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How critical are first impressions? Would you ever consider dating someone who was rude and abrasive toward you the first time you met her (or him)?

Piratefish 7 Mar 19
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8 comments

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No, definitely not. I get not being on your A game or being nervous, but there's no need to be rude and/or abrasive.

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Probably not. Even when I am on a date with a man who is treating me like a queen, I pay attention to how he treats others, especially in situations where they may fill a subordinate role. I dumped a guy mid-date for being rude to wait staff, not long ago.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 20, 2019
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As a guy, I understand women being abrasive initially. It could that they're being cautious. Rude, unless there is a really good reason; no.

JimG Level 8 Mar 20, 2019
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"Pride & Prejudice" by Jane Austen, anyone?

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Man, entire kinks are built around the question posed here.

I try to be understanding. My first impression is colored by everything from the mood I'm in to whether the gas station coffee I drank three hours earlier tasted more burned than usual. Sometimes I'm right. I like to think I have a pretty good nose.

Then again, I have been spectacularly wrong. Politeness is so easy that even assholes can do it. I've sworn by someone who was really a shitty person because they were always nice to me. I doubt I'm the only one.

I just don't think you can learn much about people based on a first impression. That's how we're wired though, sadly.

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Of course not. If they will treat somebody they just met and hardly know in an abusive manner, that suggests that their behavior will only worsen once they get to know you better.

Or I could have just met them on one of the worst days of their life. Pardon the irony, but god knows I have had my off moments at times. That's the dilemma; she went out of her way later to apologize to me. And she did seem truly remorseful - didn't offer any excuses either, just apologized.

It was only later that it dawned on me that she is also single and in my age range, and not terribly hard to look at. But then I thought just what you wrote above.

@Piratefish we all have bad days. I’m generally a nice guy, but, I’ve probably been that person on occasion. But, not when a date is on the line. That doesn’t mean every date opportunity works out either. -shrug-

@Rob1948 The encounter was not a date. It was somewhat random. She lives nearby but was pretty rude in traffic. Talked to her once, later, and she actually seemed pretty nice. Maybe she was just having a really bad day. She even apologized, so at least she was aware she was being rude and felt bad about it later.

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Depends on whether you want to date someone who is good at lying or not. I tend to like abrasive people more, the "nice" ones are generally the manipulators.

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Only if that person is totally delicious.

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