I've always viewed the two main parties this way...

Dems - Tax and spend - elitist pussies who always back away from a fight even when they have the votes to win. (Think Obama's first two years!) They want everyone to feel good about some sort of a consensus. They like to cry and whine a lot. They want to hear everything but then argue about it all. They end up looking like babies.

GOP - Borrow and spend, troglodytes, oafs, brutish bullies who want to govern by beating up on others, deregulating government to help business but harm people. You cannot explain anything that makes sense to them as they will just say, "That's not true!" as their proof. (Or flat-out ignore you!) These guys can't govern because they are taking too much time checking their bank accounts for graft money or trying to pick up sex in a bathroom stall. They end up looking like assholes. (Or for them!)