You did perfectly!

I think the tension in all these comments is between the need to be realistic and real and honest with your daughter, while not giving her too much free reign too soon or at least not encouraging her to be in a Big Hurry to Get Serious With Boys such that it serves as a distraction from her overall maturation and development.

The thing is, none of us know you or your daughter so we can't really give you advice because where to draw those lines varies with a lot of factors we're not privy to.

The only thought I'd offer is that while your daughter might be mature beyond her years, she inherently cannot be experienced beyond her years to any significant extent. The average age of marriage is something around 28 these days. The age at which they have sexual relationships is not as high as that, but it's powerful and distracting mojo and I always encouraged my children to put it off and to not be in a hurry.

But they're all different. My 25 year old step daughter has had sexual relationships, but as she's contemplating postgrad work and a possible employment change we're reminding her there's no big hurry to chase her serious BF to Germany and limiting her choices around that. If this is a love for the ages, it will keep.

Meanwhile her 27 year old brother is still a virgin, by choice, and we worry about him ever overcoming his inhibitions and insecurities to even approach women. I think his mother is convinced he needs some sense fucked into him, while I tend to be of the view he needs a woman like he needs a hole in the head, it will just mess with his mind and break his heart in his current state. We may both be right. Relationships are messy like that.

Oy vey

I think it is great that you discuss sex, and birth control with your daughter (some parents have a very difficult time doing this). I don't think you have done anything wrong.... addressing the reality of teenage sexual behavior is much better than turning a blind eye to it (as my own parents did).

However, one thing to consider is that your daughter is still very young to be in a very serious (sexual) relationship. Part of a young person's learning to make making good decisions for themselves and their future involves learning to be self sufficient and learning to be a strong independent person outside of a serious relationship. Your daughter's home should be her refuge away from the pressures of school/work/friends/boys/etc. To allow her constant contact with a boyfriend could encourage her to be too dependent on the boyfriend/relationship for her happiness, and less dependent on herself. That could lead to her shelving/postponing her own goals for self fulfillment. Just 'food for thought'.

My son's girlfriend moved in with us but shared a room with my daughter when they were 16.
Where she was living was not a safe place for her and I was given temporary custody.

I also provided my children with condoms much to the anger of my daughter's friends parents

I would have let the boyfriend stay over but I would not have knowingly let them share a room.

But I also will not tell you that you are a bad parent for letting them.

wow you are very trusting of a teenager and the decisions they make with a brain that is not equipped to deal with long term consequences. On the other hand, my authoritarian parents would not let a bf come over now as a grown adult if I lived with either of them. So there has to be a happy medium somewhere.

Interesting. I would say at least they are safe in your home and not taking chances in other places and practicing safe sex. Only you know the maturity level of your child...my dad let my boyfriend stay at our house when I was 16. It was not illegal...how does this make you a bad parent when you seem to only be supporting and educating her and simply keeping them close by?

Teens are having sex at the age of 13 in more dangerous places and without knowledge of consequences...now that is bad parenting to me...