, and finances.
I made a promise to love my ex until one of us died. I hadn't counted on depression and/or alcoholism and/or early-onset dementia (runs in his family), as in the last few years of our marriage he changed, and was incredibly negative and unpleasant. I finally resorted to avoiding him. Hard to do that while living with someone. We decided that this was not acceptable. I asked him to leave, and have been divorced about 2 years now. The last two years have been wonderful. I am alone, but I am no longer lonely. I have more fun, and am more busy than I was with him. I would've never guessed this would happen, but people change, and sometimes the changes are just not something that can be easily ignored, or accepted. I think we enter into a marriage with high ideals and good intentions. Sometimes reality interferes!
Rustee
Level 7
Feb 25, 2019
4
Wow. Sounds like my marriage. I'm glad we're both out of such horrible situations. I love being free!!!!
I swore, that I would love you to the end of time
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But god only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do (oh oh oh)
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my life with you
greyeyed123
Level 7
Feb 25, 2019
5
Stop it! (Bloody earworms!)
I was thinking the exact same thing ?
Aah, Meatloaf. Long time since i heard that album..
My parents were married over 50 years and loved each other to the end when my dad died ten years ago. My mom is now 90 and still living alone. I take care of her best I can. I always wanted to be married forever but it only lasted 16 years, I have not been married since the first one but always wanted to be. I have been looking for someone for 18 years now and haven't really found anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm perpetually single and not too happy about it. But on the other hand, I would not want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me nor I to him. It's so complicated.
confidentrealm
Level 7
Feb 25, 2019
5
@funnycalm I wish rather than think you're right. But boy, I'm sure wishing...
@funnycalm I've always believed that too as much as I dislike the word believe. I usually think to myself, of all the people in the world, I must be looking in the wrong place. But, I look everywhere and still nada. I've had a few long term relationships that worked for awhile but not for long, Makes me think I'm missing something.
@funnycalm any suggestions?
@funnycalm it's finding that person which is the hardest. I always fall for someone who doesn't love me. How do we know if someone is genuinely sincere or just looking for someone to use?
So what has changed? Did your eyes opened up and you saw what the other was really like?
Jolanta
Level 9
Feb 25, 2019
2
My eyes opened up to what he became - which was not who he was when we married...
@Jolanta - Thank you! My sanity and emotional health demanded a change. It wasn't easy, and it got really, REALLY ugly, but I am free, and so much happier! It was frightening, but I prevailed, hung in there, and fortunately had a very good attorney! I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but am impressed when women can do something so difficult and come out with her head held high!
What changed? We exchanged vows. That put the old kibosh on happily ever after.
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